Why did I react like this?

May 2021
1
0
Massachusetts
Recently my girlfriend and I were talking about planning things, and she asked about what I thought about marriage. I had a very awkward reaction to this which was me saying something like "I'm not sure, I haven't really been thinking about it", followed by an awkward silence. This worried her a lot, as we've continued to talk about this we have uncovered other things in our relationship that need working on. Specifically, my failure to communicate. She is worried that if something were wrong with our relationship, that I wouldn't say anything about it.

After thinking about this much over the last few days I've realized my reaction did not represent how I really feel. I love this woman a lot and when we moved in together, I assumed we would eventually get married. She is someone I see myself creating a life with. I've been thinking a lot about why I reacted the way I did. This is my first long-term relationship (previously I have not had a relationship last longer than 3 months), we have been going out for two years. I think I may have a fear of being vulnerable or desperate which led to this response, but I also think I may have been just scared/surprised when she asked me this.
 
May 2021
3
1
Seattle, WA
You could be right with either scared, caught off guard, or you may very well have an attachment style issue.

I suggest that it’s never to late to come back to her and just tell her how you actually feel about her question. Start the conversation with: “After taking some time to think about your question I’ve realized that I wasn’t ready for a question like that, so I feel like I didn’t express in full honesty” and go ahead and tell her how you really feel.