What's Happening My Friend?

Aug 2021
3
3
Dublin
Hi there, I have a friend I've known for a number of years. He has developed behaviour which I find challenging. As an example, the other night, when he was drunk, he sent over over 80 messages, some of which involved video messages which were about a minute long each. A lot of of it was incoherent, but he repeatedly asked if we were friends. He is an incredibly physically strong individual and there is a strong undercurrent of violence if I don't agree with what he says (as well as constant passive aggressiveness). The next day, not really thinking much of what happened the night before, I asked if he wanted to spend some time together and was partaking in events I know he likes. He completely ignored me and I know he seen the texts. What is the underlying issue here and how can it be resolved?
 
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Aug 2021
56
34
Austin, TX
Wow, what an open question!!! The first issue seems to be that he was drunk...anytime someone's judgement is impaired because of alcohol / drug use, their behavior may become erratic and irresponsible. The underlying issues may be difficult to figure out, but you need to be aware that this may not be relationship you want to pursue. If you ever feel threatened or unsafe, disengage yourself from this relationship immediately and seek help, and / or counseling. I wish I could be more help, but this is a complicated issue which does not have a simple answer..
Best of luck to you,
Ivery
 
Jul 2021
148
13
London
I agree with Ivery, he is under the influence of alcohol and therefore it can get tricky. He should be off alcohol. Some people have some predisposition towards alcohol abuse, than others, for instance there is a polymorphic gene that causes this. I have the gene that rejects it, somehow, even if I am the only person in my family who despises alcoholic drinks. I did get exposed to beer since a young age but I'd only have the foam because I didn't like the idea which I had heard about by a peditrician talking with someone about how it was not good for your health. Since I hated getting sick, I learnt I don't like alcohol. And I did try everything, but it just disturbs me. :) I am also allergic to cigarettes, and that again is a genetic thing we learnt. People under the influence of substances, particularly drugs can offend a lot but alcohol it depends, although I wouldn't really like talking to a drunk person, as it's not very pleasant in general, and it is a bit depressing too for you, so generally it is not good on your mental health as you are witnessing someone behaving erratically. I think some people can look at people with mental health illnesses and just say "ok, their behaviour has nothing to do with me", and others instead look at them, and say "oh maybe I am the problem", and begin losing self-esteem and begin manifesting their own mental illness as a form of depression, but it seems you are being codependent on him too, which sometimes does happen, and you should say wait no, I am being codependent. I try to self-restrict when I see I am becoming codependent, as it's not your fault but the erratic behaviour does induce codependence as you have no understanding of the erratic behaviours and I used to do that even if I was coerced with force, but now if someone does this I say "look, this is illegal" and it ends there, mental illnesses are completely curable, it is not my responsibility that the person refuses to go, I mean you can't die to fix someone's health issues, even in pharmacy, I offer advice and if the person listens good, if they don't take it, bye. Why do I have to suffer and put myself through that and do someone else's work for them whilst they treat me like sheet? NO way- And it never ends well for you, trust me. I can only support those who like to get better, those who refuse, bye. I mean, it's not depression where the person hates the self, we are talking about someone who is potentially dangerous for others and who likes to take advantage of people too.
 
Last edited:
Aug 2021
3
3
Dublin
Wow, what an open question!!! The first issue seems to be that he was drunk...anytime someone's judgement is impaired because of alcohol / drug use, their behavior may become erratic and irresponsible. The underlying issues may be difficult to figure out, but you need to be aware that this may not be relationship you want to pursue. If you ever feel threatened or unsafe, disengage yourself from this relationship immediately and seek help, and / or counseling. I wish I could be more help, but this is a complicated issue which does not have a simple answer..
Best of luck to you,
Ivery
Thank you so much
 
  • Like
Reactions: Usedandabused
Aug 2021
3
3
Dublin
I agree with Ivery, he is under the influence of alcohol and therefore it can get tricky. He should be off alcohol. Some people have some predisposition towards alcohol abuse, than others, for instance there is a polymorphic gene that causes this. I have the gene that rejects it, somehow, even if I am the only person in my family who despises alcoholic drinks. I did get exposed to beer since a young age but I'd only have the foam because I didn't like the idea which I had heard about by a peditrician talking with someone about how it was not good for your health. Since I hated getting sick, I learnt I don't like alcohol. And I did try everything, but it just disturbs me. :) I am also allergic to cigarettes, and that again is a genetic thing we learnt. People under the influence of substances, particularly drugs can offend a lot but alcohol it depends, although I wouldn't really like talking to a drunk person, as it's not very pleasant in general, and it is a bit depressing too for you, so generally it is not good on your mental health as you are witnessing someone behaving erratically. I think some people can look at people with mental health illnesses and just say "ok, their behaviour has nothing to do with me", and others instead look at them, and say "oh maybe I am the problem", and begin losing self-esteem and begin manifesting their own mental illness as a form of depression, but it seems you are being codependent on him too, which sometimes does happen, and you should say wait no, I am being codependent. I try to self-restrict when I see I am becoming codependent, as it's not your fault but the erratic behaviour does induce codependence as you have no understanding of the erratic behaviours and I used to do that even if I was coerced with force, but now if someone does this I say "look, this is illegal" and it ends there, mental illnesses are completely curable, it is not my responsibility that the person refuses to go, I mean you can't die to fix someone's health issues, even in pharmacy, I offer advice and if the person listens good, if they don't take it, bye. Why do I have to suffer and put myself through that and do someone else's work for them whilst they treat me like sheet? NO way- And it never ends well for you, trust me. I can only support those who like to get better, those who refuse, bye. I mean, it's not depression where the person hates the self, we are talking about someone who is potentially dangerous for others and who likes to take advantage of people too.
Thank you so much
 
  • Like
Reactions: Usedandabused