need help !

Nov 2020
8
0
cambridge
Hello everyone !!!
so i am new to this forum !! and I write to talk about my problem which is like this, I feel strange emotions (I do not know how to describe them precisely), this emotions come to me anytime and anywhere !!! and they are intense and serious !!! when these emotions arise I think of things:
sometimes I think about the fact that I don't have a girlfriend to make love with and that others have it !!
sometimes I think about the fact that I don't make plans with friends and that others do !!!
sometimes i think about the fact that i don't have cool relationships with my family members while others do in front of me !!!!
the emotion is stifling !! and i need help !!!
thank you
 
Mar 2020
235
19
US
I'm glad you posted about your feelings in a safe forum.

Let me tell you some of my story regarding relationships. Maybe other people's stories of relationships can make you feel better. Disclaimer I have a few mental illnesses.

Middle school was my best time for relationships, we were all very young and our parents were all Christian and conservative and taking care of us. We studied hard and it was a small school so we all knew each other so closely it was incredible.

In a Catholic high school everybody pretended to be friends, but the illusion of everyone so happy and experimenting with drugs and sex was way overloading for me. I stayed to my studies, hung out with misfits, and got called retarded.

College I didn't take so seriously, I avoided everyone and studied, or I got lazy and played computer games. I had 7 years of college with not a single degree cause they kept shutting down programs.

As far as my girlfriends went, my first girlfriend was when I was 20, she was 35. She just wanted to "show me around" so to speak, and the sex was so mind blowing that when she left I got suicidal and hurt myself.

The next year I was with an older woman and we had sex for 3 years until I insisted to myself that I get out of this sick pattern.

I haven't had sex since. For 7 years.

I tried to have a friendship with the first girlfriend again and she had a new boyfriend and I ended up going to jail for the first time after a fight with him.

For the last 3 years I had only long distance relationships. I had a long distance girl who told me she loved me and couldn't live with out me. I sent her money to pay her rent. I had 3 friends in Nigeria too, but they were always dying of thirst and water was $30/gal. I barely sent them money and somehow they lived but they eventually got really mad and jealous of me and deleted them because it was just too much. A lesson on the fact that we are not all equal and can't be.

Right now I'm sitting around with a dumb work at home job that doesn't pay the bills and getting some temporary help from my dad till I figure some financial step out.

...

I don't want you to live a life like mine, just thought my story could give you perspective.

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Nov 2020
8
0
cambridge
thanks for replying me !!
i was just wondering if those feelings that i got are normal or it is a sign of mental issue ???
because i believe that can't be normal to feel such a bad and hard feelings !
 
Mar 2020
235
19
US
Your feelings are chemical reactions of minerals, amino acids, and vitamins. Don't let them control you unless you like the flavor.

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Nov 2020
8
0
cambridge
thank for your reply !!
i don't like those feelings for sure !!! do you suggest that i am suffering from a lack of those matters and i have to consume them or there is no way to avoid those emotions ???
i just need a clarification !
 
Mar 2020
235
19
US
I had erratic emotions and disorganization and a form of anxiety where I got stuck in a perpetual mind changing loop.

Cognitive behavioral therapy helped me a lot, but then, focusing so much on myself made me lethargic.

To get better from that I looked at the outside world.

Life to me is a balance between my body and the seemingly infinite universe.

That's how I look at things at age 32.

With so many bad relationships, genetic asperger's syndrome, and an inherent philiaphobia, I am satisfied with minimal social interaction. And talking to people, I am not shocked at the lack of connection and understanding.

There's no way to make you the sexual go to guy for all women, and even if there were, all men would plot your death.

I say, be satisfied with yourself and your surroundings and your life to attract one girl and maybe 5 friends at most at a time.

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Mar 2020
235
19
US
The average woman and friend wants to be around a person who appears strong enough, not to be desperate. Keeping friends positive is a responsibility.

Satisfied people draw a lot to themselves because people share what they are.

So before you try to find friends or before you think unsatisfied thoughts. You have to make yourself satisfied.

That's my solution.

Desperation looks to people like your going to do something dangerous and unpredictable which is going to cause them stress and trouble. Desperation also is like shooting a pool ball I to another pool ball, and you'll just give them your bad feelings.

So snuff your bad feelings and others bad feelings all on your own. That's the most powerful social skills and it's uncommon. So if you can do that you'll be elite hercules friend to anyone you choose.

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Nov 2020
8
0
cambridge
thanks for reply !!!
so i need to be satisfied first to get friends !! is it ???
how to be satisfied ??? i have no idea about that !!
 
Mar 2020
235
19
US
You have to learn that life at it's minimum is good enough. You have to be happy with nothing. Have peace with the fact that all those images of glory and fantasy are lies. Don't fall for the lies. Know that whoever you think is the perfect person consists of only a brain with its own perspective: two eyes, two ears.

Art is built to make us want more. It sells things. Art is for making someone spend their time earning money so that they can buy this thing with their money. All art is sales advertising.

I imagine you are in a world of flashy neon lights, with people in groups of 4 or 5 walking around laughing at very funny jokes. You imagine that they are something that you are not. You imagine that there is something about them that you do not have.

What that is is that they are satisfied.

They are not satisfied because they are laughing and in groups with neon signs.

They are walking in groups and laughing amongst neon signs because they are satisfied. And they still only have two eyes and two ears. And the joke wasn't that funny. But they laugh to be nice to each other. Perhaps they have known each other for 3 days. And they will leave each other today. That is 3 days of using their eyes and their ears to be with each other...

There is a family whose father is a drunk abuser. The mother is a heroin addict. The child has been sexually assaulted all her life, and cannot work because of her mental illnesses.

How do you take that child and put her in the neon lights scene?

There is a jungle full of thorny vines. You have to get across it and you cannot go around it. You have to cut one branch with a machete. That took a lot of strength and energy. You're tired right away. You have to get through the jungle... You cut branches maybe 10,000 branches and you find a chasm that you can't possibly climb down. You don't know how many more branches you have to cut until you find a spot in the chasm that you can manage to get down. You have to get to the other side of the jungle. So you have to keep cutting.

When your on the other side of the jungle. You are there. What good was that? You just cut 4,000,000 vines. What does that mean? Are you satisfied?

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