Since middle school, I've sought out adult women to connect with. I thought it might stem from mother issues, but I always fantasize comforting them?

Jul 2021
1
0
USA
I apologize if the description is a bit confusing, I wasn't sure how to title this. So - I am currently F (20s), and have always wondered why I looked for older women in my life to connect with. When I was in middle school, I had a handful of female teachers and coaches that I adored, and was always looking for their attention / hoping I could comfort them in some situation / wishing to be close to them. I would write about them in my diary - why I loved them and interactions I had with them. It continued into high school, but faded toward the end, and this is the first time in years that I've begun having those same feelings towards a new woman in my life. I imagine comforting her in all of these wild scenarios. I've done some research throughout the years and people always pointed toward my mom, but my mom is present in my life - she's always been supportive and taken care of me. We've had issues in the past, with me feeling the effects of extreme confidence issues and jealousy on her part, and trust issues. Do my connections with these women stem from any of these issues? Am I just weird? It's never been sexual... and why, if it's realated to my mom, do I always dream of me comforting them? Not vice versa? Thank you in advance.