Need Help analysing my mother's behaviour

May 2020
My mother is often fighting with my father about the stupidest things.
*Often she blames him for not providing to our home while he is the only one providing to my home. She rarely buy groceries but claim that she is the only responsible person in the family
* She start a fight everyday complaining that our neighbors and relatives from my fathers side are sayings thing behind her back and conspiring with my father against her, while I can see that its pure baloney.
* Once she starts a quarrel she keeps on talking about the above-mentioned things for hours even though nobody is listening, she keeps doing this until someone gets angry and talks back.
* She starts fight with my father when a relative/neighbor sees her and not smile at her. She says its my fathers fault that he said bad things about her to them.
* During the fights she keeps on exerting that she does not need anybody's help to live, that she has her money from her father to live her life own her own, she is not talking about being an independent women, she is saying that she does not need anyone's cooperation in life. She rejects the fact that man is social animal.
*She believes that my father, his relatives and our neighbors all the want the money she inherited.
*She sometimes confront people about this and they are like, "What the hell is wrong with this woman?"
*This morning she argued that an uncle of mine deliberately put a dead cat in our garage.
*She acts like everything is about her. And when anything goes wrong, its because my father conspired against it.
*She used to buy eggs from our neighbor and recently she told my mother that there not enough eggs, now my mothers says that my father told her to sell eggs to my mother.
*When any relative comes to our house, she starts talking about all these thing until they become uneasy and leave. Nobody comes to visit us anymore.
* Once father and mother went for a couples therapy , after hearing everything he said something she didn't like, after that she said he is not qualified and refused to see another expert.
* She is extremely agitated when some one points out her fault. She says she is not responsible for it as she is very hardworking.
* once she forgot to flush the toilet, when pointed it out, she burst out saying things like she is working hard for the family so she can't be responsible.
* When pointed out that she didn't close the refrigerator door she exclaimed that she bought it so she'll do whatever she likes with it.
*She had a uterine surgery 5 years ago even though now she is fit, she makes it excuse for being lazy.

Are these things symptoms of any personality disorder?
I need help.
Jun 2020
Irvine, CA
Sorry to hear this. How long has this behavior been going on? I'm assuming she wasn't always like this.
Mar 2020
Well my mom was almost identical to this until she hit 66. I loved her anyway even though she was impossible to please. I kept a wall between us because I knew I wasn't the appropriate person to please her.

My dad was stoic quiet and insecure. But he was crafty enough to score really high paying salaries though he always lost his job.

My mom didn't understand my dad because she was post Keiser Germany and my dad was british original settler.

I understood that this was love, even though it wasn't Disney. This is what happens after "happily ever after." And it's worth it because there's someone there. Even miserable, it's better than nothing.

As the product of their mixed genes. I understood that I played a key role in their cooperation with each other. I knew that me and my brother were the only ones keeping them together even as far back as 4 years old.

My brother quit on them, married a liberal woman and pretty much never talked to us again to this day.

I was the only one in touch with my parents. The relatives didn't like her. They all told me to run away. But I had such a deep love for my financially helpful parents (after nearly homicadial tendencies) that I just stuck around.

I didn't live with them, but I was going through psychiatric problems since age 7 and even though they werent great, they were there. And because they were so used to fighting, my problems were no problem to them.

Having me around gave them something to think about other than each other. And it was healthy for them to have some third party perspective.

I developed a stronger relationship with my stoic dad, who taught me life saving things after he understood that he had something valuable to say and that I was paying attention.

When covid hit and my dad lost his job (again) they got used to each other. But it wasn't until I finally won my mother's respect that she felt accomplished, that her life had raised a good son. This meant everything to her. Now watching my mom and dad is truly heavenly. But they're in their 60s now.

If you really want a healthy family. You will do everything in your power to show them that their lives weren't a waste.

Translation was the main thing that got me to get along with my cranky parents. I had to talk in their terms at their level. Respecting all their obstinance. I learned that the more respectful I was the more headway I would make in having them accept one of my ideas at a time. About 99% of the words I said to them appeared to be meaningless.

Having nothing better to do with my life I made this my project. At age 31 I finally have to think about myself.

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