Twelve way markers in the journey of my life - Caracalla, pace M. Aurelius

Aug 2021
Portland, OR
  1. Life is tragic (suffering/difficult). Guilt is the natural normal / human feeling of YOUR OWN TRAGEDY. Suffering is compounded immeasurably by attachment deficits [experienced from zero to three-years-old] and unconscious / neurotic conflicts emanating from (un)repressed guilt [from three to six-years-old]. Learning to acknowledge have the feelings of YOUR guilt makes possible alleviations / relief of YOUR self-punishment.
  2. Life is a series of losses. Acknowledging / having (and holding) your feelings of the pain of the hurt of your loss - in your "internal emotional realm" - is to mourn your loss.
  3. Loss of illusion is the hardest loss to realize and to mourn, especially with respect to your mother / father.
  4. Feelings are natural / normal / human to have. You're right to be having the feelings you're having, BECAUSE YOU'RE HAVING THEM.
  5. Denial of your feelings, especially from the pain of the hurt of loss, IS pathology.
  6. The challenge is HOW to have your feelings, hard as they are to have; WHAT TO DO WITH YOUR FEELINGS. Learning to do this IS health.
  7. We mistake behavior that acts out (or stuffs in) our denied feelings - impulsively / compulsively - for behavior motivated from choice.
  8. Only through learning TO HAVE AND HOLD YOUR FEELINGS in your internal "emotional realm" does choice become possible. you'll then be able to intuit what you want / don't-want to say / do, not-say / not-do. What follows / flows from this emotional / intuitive moment IS behavior motivated from choice.
  9. Your (unconscious) internal EMOTIONAL REALM holds dominion. It is always with you - as the firmament of the night sky is always above, even as it is hidden by day by the sun or by night by clouds or man-made light; thus, its 'influence" is available.
  10. Realizing that you cannot CONTROL another, - nor yourself, from only your conscious / cognitive / intellect - you can first INFLUENCE yourself, and then the Other.
  11. ALAS: you'll need the representative of your Mother's presence with(in) you 'til the end of your days, as the sun also is always with you, even as it is often hidden - by day by the clouding of Father Sky, by night by the dark body of Mother Earth.
  12. YOU CANNOT ESCAPE YOUR DESTINY but - by learning to take responsibility for your own part in it - you can live YOUR life, ennobled by YOUR tragedy; Amor fati!
-- Caracalla, pace M. Aurelius