Social Media Behavior after end of Unofficial relationship break up

Aug 2020
2
0
NW Indiana
Complicated question. But I dated a man 45 minutes from me, met online, for 7 weeks.
5 weeks we had both a mental and intuitive connection, yet 1 week he sort of let go of some communication and then after our 3rd date (5 weeks) he dropped out (disconnected) saying he reels back when things get real. He had a lot of stress related to work before leaving for a 2 week vacation an 1,000 miles away. On his vacation he not only seemed to drop out communication on me but his clients that one was crying because of unreturned calls and she had cancer. Anyways, he made small attempts at communication, but it was more me pulling for it. His last week he totally cancelled on 2 calls because of friends and then no communication on both our parts for 3 days. He returned and apologized by text to tell me he found an unexpected connection with a girl. And lastly that we've always been forthright with one another. I was totally surprised, I thought he had some mental stuff going on and was giving him space.

Since its never happened before in my 28 years of dating, I asked if we were breaking communication. He said he doesn't unless someone has done something egregious. I told him I felt we were still friends & didn't know what this would look like, but there would be nothing beyond a hug (I'm a christian and he claims to be, so really that's all he got out of me by our last date. More me setting the boundaries than him). So I wished him well with him, blessings and this new relationship - being that we were exploring if we would be a good long term match/marriage & never official. He left with saying friendship still involves talking, or something like that.

Immediately he began liking my post on social media, that maybe he'd neglected 3 days before. And after, those of shared interest or any photo of me. I had unfollowed him immediately and didn't see anything on his page till 2 months later. He also made comments on post more than he did when we dated. I was frugal about his page when we were dating in case things didn't work out. So two months later i decided to "take a break" so he can't see my post, mentally I've had a hard time moving on even though I'm busy with many outside things and even have a few dates lined up coming from far distances. When I looked at his page I had a little closure seeing the girl (more in his social class maybe and sexually overt before they started posting) even pictures from the vacation. He had admitted to some promiscuity after his divorce (5-8 women) its been 1 year and 1 year separation. and said he wanted to change that because he didn't realize the emotional attachment women have.

One thing I did to bring closure is an activity we had discussed doing together. Interestingly I had done that activity in his town before with a friend some years before and decided to do it. And I'm sure he was confused since I was 2 minutes from his house. When I looked at his page the other day I noticed he had done the same with the girl 1,000 miles away, paying for all her expenses and the sister too and buying matching clothes (money isn't an issue for him, privileged background). He also took her on a friends yacht (my suggestion) we were thinking of doing.And one of the poses on a sand dune looks similar to one I did on a sand dune right before our last date. She's the one tagging, but he's done one post that was of her in his town. He's even posted something about a lost kid that is in a city near me. And then he did a surprise visit last weekend to see her. His mom is the only one to comment. He's in an official capacity for his town and owns two businesses. He seemed to be unsure how this relationship was going to work because of the distance and he thought it was weird that I was going to have a date with someone over 500 miles. So now the only thing he can like is my profile photo (which is usually flowers) or background (usually landscapes), which he has been. I even laid low for 2 weeks by not posting before taking a break. So yes, this is a long question, but what does this behavior on social media mean?

1.) wiping away guilt
2.) trying to get me to like his page - ego
3.) his idea of friendship (I'm the only girl that has not broken off communication after dating)
4.) Wants to see me miserable (life has gone on like it was before with no interruptions or anyone noticing according to the way I post on social media. Not even my sister knew about him till yesterday, just my close friends)
5.) Genuinely cares for me but feels guilty
6.) Putting me on the backburner for later
7.) Compartmentalizes and thinks nothing of it; that I said we were friends, so I'm in the social media friends category

On an additional note, he doesn't seem to delete any of his past, I was able to see his 8 month relationship with another girl he said didn't have any moral compass and didn't understand why his mom was still friends with her. It looks like she either unfriended or blocked because there is nothing on his page anymore from her.
And I was the only girl he dated that hadn't kissed him by a 1st or 2nd date (covid is part of it, but I'm also reserved to protect myself from things going further without commitment). I did let him hug me 3rd date but he said he wanted to hug longer. For me its hard because there's a lot of unanswered things, but I will not send him any messages or such. He can have his space with his new connection.
 
Mar 2020
193
15
US
1, 5, 6, and 7.

He's not a committer, or he's a sucker for challenges.

I miss commitment.

Also I fold at reality too, mostly because it's a commitment to lose control and I don't trust anyone. I draw a lot of treachery out of people somehow.

His lack of reality might be why he uses social media at all. Social media is renown for zero consequences.

Depending on how much younger this other girl is, would mean something in this context.

His number of loose relationships also suggests his fear of commitment.

Commitment used to mean, you go with your first love forever (it says that in the bible.)

He has two businesses, he might be good at commitment in other ways.

He might be an adrenaline junkie as business owners typically are required to be.

Or you might have been something new he tried and didn't recognize, or didn't have time to learn about your ways, or they conflicted with his financially necessary values.

(All speculations)

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Aug 2020
2
0
NW Indiana
Wow! Very insightful. One person who used to be my mentor said that she thinks I was a challenge to conquer. He seemed to think I had some kind of past and was pressing me for so long to learn information about my sexual past at 19. when I finally had the conversation while he was on his timeshare vacation, he was possibly in his shadow of feeling - because he had been balling out his eyes over memories of his dad's cancer and this client he wouldn't return calls that had cancer.
When I told him about my restraint and inexperience as a teenager he couldn't believe it. And let saying wow expressively like his reality had been blown. I told him I was not a Christian at that time and so of course I was acting differently. After highschool I had six months of sexual experience and it was such a fast road that I knew it wasn't headed a great direction.

When I told him I only had one relationship for 2 months with a kiss in 28 years he just faded out like he couldn't believe and wasn't sure how to take it. Usually after some kind of phone conversation, we'd text. And that evening he wasn't just thanking me for my bravery. The next day was the first time he didn't text me 4 day. A few days later I had just given up and got tired of trying to initiate text in that first week of his vacation. So I wrote a book goodbye letter privately in a notebook in the morning. I was planning to have the conversation with him. That evening he made some small talk about 2 owls he saw, but I was disengaged because I felt like the end was near. And I was right it was that weekend that he met the girl .

As far as age I am guessing that she's in her forties. It looks like she was married before and had some lavish Mansion type of property. I have a feeling since he met her through friends that he had that were her family that they are of a similar socioeconomic class. Which he might get nods from his mother on. I perceive, and a friend told me this, that his mother seems the type to hover. I know every Wednesday he had to talk to his mom for at least 5 minutes. She knew about our 2nd date and checked on him when we were on a date to see how it went. He also shared pictures of me, one of me reading my Bible.

You've given me some good insight and not just told me to let go and go on. I kind of want to figure out what pattern I have for these kinds of attractions. I have a date that will be coming up in the middle of September who has good potential but I can't place my finger on what it is that attracts me to addicts, promiscuous and at one time were involved in the church but seem to be walking away from that. He now is one of four guys in my 28 years that I've had a deep connection with.

Also I'm trying to wrap my head around what the future will look like for friendship with this guy that I felt such a great cerebal connection. Even though I was thinking of taking a break for a month it might be two months. Then again eight months might not be so bad. I'm just not sure if I would be able to handle him bring engaged.

I know you asked about the girls age but there was a little bit of difference in our age. I'm late forties while he's early forties. I look 10 years younger. He calls himself a boy and says he's not a man. My impression to women is that he is highly cute, kind of goofy, but enduring. While to the outside world he can be quite mean and blunt. He said he's made one of his employees cry.
 
Last edited:
Mar 2020
193
15
US
I can't help you with future decisions. Thanks for the compliment. I'm better at explaining the past to myself than even thinking about the future.

From my experiences, exes stay around, especially the types you described.

You seemed to have hit him hard with your stories. He'll definitely remember you. Even if he prefers someone else.

As far as addicts and promiscuous types. I believe we all have a little back and forth on morality. When you get tired of it dull looks good.

He seems like a very exciting personality with his vivid expression and the ability to "ball" for a woman. And he seems cerebrally gifted. But he calls himself a boy. I imagine his business life keeps him on the up and up. Perhaps he couldn't handle the gravity of your story, which you weren't going to tell him. But I see he respects you, and he might respond to your gentle initiations more than he'll initiate due to your maturity.

Sent from my moto g(7) power using Tapatalk
 
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