toxic behaviour

Jul 2020
1
0
suffolk
This year my mother has got worse and worse with her behaviour. shes miserable most of the time and talks angrily about the past every day, mentioning people's names from the past with anger (even though I wasnt around at that time and dont know these people), but yet the family bares the brunt of it. She breaks things every day in the house in anger, even ripping up money. I gave her a gift this year, and it ended up broken in two pieces because we had an argument. Recently she has started breaking my things. I had something I made when I was a child and because I didnt do as she said, when she wanted, ( she didnt want to wait) she broke it infront of me, after she asked if i remebered making it. This was something that i cannot replace. she can get really viscous and say the worst things to me/about me. she hit me this year. She acts meek and mild to most other people outside the house. Like butter wouldnt melt. She can be nice to me too. Its honestly like two complete opposite people. She seems to have so much energy when shes angry - she wont give up. She'l shout out stuff outside so other people can hear (neighbours etc) when she isnt getting her own way, things to try and embarass us, personal things that we wouldnt want other people to hear. Shel shout louder if you say anything to her, so we have to back down. She does this every day. She can get triggered by anything. something on tv, something on the radio - and shel revert it to her past in which she feels hard done by, and get angry, and then noone can be happy that day because thats what she decides. she doesnt seem to like to do nice things but then moans that she never does. Shes very controlling and needs her own way all the time. When shes angry she'l flip to be crying and weak, then angry and strong again. Even if we had a day out, shed just flip at something and that would be it. we'd all have to go home. Christmas day she started an argument and I ended up alone because noone could stand it and all drove away. She wont aknowledge she needs help. Its like walking on egg shells. We cant really have people over because you dont know what shes going to do. She likes to randomly embarass you while other people can listen, or say some wild accusations. If she does something wrong (break something or shout something) shel play the victim and make it so you were the one that did something wrong Or revert it back to the past again, or more than likely shel instantly pick out a flaw and diminish you with it, vicously. I dont know what to do. I try not to let her words affect me when she says nasty things to me but its difficult. Shes so up and down, all day everyday. And she determines if we can have a good day. She doesnt like me discussing any of this with my siblings or anyone ( but she can do what she wants), but she'd do something to 'ger her own back/revenge. Theres deffinitly two rules, one for her and one for us. Shes threatened ringing up my work collegaues and friends to embarass me. I dont even know if she has. Can someone please make some sense of this? Its affecting me so much and I need some advice.
 
Mar 2020
206
17
US
I am not a clinician.

This is the worst problem I have ever heard of. Sounds like she's too smart to ever get caught. So the goal isn't getting her caught. All I can really say to comfort you is that if you can ride this bull, you will be world class. Please don't get hurt. You sound like a very valuable asset to society. I bet you can do anything.

If you do want to get her caught. You have to figure that out on your own. This is too much for me to understand. My mom was extremely violent. She changed. The family started new. We're good now.

My mom was violent to get me and my brother to be "world class" intellectual experts. My brother cursed her to the ground when he left and never saw us again. I stuck around because I understood that her visciousness was training.

Breaking something you made as a kid sounds like she's trying to teach you to devalue innocent things. If I were you I wouldn't buy that lesson. In this gesture she appears to me to be crooked.

I reccommend that you keep reaching out to forums of all topics and learn sociology of how people interact who are not violent in the absence of professionals. Do not assume a criminal mind over this. Please never break the law or do anything that could possibly look like law breaking. Even the smallest offense could destroy your life. Do not sacrifice your life.

Because your mom destroyed something you made as a child. I warn you that I am not a cognitive authority over you. Your path will be different than mine.

I do recommend Christians. Even if you can't find an understanding Christian you may be boosted by some sort of religious model. Something more powerful than your mom. Probably something you would benefit from embracing. Find mentors. Find someone who values your disciplined intellect. Don't bother them with greusome stories. Impress them with your cognitive temperance.

I am not one to seek revenge. I am one to escape and start fresh.

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