Strong feelings towards a therapist

Jul 2021
2
2
Germany
My therapist and me have been in frequent (therapeutic) contact since a few weeks and just today she said "she always tried and tries to push me gently towards the boundaries so it wouldn't get "too close".
It just really hurts, because deep inside I really want her to be my mum or at least my friend. I like her so much and those boundaries just really hurt. She seems to want to give me what I want in a therapeutic way but I really want more. She has a little daughter and I am so freaking jealous and envious of her,that she gets to have to the mum I never had. Even the frequent contact doesn't fill this hole inside me. It's gutwrenching painful and I haven't even told her how painful this is out of fear she might suggest I need to see another therapist.
Has anyone of you found a way to deal with this feelings and especially pain (effectively) in case you've been in this situation?
 
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Aug 2021
155
92
Austin, TX
You may not start a relationship with your therapist. It is unhealthy, and your therapist could lose their certification over something like this. If you find yourself falling in love with your therapist it is time to find someone else to work with. What you are experiencing is not uncommon, as we often see our therapist as nurturing and supportive in an unnurturing and unsupportive world. Your options are either forbid yourself from falling in love with your therapist by realizing that would be crossing a boundary or find another therapist...
Sorry I do not have better news for you, but best of luck to you just the same,
Ivery
 
Jul 2021
420
51
London
My therapist and me have been in frequent (therapeutic) contact since a few weeks and just today she said "she always tried and tries to push me gently towards the boundaries so it wouldn't get "too close".
It just really hurts, because deep inside I really want her to be my mum or at least my friend. I like her so much and those boundaries just really hurt. She seems to want to give me what I want in a therapeutic way but I really want more. She has a little daughter and I am so freaking jealous and envious of her,that she gets to have to the mum I never had. Even the frequent contact doesn't fill this hole inside me. It's gutwrenching painful and I haven't even told her how painful this is out of fear she might suggest I need to see another therapist.
Has anyone of you found a way to deal with this feelings and especially pain (effectively) in case you've been in this situation?
No but I had an English doctor ask me out once and he was my GP and he wanted to come to my workplace. lol. I was so embarrassed. I made an excuse on the spot, and just said can't mix work with pleasure lol. It must have been the IBS symptoms that made him like me more lol, but yes he'd ask me every time whether I had had sex or not, and I'd say but I already told you the last time, then the boyfriend lies didn't work for long lol, but apparently the "mix work with pleasure" joke worked in my favour. What a put off that joke lol. People don't take my jokes very well.

No, my therapists are like my mirrors sometimes, and anyway, the therapist I had, she was married (she told me I was bi, as I had no idea what being bi was, but in fact I still prefer the opposite sex, but yes I don't hate on women, which is it turns out unusual), and initially she did all the personality disorders assessments and so only became nice when she found out the HSP diagnosis, which was a year later lol, but it still did help, but yes, therapy was not easy for me, as I'd feel misunderstood initially which is normal, and even when I got the right diagnosis I didn't want to accept the diagnosis, even if it was accurate, as it's quite embarrassing, since I used to hear "you are too sensitive" by pretty much not very nice people, so it was like justifying the bad people to me. I wonder why the psychopaths didn't get diagnosed with psychopathy to this day.

The other thing is since they are like your mirrors, imagine falling in love with someone like yourself... it doesn't really happen :) Usually opposites attract, which is why I stay away from everyone ;) and what she told me too, was that, I might attract psychopaths and wasn't she right.

I have problems with forgiving psychopaths, I was told that is a HSP trait too that we don't like them, but I don't know. I know it holds true for me. But I really don't understand how can anyone like the psychopath. I mean even if they were charming or had looks supposedly, after 1 or 2 days they do appear ugly because they get angry and abusive.
 
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