Scars in summer

Apr 2015
1
0
Germany
Hi...

Thank you for all your answers and thoughts.

I seem to have been cutting myself last winter. The scars are difficult to hide, I fear the day that I meet up with my family in summer, but I can't regret any of the action of it. These are scars, that are part of me. Only they are unfortunately a part of me in summer, when it is hot. It is nothing terrible, it is just easy to discover. It makes me nervous.

I would lie to you if I told you why I cut myself last winter. Maybe it was because I saw no escape from my life, of studuing and working as someone I didn't want to be. Or because I thought I was limited in my potentials. I was always interested in arts, but my family wouldn't allow it at college. I think that maybe they are right, I mean, only few art students survive the after-college aera. But even if my family meant the right thing, I felt shut down.

So I cut myself. And burnt. A little bit. I feared (and fear) the moment that I take up the job that I am studying to be right now.
Now it is summer. The cuts I made were deeper than I intended. And noone of my relatives knows about this new 'hobby'. Some cuts have become scars. I hide them with make up, but some of them are thicker than my skin, and you can see their shadows. I cannot hide them, but I just cannot show them to my family. I am afraid that they will find out, and if they do, it will be hell for me. They won't understand/ At all.

Any advises?