Need advice

Jul 2020
1
0
Toronto, ON
My wife recently told me that I'm a pathological liar that can't be cured so I'm turning to experts in this forum for advices.
Initially I didn't think so because I believe I'm usually truthful most of the time, but when I started to review my behaviour in the last 30 years I now think it's true.

I'm going to try to shorten the long story, I have been a horrible scum and I am currently speaking to a therapist about it, so please ignore the fact that I am a despicable person, this is the thread I'm looking help for a pathological liar, not about other things I've done.
- I think it started many years ago, I went to strip clubs with some friends, when my wife found out from other people, I kept denying it. (I know, it's stupid, it was nothing to lie about)
- I promised my wife I quit smoking (also many years ago), but I kept on going back to smoking after quitting time after time. Whenever she smelled smoke on me or caught a glimpse of me smoking, I immediately denied again and again.
- Recently I've been addicted to an online game for over 2 years, I avoided my wife and family to spend as much time as I can with this game, causing issues with my wife to the point that I lied about where I went, what I was doing, and got angry whenever she confronted me about playing this game. I recently discovered that it was an addiction and quit the game.
- This is the worst, I cheated on my wife for 2 years, my wife found out about it a couple of months ago. During this 2 years of cheating, I deceived my wife on a lot of things so that she wasn't suspecting about the cheating, lies and lies and lies....

I realized that I've been an extremely horrible human being, a scum of a husband. It was like I suddenly woke up from a nightmare, realized how much a wonderful wife and mother she's been in all these years, I realized that I still love her very much so I started seeking help from a Therapist to talk about my infidelity, I quit smoking permanently, and I quit the game. I've been begging my wife to give me a second chance.

My wife told that those were not the only lies, she said that I denied and twisted anything that would make me look bad. So her conclusion is that because I'm a pathological liar, she doesn't think we can recover from my infidelity, because I will go back to cheating and lie to her again. I feel so ashamed and I vouched to myself to never cheat to break her heart again, but I don't blame her for not believing it.

So what I'm asking for help from this forum is: Am I a pathological liar? Is there any treatment for this behaviour?

I'm getting sick and tired of the secrets and lies, please advise.
 
Mar 2020
203
17
US
I'm sorry first of all. I really don't have much to say.

It's up to her if she's going to stay with you.

You might have thought it was ok to do things like that. And many psychologists would tell you that if you wanted to do it, it must have been the right thing for you.

I am not a professional. I'm a patient.

I consider myself to have been hurt a lot by what you have been hurt by as well as hurt by people who have been hurt by what you have been hurt by.

The idea that you are sorry says that you also didn't want to do it even though you did.

This could be considered lying because it was conflicted. A lie is a self conflict. A liar doesn't tell the truth because he doesn't like what he's doing. He feels guilty about what he's doing. He knows it's wrong according to himself and the person he is talking to. And yet he does it and lies about because he is also conflicted that he wants it too.

I can't say you're going to get either way. You have wanted both. And you couldn't tell the truth because you were doing both.

You might be a victim of a divided society and you might be smart enough to have seen that the society was divided, and you didn't want to fight on either side. So you took both sides.

I have a problem where I don't lie but I act. My problem is that I understand so many different types of people that I have evolved the ability to communicate properly with them all. This is a problem because I look really weird not being on one side or the other either. In fact. I don't really have an identity.

Our problems are similar. But whereas you lie about what you're doing. I don't do anything.

We've both got unique problems.

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