spanking / smacking children right or wrong?

who should decide wether a child is hit by their parents?

  • other- something else - none of the above

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
    9

SWM

May 2008
2,314
0
Aug 2008
182
0
Los Angeles
Most folks argue it being "OK", by citing it's effectiveness, essentially an ends justifying the means mentality, which of course is... wanting.

I always say it's not necessary, as long as there's other methods that don't require hitting another person, it's not really necessary unless one can say all those methods have been exhausted.
 
Aug 2008
276
0
Online probably :)
I personally believe that using physical forms of punishment puts a child at a higher risk of believing violence is the appropriate method for resolving problems.

I was spanked as a child, but my childhood also involved watching my father beat the crap out of my mother. So my future was already set up for relationship failure.

I once witnessed a mother smack her child at the back of his 3 year old head (after he had hit her in frustration), saying, "Don't hit." She used physical punishment to correct a physically violent behavior. She showed him it was not okay for him to hit, but okay for her to hit. It sends mixed signals.

I have a child of my own and I have learned that time outs and patience have much better than results than hitting.

Some will say there is a line between abuse and spanking... how do you tell what that line is? If you are hitting because it is your only way to get through to your child, you probably aren't too eager to seek ways to train yourself on how to deal with your child's behavior.

I study a lot on dog obedience training and find the two almost greatly comparable. There are always things that motivate your dog - you USE those things to motivate them and MAKE them want to please you. If you know what motivates your child to behave appropriately, utilize that. Physical punishment sends the message that you are frustrated and cannot cope with what they have done - what lesson are you teaching? You are telling them, "Do this and you get spanked." However, if you send them a positive reinforcement such as rewarding good behavior, you are teaching them to earn their rewards. If you show them consequences and impact of their behavior, such as taking a toy away because they are misbehaving or allowing them to see that you are hurt when they bite or hit you, then you teach them to suffer the consequence and understand why their behavior is not appropriate.

By resorting to hit your child, your only intention is to provide a quick retaliation of your child's disobedience.
 
Aug 2008
182
0
Los Angeles
[quote author=CecileT link=topic=422.msg1277#msg1277 date=1220561223]
I personally believe that using physical forms of punishment puts a child at a higher risk of believing violence is the appropriate method for resolving problems.

...Edited for brevity

I once witnessed a mother smack her child at the back of his 3 year old head (after he had hit her in frustration), saying, "Don't hit." She used physical punishment to correct a physically violent behavior. She showed him it was not okay for him to hit, but okay for her to hit. It sends mixed signals.


[/quote]
"Why do we kill people who kill people to show that killing people is wrong?"
- Seen on bumper stickers

Nice post Cecile
 
Mar 2009
182
0
Pennsylvania, US
I do not advocate child abuse, so put that in your head before reading what I have to say.

I think that a lot of the problem with crime and violence in today's society can be attributed to "sparing the rod." I mean, if your kid steals candy and you punish them, not by spanking, but by putting them in "time-out," there is no discipline achieved. Next they will be visiting prostitutes and owning guns. (No, I do not extrapolate idly, I merely read my local paper.) What do you do for that? Time Out? Children must be given the message that being "bad" (or the societal equivalent) is to be eschewed, and this must be done in any way possible. Time-out might work for some, but it might not. If it does not, then I feel we should go to the spanking. Remember, you are not to be your child's FRIEND, especially in younger children. I know this is harder for the mother than the father in most cases. But, think about it: do you remember when you were 2 or 4 years old? Of course not, and neither will your children, but their behavior IS a continuum, even if it is not remembered HOW it got to such-and-such a state.
 
May 2009
411
0
well, it all depends...on one hand, there is a case of "Spare the rod and spoil the child" and on the other hand, there is a case of child abuse....it all depends on why,how,where,when the parents are hitting the children...

it is good to know that the law has restrictions for parents to ensure that they do not abuse their children in any way...
 
May 2009
207
0
One solution to this question is to break out of the false dichotomy. We've set up two choices: To hit or not to hit. There's really many others. If all the better solution we can come up with is violence given the amazing world we live in, we've failed.
 
May 2009
4
0
Totally wrong.

I sent these links to my naive younger brother (overpampered
and spoilt as a child himself) who had been abusing his two
-year old
child just a few months ago.

Unfortunately, it didn't help change him, or more likely he never
bothered to read them, being very stubborn and Chinese-educated.

Chatting with a psychologist two nights ago, she explained that
his current psychological problem stems from his spolit childhood.



Childhood trauma, permanent physical and psychological brain damage :


http://www.childadvocate.net/child_abuse_news.htm

http://www.usnews.com/usnews/culture/articles/961111/archive_034966.htm

http://www.upliftprogram.com/facts_childhood_trauma.html

http://www.cdc.gov/ncipc/pub-res/effects_of_childhood_stress.htm

http://www.childtrauma.org/CTAMATERIALS/trauma_and_terror.asp

http://www.snapnetwork.org/psych_effects/how_abuse_andneglect.htm


Childhood trauma and its link to depression, asthma and
other diseases in adulthood :

http://www.hsph.harvard.edu/now/20071207/adversity.html

http://www.psychosomaticmedicine.org/cgi/content/short/70/9/1035?rss=1

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/queryd.fcgi?db=pubmed&cmd=Retrieve&dopt=Abstract&list_uids=18399744&itool=pubmed_docsum

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/queryd.fcgi?db=pubmed&cmd=Retrieve&dopt=Abstract&list_uids=12448629&itool=pubmed_docsum

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/queryd.fcgi?db=pubmed&cmd=Retrieve&dopt=Abstract&list_uids=16927577&itool=pubmed_docsum


General reasons for not hitting a child :

http://www.naturalchild.com/jan_hunt/tenreasons.html

http://www.nospank.net/

http://stophitting.blogspot.com/2007/04/verbal-abuse-harms-children-too.html

http://www.naturalchild.org/jan_hunt/spanked.html

http://www.neverhitachild.org/hitting.html


Martin Teicher's studies on permanent PHYSICAL brain damage from
PSYCHOLOGICAL trauma in childhood.

The entire script of his landmark study :

http://www.dana.org/news/cerebrum/detail.aspx?id=3378


http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/queryd.fcgi?db=pubmed&cmd=Retrieve&dopt=Abstract&list_uids=15231439&itool=pubmed_docsum

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/queryd.fcgi?db=pubmed&cmd=Retrieve&dopt=Abstract&list_uids=12732221&itool=pubmed_docsum

http://pn.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/content/full/36/5/36


Bruce Perry's websites :

http://www.childtraumaacademy.com/

http://childtraumaacademy.org/Caregiver.aspx

http://childtraumaacademy.org/Scholastic.aspx

http://teacher.scholastic.com/professional/bruceperry/index.htm



Other studies :

http://www.leadershipcouncil.org/1/res/brain.html


The first missing link in the above page is here :

http://www.ncptsd.va.gov/ncmain/nc_archives/rsch_qtly/V2N4.pdf
 
Apr 2009
20
0
[quote author=seekinghga link=topic=422.msg3475#msg3475 date=1242730495]I think that a lot of the problem with crime and violence in today's society can be attributed to "sparing the rod." I mean, if your kid steals candy and you punish them, not by spanking, but by putting them in "time-out," there is no discipline achieved. Next they will be visiting prostitutes and owning guns. (No, I do not extrapolate idly, I merely read my local paper.) What do you do for that? Time Out? Children must be given the message that being "bad" (or the societal equivalent) is to be eschewed, and this must be done in any way possible. Time-out might work for some, but it might not. If it does not, then I feel we should go to the spanking. Remember, you are not to be your child's FRIEND, especially in younger children. I know this is harder for the mother than the father in most cases. But, think about it: do you remember when you were 2 or 4 years old? Of course not, and neither will your children, but their behavior IS a continuum, even if it is not remembered HOW it got to such-and-such a state.[/quote]Well said, seekingha. I share this view, though I would say smacking is OK but spanking is not, and you should never smack a child in anger.

But this view is not widely shared, so by and large I'd say there is no effective sanction imposed upon children, some of whom grow up having been trained into thinking they can do anything they like. This then creates difficulties within education and for society as a whole, plus of course life-changing or even life-threatening difficulties for the offenders themselves.

I see this in microscosm in my own home. When our two children were young, they would misbehave in some way, and I'd give them a playful little smack and say "no" with a smile on my face. But my wife wouldn't do this, because she thought it was wrong. Then they'd play up and push it and push it until she got angry, then she'd smack them too hard and it all ended in tears.

At the other end of the scale I'd say torture is a useful exercise to consider. We all know it's wrong to inflict pain. But imagine you've got an hour before the bomb goes off. It's somewhere in the city, maybe at the football stadium, maybe in a mall. The culprit is in front of you, and you want him to tell you where the bomb is, so you can evacuate the area. I would inflict that pain. It's wrong, and I know it's wrong, but it's the lesser of two evils. If I don't commit this evil, I will be permitting a far greater evil to occur. It's my responsibility, nobody else's, and I will not shirk it.

What I think people miss is that it isn't a black and white world. Sometimes you have to do something that's wrong in order to do what's right. Women seem to have difficulty with this, as demonstrated by absent-father children who on average are more likely to be involved in trouble. It was epitomised by The Simpsons episode where Marge said two wrongs don't make a right and Homer said two wrongs do make a right. I think they do. That's why we have crime and punishment.
 

SWM

May 2008
2,314
0
i am of the opinion (perhaps it is frame of mind rather than an opion) that there are much better methods than violence to make. there are ways to make people and children respond and react that do not require violence.

with children the work is done before they misbehave, they will have respect for your authority and guidance not because they fear, but because they trust you, with all of their heart and mind.