The trauma of losing yourself to drugs

Sep 2021
20
2
Spain
I don't know how I'm gonna get over this trauma… … I was ok in presen (my second school). Finally. I wasn't being bullied anymore. I had friends. I still hadn't had any problems with my family. … I want to recover that level of well-being. Even if it seems impossible with all the changes in my life. … I used to be me. In the present. With my feelings. My personality. My relationships. I was always me. That naivety. That curiosity. My way of seeing and understanding the world. Being in the present. Without this crushing anxiety. Without… being this. I want to be me again. I know I would have evolved and changed with time. The Blanca (me) from presen wouldn't have been the same Blanca from university even if I hadn't gotten bullied again. Because I would have evolved. Because I wasn't the same with 7 or 8 or 10 or 13 or 15 years. But I was me all the time. I remember in presen seeing a story of a woman that died and went to heaven. She was asked: who are you? And she started saying: I'm *name*'s wife. I'm *name*'s mother. I'm a lawyer… And she was told: "yes, but, who are you?" She could understand. I couldn't either. … I would have evolved with time. I wouldn't be presen's Blanca now. But, I would be me. With my experiences. With my daily life. With my relationships. With my memories. I would have just… lived. That's it. … I know I'll never fully recover.
 
Sep 2021
20
2
Spain
So does anybody think, maybe, my brain doesn't let me feel or be aware of what happened because it would be too much?
 
Aug 2021
90
58
Austin, TX
It is possible, Freud would certainly have said you are repressing things you can not deal with. I understand those beliefs, but you seem more cognizant of having had and then lost something. If there is more information such as a traumatic incident in your life you have not confronted or dealt with, you will almost have to have professional counseling to deal with and recover fully from that incident. Dont give up, I certainly believe you can work through this, it may just take time and many words exchanged to begin to recover who you want to be...
Best wishes for you,
Ivery