Please Help. Clinical certified "Mother psychopath behavior - Daughter with APD"

Nov 2021
4
2
Greece
I'd like to ask if anyone is dealing with this kind of situation. As the father/husband of this family, I'm facing strong depression coming from this situation and don't know how to deal with it or if there is any prospect on this. I don't know if I should run away as far as possible or If I'll be able to stay and try to hold some things together. This situation is going on for 15 years now, from when my daughter was born.
 
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Aug 2021
155
92
Austin, TX
Please do not run away. You may be the only stable person in your daughter's life. She needs you. If you can find a counselor, I would recommend that. Other people you could talk to include clergy, teachers, mental health workers, and so forth. You could also look into Cognitive Behavior Therapy which is designed to help you control your feelings/ emotions, rather than letting them control you. A good place to start might be Cognitive Behavior for Dummies, which should be available at your library or perhaps you can find it used. Please, for the sake of your daughter do not abandon her at this point, but try to help her work through her issues, which may also be good therapy for you...
Please let us know how it goes, and good luck,
Ivery
 
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Nov 2021
4
2
Greece
Please do not run away. You may be the only stable person in your daughter's life. She needs you. If you can find a counselor, I would recommend that. Other people you could talk to include clergy, teachers, mental health workers, and so forth. You could also look into Cognitive Behavior Therapy which is designed to help you control your feelings/ emotions, rather than letting them control you. A good place to start might be Cognitive Behavior for Dummies, which should be available at your library or perhaps you can find it used. Please, for the sake of your daughter do not abandon her at this point, but try to help her work through her issues, which may also be good therapy for you...
Please let us know how it goes, and good luck,
Ivery
Thank you very much for your warm reply. At this time we are all visiting our psychologists. I think that my daughter is doing unexpectedly fine. We had some time together going out in nature and she seemed more confident, happier with her new school and new friends. We are having a nice time together once a week when we go out for a walk. My wife on the other side does nothing but disappoints me. Shallow talk with my daughter (at this moment mother is talking while daughter is shouting to her to get out of her room) and most times talking about herself. I wrote her a letter with all my thoughts on how we could work out our relationship and she took the letter to show it to her friends. I was so frustrated. Today we spoke to a new psychiatrist and as I was informing the doctor about her condition she thought that I was offending her (or something) and started to blame me saying about the times we had fights that I shouted to her. All she has to say very-very often is about me shouting and a few times swearing when we had a fight because of her psychopathic behavior. Even when I show her she is wrong, even when she confesses her actions it's a matter of time to forget everything and make the same mistakes again and again. I think her case is only going worse and don't think I can live with her anymore. The problem is that our money is running out fast with so many doctors and our daughter is in high school meaning she needs constant funding so next month I and my wife will have to stop seeing our doctors and try to do anything we can alone. Of course, if have very low expectations of how this will go on in the near future (it's going to be one hell of a Christmas). It is hard for me to leave the house now as everything (even my job) in the house belongs to her. I'm trying to find another job but it is hard to find one when you're near 50 and rents around have really gone high. I really feel cursed and I wish I was dead although don't have suicidal thoughts but still very depressed.
 
Aug 2021
155
92
Austin, TX
in addition to everything else you are doing, I would recommend you look into Cognitive Behavior Therapy. This is a self help psychotherapy designed to help you convert negative feelings/ emotions into positive feelings/ emotions through looking at things more rationally. Most of our negative emotions are the result of unrealized expectations, which are the result of unrealistic expectations. CBT can help you make more realistic expectations, thus helping you avoid negative outcomes. Once again I commend you for your efforts to help both your wife and daughter. Please continue to have patience and work especially hard with your daughter. You will avoid negative feelings later in your life and thank your current self in future years.
Still wishing you the best,
Ivery
 
Jul 2021
420
51
London
I'd like to ask if anyone is dealing with this kind of situation. As the father/husband of this family, I'm facing strong depression coming from this situation and don't know how to deal with it or if there is any prospect on this. I don't know if I should run away as far as possible or If I'll be able to stay and try to hold some things together. This situation is going on for 15 years now, from when my daughter was born.
I think most elders will have auditory reductions so sort of am dealing with it, and yes it can get frustrating in the beginning, I tried to book an appointment with the doctor for the auditory devices, as over 60s can get them for free or almost but the person I cared about was worried he had to pay too much, as they otherwise cost a lot, and then there's maintenance and all that, but it's not the case for over 60s, still for some reason they don't find the time to go, so yes, I do understand where you are coming from. I think in Southern Europe but also central Europe people talk too loud, and that in my view impacts the ear, but just say to your wife, please could you kindly lower your voice when you talk to me, I can hear you. If she doesn't get it, then say you are going to record her to show her how loud she gets. I don't think she is a psychopath it's just a bad habit, like smoking, but yes, they have exactly the same impact, so it would help to make the person understand, that it doesn't work. The other thing on your side, is try to listen to the person and actively, and reassure them "look, I am listening to you, there is no audience, just me". I think people who speak too loud come from a history of invalidation, and so they want all the attention to the self (HPD), but a psychopath is an entirely different "person". Psychopaths are very dangerous people who never had any invalidation they were always overly spoiled.
The other last thing on a medical perspective is to do a neurological assessment if there's anything wrong with both the wife and daughter, as an example my HPD had had TIAs and so had to deal with the TIAs, but yes.
 
Jul 2021
420
51
London
Real psychopaths are the source of everything, depression, everything. It is what I learnt from the therapy, until they exist there's always going to be mental illness, of some sort, and those who marry psychopaths become mentally ill themselves, this is why I doubt your wife is one, otherwise you wouldn't even have any morals, trust me. Nobody is attracted to a psychopath other than a fellow psychopath, it is impossible otherwise. Life's too short to believe their homewrecking nonsense too, I don't :). Why else would you be attracted to someone like that? There must be some shared "lack of values", otherwise it is impossible for someone to love psychopaths, in fact those who do are said to suffer from the condition of hybristophilia. Most people don't feel that for criminals.
 
Nov 2021
4
2
Greece
Real psychopaths are the source of everything, depression, everything. It is what I learnt from the therapy, until they exist there's always going to be mental illness, of some sort, and those who marry psychopaths become mentally ill themselves, this is why I doubt your wife is one, otherwise you wouldn't even have any morals, trust me. Nobody is attracted to a psychopath other than a fellow psychopath, it is impossible otherwise. Life's too short to believe their homewrecking nonsense too, I don't :). Why else would you be attracted to someone like that? There must be some shared "lack of values", otherwise it is impossible for someone to love psychopaths, in fact those who do are said to suffer from the condition of hybristophilia. Most people don't feel that for criminals.
Things have changed since my wife was pregnant. She had a lighter anxiety problem before but after the child was born she became a constant blast of anxiety manifesting through logorrhea and constant and unfiltered thoughts and actions. Some of the psychopathic features that I now see clear on her are a) Being deceitful. Not always but many times b) Never apologizing and never ever have heard her say "I was wrong" or "I'm sorry" even when I told her it's not normal c) Complete lack of guilt d) She is manipulative to both me and my child in her own deceitful way. e) she's having the "shallow affect" meaning having shallow thoughts or lack of deep understanding of things, even shallow "friendships" she is proud of. f) Poor behavioral controls and lack of basic manners when with the family g) lack of any long-term goals h) pathological lying mostly on facts about our child. i) being narcissistic and mostly talking about herself. j) low connection with empathy when like there is no stop when I and my daughter show that we are tired of her or angry with her. All this plus arrogant behavior and lack of self criticize blew my life away. She wasn't like that before our marriage but after so many years she has forgotten who she was without letting me remind her and blaming me that I'm manipulative when trying to remind her and that I'm wrong because "then you lost your temper and shouted and cursed to my face and that's all that matters because after that I was afraid of you and your daughter is afraid of you too". I've had a hard life already working hard to support the family and maybe that was my mistake. I was so focused on my job especially for the past 5 years and lost connection with my family. I now don't know if I can save anything but I also know I can easily lose everything. Told my psychiatrist that I cannot leave cause I cannot let my child alone with this woman. She said that if I feel this way I should go. I'm so stuck
 
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Jul 2021
420
51
London
Things have changed since my wife was pregnant. She had a lighter anxiety problem before but after the child was born she became a constant blast of anxiety manifesting through logorrhea and constant and unfiltered thoughts and actions. Some of the psychopathic features that I now see clear on her are a) Being deceitful. Not always but many times b) Never apologizing and never ever have heard her say "I was wrong" or "I'm sorry" even when I told her it's not normal c) Complete lack of guilt d) She is manipulative to both me and my child in her own deceitful way. e) she's having the "shallow affect" meaning having shallow thoughts or lack of deep understanding of things, even shallow "friendships" she is proud of. f) Poor behavioral controls and lack of basic manners when with the family g) lack of any long-term goals h) pathological lying mostly on facts about our child. i) being narcissistic and mostly talking about herself. j) low connection with empathy when like there is no stop when I and my daughter show that we are tired of her or angry with her. All this plus arrogant behavior and lack of self criticize blew my life away. She wasn't like that before our marriage but after so many years she has forgotten who she was without letting me remind her and blaming me that I'm manipulative when trying to remind her and that I'm wrong because "then you lost your temper and shouted and cursed to my face and that's all that matters because after that I was afraid of you and your daughter is afraid of you too". I've had a hard life already working hard to support the family and maybe that was my mistake. I was so focused on my job especially for the past 5 years and lost connection with my family. I now don't know if I can save anything but I also know I can easily lose everything. Told my psychiatrist that I cannot leave cause I cannot let my child alone with this woman. She said that if I feel this way I should go. I'm so stuck
But anxiety isn't the same as psychopathy.
Sounds like a mild form of paranoid disorder, trauma-related, post-partum depression or something.

Psychopaths stalk, generally, I saw one this morning in the underground, I think big cities have the highest concentration of psychopaths in general. I didn't enjoy the harassment, so I took a photograph of the person to scare her off, and oddly it worked! A taste of their own medicine, as someone who knows the law, we do study that you can't drag everybody in court, but sure it would help if the State did take care of these psychopaths. On top of that, I was getting ready for an exam, and I wasn't in the mood for being messed with due to a loss, didn't sleep well last night, it was a "don't mess with the HSP day or I'll take you down". I mean, they don't respect queues, then they stalk and harass you, and you move seat then they keep looking at you as to scare you off, since some dick must have sent them to stalk. Next time I'll take a video and then upload it on youtube. ;) She was half my height... Anyway, yes, there are people who still my question with psychopaths, but really I took the photograph non-chalantly, that puts off the psychopath, as they are intoxicated. They look like normal, although I must say something about them is pretty irritating, their look is irritating, and it is true, they do find HSPs irritating, they better be. Make the mobster notorious one thing they hate the most, but yes they are getting many, that's what I am worring about.
 
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