Sexually explicit: pornography perversion.

Mar 2020
193
15
US
I've been addicted to pornography since I was 13 years old. I'm 32. It distracted me from studies and eventually turned me into a braindead worthless person living off my dad.

The duality between sexuality (abdomen blood) and intelligence (brain blood) is very disturbing to me. The more I go back and forth the more useless I get.

If I could only stay brain oriented. But I can't, because I'm always worried about becoming a sissy.

Pornography used to be classy when it first came out. Normal sized penises. Not that perverted. Recently I returned to vintage porn. Generation X was much more civilized.

The millennials got very perverted, and generation z makes me want to kill myself.

The acceleration of perversion has driven me insane. But I can't help but try to compete. I feel like if I'm not the best, my potential partner will desert me making me truly suicidal to the point of no recovery.

My life has been such a mess, the last thing I will never endure is my partner having an affair.

My life is meaningless without a partner, but having one is almost as risky. I've been obsessed with not being cheated on, to the point of total destruction.

I wish porn would just disappear. The perversion is too much to handle. And as long as it exists, I have to keep up with it, or I'll get left behind, and caught off guard.

I know I'm a sick pervert. I just can't afford the disaster of being cheated on. It would kill me literally. I can't handle that magnitude of emotion. I can barely handle anything as it is.

I feel like I'm going brain dead. But I cant stop because of my enormous fear.

I've also been sexually harassed constantly by everyone including hallucinated voices pretty much every day since 2010. And all this sexual harassment has made it impossible for me not to push my sexuality as far as possible.

Going back and forth is terrifying and excruciating. But it has to do with political duality and fear of the election as well. I believe that politics is very sexually or asexually motivated.

Do I prepare for lawlessness or personal economy?

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