True love?

Mar 2015
1
0
California
Guy 1: So say a girl is just friends with benefits with a guy and she loses her virginity to him and she says she is in love with him to a friend, but never tells him. One day he rapes her and the "relationship" goes nowhere and she ends the FWB thing. It lasted three months. She stays in contact with this man, if only via social networking sites. He is engaged to a woman now. The girl's best friend suspects said girl still loves guy 1, however said girl has never directly stated that to her friend.

Guy 2: Then after a series of flings she dates a guy three months later, her first real boyfriend. She had a boyfriend for a few months years ago, but it was high school and it didn't even really reach the kissing level of intimacy. She tells this boyfriend (guy 2) that she is in love with him. She never said that to anyone and she truly notices that she has never felt this way about anyone before. She also takes this boyfriends virginity and genuinely thought he was the one. But then a little later she breaks up with him because she loses attraction to him and finds another man (guy3) to pursue before she officially exits the relationship with guy 2. Although she still loves guy 2, she is no longer IN love with him. Or so she says. (Can one ever truly fall out of love?) This relationship lasted five months.


So what really counts as a first love in this case? Guy 1 or guy 2? Do you think guy 2 will just be remembered as another guy she once dated or something more? I ask because although she felt like she was in love with guy 1, she never told him so; however with guy 2 she told him (thus making it perhaps more real) and she truly never felt that way about someone before. So was the "love" for guy 1 simply passion, or was the love for guy 2 just stronger?

Essentially what I'm asking is whether or not guy 2 is actually important and it guy 2 will ever actually have a lasting impact on said girl's memory? Please respond with the most likely scenario. Thank you
 
Last edited:
Mar 2020
57
8
US
Both of them may or may not have a lasting impact depending on the girl.

At age 31, I no longer care about love, but the ability to reproduce.

Guy two was obviously more husband material. If the girl stuck with him he probably would have eventually kissed her when he had the means to enter a binding agreement with her. He was responsible, but because the girl was young and looking for love, not a husband to reproduce with, she ditched him.

Guy one set up guy two for failure. The girl preferred guy 1. Because she left guy two for not kissing her, and she preferred guy three.

Not all girls are like this. Some don't lose their virginity early and would prefer guy 2.
Some like to be dominated and would never have left guy 1.

Sent from my moto g(7) power using Tapatalk
 
Feb 2020
13
0
US
So what really counts as a first love in this case? Guy 1 or guy 2? Do you think guy 2 will just be remembered as another guy she once dated or something more? I ask because although she felt like she was in love with guy 1, she never told him so; however with guy 2 she told him (thus making it perhaps more real) and she truly never felt that way about someone before. So was the "love" for guy 1 simply passion, or was the love for guy 2 just stronger?

Essentially what I'm asking is whether or not guy 2 is actually important and it guy 2 will ever actually have a lasting impact on said girl's memory? Please respond with the most likely scenario. Thank you
I don't see an indication of what I would consider love as in Marriage and Baby Carriage poetry in either scenario. She may not even know what that kind of love is at that age or be able to sustain a meaningful relationship beyond short terms.

With Guy #1, you can love someone and not be in love with them. They were hooking up consensually to begin with and that can bring on feelings akin to love. That kind of love not conducive to long term marriage in my experience or I certainly wouldn't have divorced my last wife. Their "relationship" lasted three months, during which he raped her. She will have mixed memories of him as the person who took her virginity, and raped her.

Guy #2 is fated to live dimly in her memory as a virgin she once deflowered before moving on to her next sexual partner. Nothing more.

I've been married three times and divorced all three of my wives, so make no claims of being an expert on relationships or women.
 
May 2020
1
0
Bulgaria
If we want to talk about "true love" first we have to define what love is. People often confuse love with the need of saying "I love you because I need him/her and I think is mutual". Do not confuse it, that is not love. Love is support, freedom, pure and spontaneous, coming from the depth of our soul and the only road to happiness. We call it "unconditional love" and it has to be towards everyone and everything that including ourselves. If we don't love ourselves, we are always blame ourselves for some reason and from there negative thoughts start flowing through our mind. That is why first we have to love ourselves and then share the love towards ourselves with another person that loves himself and that is the most pure and true love ever. Two people loving each other and loving everything around them and sharing the love with others.