Sex and Violence

Mar 2020
31
5
US
I'm thinking about what I can do other than feel sexual or feeling competitively violent.

All my tendencies gravitate to sex and violence. Violence being energy and strategic thinking in competition with other males.

I suppose there is money to think about and organizing my inventory to think about, but I don't do those. I suffer from disorganization as a diagnosis.

I suppose I should fight my disorganized behavior, but it's very difficult and consumes more energy than it should for me. It is actually less energy consuming to think about strategy (violence.)

I associate strategy with violence because they are a lack of peace and exercise of competition. Violence isn't necessarily breaking the law to me. For instance playing a strategy war game on the computer is an act of violence in my mind. I'm afraid of playing my favorite computer games which involve violence because they put me in a conflictive mindset that affects my other behaviors and how I treat people.

Besides sex, violence (strategy), and perhaps organization, is there other areas that I could consider focusing on?

I really appreciate help adding to my lists. I apologize for the amount of posts I've posted recently. I love asking psychologically familiar people for input.

Sent from my moto g(7) power using Tapatalk
 
  • Like
Reactions: ruebot
Feb 2020
13
0
US
I apologize for the amount of posts I've posted recently. I love asking psychologically familiar people for input.
I'm glad you do. Your posts are interesting, I'm new here, haven't worked in the field since the 90's and never get a chance to speak with people in person of a similar background.

To the contrary, I've found it a bad idea in most cases to let on I know anything about it. That in addition to not looking the part lowers peoples expectations of me and they're more likely to let the real person in them show through.

If they're good people it won't make any difference. If they have ulterior motives or try to lull something over on me, there's most likely a lesson in Behavior Mod coming to show them the error of their ways. And the bigger they are the harder they fall.

I'm a strategist, too. ;) Manipulation is the basis of my Behavior Mod skill set, and while I haven't worked in the field for years am no less proficient at it. Much the more so from years of practicing my craft. Despicable as I know it can seem at face value.

I took the Dark Triad Personality Test after seeing a link to it here, though the site they linked to didn't work with my browser settings and I took the one here. I scored +3.3 on Machiavellianism, -0.2 on Narcissism and +1.4 on Psychopathy. I'm a High Mach and may be a Psychopath, but at least I'm not a Narcissist. :D


I believe the sex and violence you speak of may be in part hormonal in origin. I went through a period during my 20's and 30's where I would think about the violence I had taken part in and relive it over and over in my mind as an enjoyable experience. I know that's a bad thing, did what I could to curb that behavior in myself and not nearly as prone to violence in my old age as I was then.

I'm not a Sadist and don't take any sexual pleasure from it but can't say I didn't enjoy inflicting pain. And if you had any Sadistic tendencies in you, the work we did extinguishing inappropriate behaviors through induction of painful stimuli brought it out.

I'm not so old that I've forgotten about sex though. I was 49 when I married my last wife and she was a 35 year old self-described Nymphomaniac. You have to get out of bed sometime though and that's when things fell apart for both of us.

It takes two to make a relationship work and I have to take my share of the blame in the failure of 3 marriages. After making the same mistake 3 times I finally came to the conclusion I'm not very good at relationships and after divorcing my last wife over a decade ago am living happily ever after comfortable in my own skin.


I'm playing Disgaea: Hour of Darkness, a strategy game for the PS2 now:

"Hour of Darkness is the first game in the Disgaea game series. It follows the young demon Laharl as he recklessly fights numerous battles in order to ascend in the throne and become the Overlord of his Netherworld, along the way he also discovers how violence isn't the only solution.
 
Last edited:
Mar 2020
31
5
US
Warning. Graphic.

Honestly sadism is one thing I can confidently say I've never felt in my life.

I've admired the beauty of skill that severs a head from it shoulders in a very fast pace sword fight, but I've never seen anything interesting about shooting a man in the back of the head with his hands and feet bound, though in my earlier life I used to wish this for people. I was bad.

I've never been attracted to a man giving a woman "sexual enlightenment" only to blow her head off in the middle of it. propoganda porn disturbs me for at least two days non stop if I ever watch it, and it makes me do very disruptive things, that's why I go to church regularly. Women are important and each one is very special to me no matter how conflictive. But I do admit that in the past I have felt like this would be good punishment for certain pornstars I've seen.

I cringed when I heard a homeless man describe the love of his life getting cut in half by a train wheel while trying to hop aboard it while it was moving. At one point I thought my girlfriend was going to be fed to an anaconda by the mafia. This disturbed me for a month or two and led me to commit a vigilant crime, I was so disturbed.

Basically I've thought of punishment, which I don't anymore, but I've never taken pleasure in the actual thing.

I tend to be too empathetic to people. More than serves me. And I actively take part in peacemaking with my environment.

I do understand how conflict is useful for the creation of skill, and I do understand how trauma increases senses and makes people do extra ordinary things. I understand how pain is often better than no pain.

Overall I believe there should be a balance between functional pain and a time for bliss at least once a day.

I can say with confidence that anyone who takes actual pleasure in those horrible things I described earlier is not someone I want to understand. And I highly recommend that you find peace. Perhaps talk to someone who can handle it and will not encourage it. I am not and do not want to be so traumatised that I see the value in stuff like that, not even anymore as punishment. I'm trying to recover from the punishment level of sadism.

Could you however please describe the severity of your sadism, so I can have an idea of if you are someone I need to be talking to.

Do you get aroused by violence?
Do you feel justified by violence?
Or do you admire the skill of violence?

Sent from my moto g(7) power using Tapatalk
 
Feb 2020
13
0
US
I've never been attracted to a man giving a woman "sexual enlightenment" only to blow her head off in the middle of it. propoganda porn disturbs me for at least two days non stop if I ever watch it, and it makes me do very disruptive things, that's why I go to church regularly.
Me either. I had never even heard of "propaganda porn" before you mentioned it now.


Women are important and each one is very special to me no matter how conflictive. But I do admit that in the past I have felt like this would be good punishment for certain pornstars I've seen.
I don't feel the empathy you seem to toward total strangers, but I would say that last sentence was a little extreme. There are no doubt men and women who are forced into porn, or even tricked into participating in what turns out to their surprise a snuff film. But if the woman chooses porn as her preferred means of making a living, I wouldn't punish her for it in any manner.


I cringed when I heard a homeless man describe the love of his life getting cut in half by a train wheel while trying to hop aboard it while it was moving.
Who wouldn't? That's tragic and horrible way to die. Even more horrible if you witnessed it.


At one point I thought my girlfriend was going to be fed to an anaconda by the mafia. This disturbed me for a month or two and led me to commit a vigilant crime, I was so disturbed.
My second wife called me at work to say her ex-husband and his brother were outside of the house beating on the door, honking the horn and she was scared to death. I was Home Manager at the time so I was able to come home and bring her to work. After work they came back with a friend and thought they would try it when I was home. I fought all three at once, sent one to the hospital and I went to jail for 1st Degree Assault.

My Boss was friends with the Prosecutor and got it reduced so I got off with 5 years probation, and I walked every day of it, which means I completed it successfully. They never bothered my wife or me either from that point on. That was in the early 90's and the last time I fought, or had to.


I can say with confidence that anyone who takes actual pleasure in those horrible things I described earlier is not someone I want to understand. And I highly recommend that you find peace. Perhaps talk to someone who can handle it and will not encourage it.
You seem to have misjudged me slightly and it many be my own fault for the way I write and my sense of humor. I am at peace with myself. I don't dwell on violence or wish it upon anyone. The three guys I beat up had it coming. That was my wife and they came to my house to frighten her and fight me. The smallest of the three guys I fought was my size the other two had me by 100 pounds.

They tried to use the car to run me over and attempted to force me into it. When I saw a pair of handcuffs on the rear view mirror I knew if I got in that car I would never get out. I found a gear I never even knew I had and really started fighting then.

I described in another post that followed yours about my civil rights having been violated and the trouble I was going through last summer to get thing made right. That was Admin of the building complex I reside in and it's overseen by HUD. They violated my rights by discriminating against me on the grounds of disability.

If they couldn't tell by looking at me I had been advocate for the rights of my clients for 9 years and I never made it known publicly, does that put me at fault? I filed the report in the proper legal manner with the proper section of HUD and followed all rules in doing so. Yes, they need to pay and pay dearly and according to the rule of law. That case not yet resolved and currently under review by HUD.


Could you however please describe the severity of your sadism, so I can have an idea of if you are someone I need to be talking to.

Do you get aroused by violence?
Do you feel justified by violence?
Or do you admire the skill of violence?
No, I do not get aroused by violence. Nor by pain, agony or any tragic or catrosphic events.

In certain cases yes I have felt justified by violence and if you hit me expect to be hit back. I'll do my best to make it as painful as possible so you don't try it again. That's my style of Behavior Mod.

I'm a purple belt (5th kyu) in Shotokan, so yes. I do admire skill in violence.

However, I do not consider myself to be a Sadist and before you judge me as someone you need to be talking to or not, please review your own post. Then I'm good with any decision you make and will abide by it:

I've never been attracted to a man giving a woman "sexual enlightenment" only to blow her head off in the middle of it. propoganda porn disturbs me for at least two days non stop if I ever watch it, and it makes me do very disruptive things, that's why I go to church regularly. Women are important and each one is very special to me no matter how conflictive. But I do admit that in the past I have felt like this would be good punishment for certain pornstars I've seen.
 
Feb 2020
13
0
US
In my own defense, please allow me to further clarify myself.

In general I've only spoken of the time I worked in the Mental Health field when Behavior Modification and Behavior Management were standard practice in State institutions. I worked at a State Dept of Mental Health Diagnostic Clinic for Developmentally Disabled Individuals and was an employee of the State in which I resided the 4 years I worked there.

The clients we served ranged from what at the time was referred to as Profound to Mildly " mentally retarded". It wasn't only behaviors we addressed, but teaching Life Skills that ranged from brushing your teeth, feeding yourself, toilet training, etc. on up. The goal being they would one day be deemed appropriate for a less restrictive environment like a Group Home.

After that, and after Behavior Mod was banned, I worked 5 years as Manager of Group Homes. One for high functioning individuals who had a good chance of transitioning into the community. One which was for Behaviorally Involved Individuals, and I had known half of them since they were children from my time working at the Clinic. I also did a side job where I made home visits to individual who had made the transition into the community but most likely to get into trouble due to inappropriate behavior.

My Home for behaviors was for clients who had behavior problems that made them inappropriate for their last Group Home environment and the last stop from the Clinic if they couldn't make it in mine. It was rife with abuse when I took over and I cleaned it up, never lost a client to the State and was regularly asked to sit on State Boards of Inquiry into allegations of abuse or neglect.

The clients in my Home for higher functioning individuals weren't behavior disorders and nothing but praise for appropriate behavior was used, or counseling as needed. I taught them skills they would need to transition into the community ranging from cooking, balancing a check book to Human Relations/Sexual Awareness.


I made a lot better money working as a landscaper and wouldn't have spent a good portion of my life working to raise Developmentally Disabled individuals to new heights if I was a Sadist and enjoyed seeing them suffer. I was the closest thing to a Father the majority of them had in their lives, one guy only a few years younger than me asked if I would be his, and a more vigorous Advocate for their Rights they could not have had.

The Stated goal of Shotokan and what I was taught is "Not to fight unless forced to, then to finish it with one crushing blow". I admire skill in violence but in athletics and dancing was well, through I couldn't dance if I was standing on Gene Kelly's feet.
 
Mar 2020
31
5
US
No one else is posting in this forum. I admit I'm very bored and trying to avoid behaviors that make me feel aggressive or disturbed and I'm getting more and more autistic as the coronovirus is on high alert.

I'm disturbed by the public because I've been thinking about sexuality too much in the past few days and I hear voices which I'm almost certain are telepathic relationships with people in the community which everyone can hear and no one will talk about, but towards which people make seemingly random comments to me which line up with the voices this proving that everyone can hear them. I know it's real. There's a psychic community of at least two hundred people constantly discussing and negotiating terms on culture and politics and sexuality. It scary but I'm used to it now. They no longer get make threats cause we've all become pretty much a big team of peacekeepers. Everything I do think or say feeds into the discussion and if I engage in activities or thought patterns that are sexually competitive or strategically violent the group of voices go to war with each other for days, and it affects the attitude of people I actually interact with. So I'm being very careful not to stimulate myself sexually or violently because it will disturb the peace on a cosmic level and make me frustrated for days.

My original question was, is there anything else I can do?

The churches are shut down and I can't even go to church to get redemption like I used to. I'm sure the calming of the sea is a good thing, but I'm dealing with guilt for being inactive.

All I've been doing all day has been posting on forums.

Sent from my moto g(7) power using Tapatalk
 
Feb 2020
13
0
US
I'm disturbed by the public because I've been thinking about sexuality too much in the past few days and I hear voices which I'm almost certain are telepathic relationships with people in the community which everyone can hear and no one will talk about, but towards which people make seemingly random comments to me which line up with the voices this proving that everyone can hear them. I know it's real. There's a psychic community of at least two hundred people constantly discussing and negotiating terms on culture and politics and sexuality. It scary but I'm used to it now. They no longer get make threats cause we've all become pretty much a big team of peacekeepers. Everything I do think or say feeds into the discussion and if I engage in activities or thought patterns that are sexually competitive or strategically violent the group of voices go to war with each other for days, and it affects the attitude of people I actually interact with. So I'm being very careful not to stimulate myself sexually or violently because it will disturb the peace on a cosmic level and make me frustrated for days.
My original question was, is there anything else I can do?

To give your own advise back to you, "I highly recommend that you find peace".

You mentioned in another thread you have a Therapist. If you haven't told them about this already you should do so. I'm sure it's very disconcerting for you to endure conflict like that, but am certain they are not voices which "are telepathic relationships with people in the community which everyone can hear and no one will talk about". Not that I don't believe in psychic abilities.

I'm not trying to be cruel or hurtful in telling you this. I'm telling you this as a friend whether you consider me one or not. That's not important to me. Your peace of mind is.


The churches are shut down and I can't even go to church to get redemption like I used to. I'm sure the calming of the sea is a good thing, but I'm dealing with guilt for being inactive.
You don't have to go to Church to ask God for redemption. I don't go to church on a regular basis but have strong belief and faith in God. Nobody else even has to know you're praying and you can do so silently in times of strife if that would be of some comfort.