My Mother Got Offended Over A Cheap Mother's Day Present. Who Is Right? Who Is Wrong?

May 2022
4
0
Australia
Hi. My name is Mark. I'm 43-years-old. I live with my mum, dad and younger sister. I'm mostly happy and emotionally stable. My 71-yr-old mother deeply offended me on Mother's Day. I gave her a card with AUD $100.00. It deeply offended her because it wasn't enough money. She gave me the cold shoulder and silent treatment, then rudely left the house without so much of a kiss on the cheek or thank you. That really hurt me considering that I'm no mind reader and didn't know exactly how much money to give her which would be enough to put a big happy smile on her face. Because I can see that all the nice things that I've given her in the past meant absolutely nothing to her, I feel that it may be best to never give each other presents ever again in order to avoid future arguments. Many times I've given her $100.00 in the past and that seemed good enough for her back then but now everything has changed.

Within the last 4 years, I spent over $9000 on her. Am I not entitled to a little breather once in a while and give her less? I believe she got offended because I recently pulled $47,000 out of the bank and only gave her a lousy $100. She feels that because she runs around everywhere and puts food on the table and cooks for me, that she's entitled to receive more money. While that may be true, what she doesn't understand is that this year is different. After listening to Mike Adams Situation Update podcasts, I now fear an economic collapse. I need to watch my money and only buy that which is most important if we are to survive as a family. I'm thinking of the long-term survival of this family. I suddenly transformed into a prepper. I can see many large payments looming over the horizon. Being on a disability pension, I just can't afford to spend too much money on her and/or buy useless trinkets. I'm in survival mode at the moment and only looking to buy that which is most essential. I'm currently stocking up on food and will soon be buying a Big Berkey water purifier once new stock arrives here in Australia.

Please tell me who is being more selfish and greedy here? Am I at fault for giving her a lousy $100.00, or is she at fault for demanding more?

Several days later, there's hardly any food left in the fridge. Just one overripe avocado and a bit of stale bread. Since Mother's Day, she's still avoiding me like the plague.

You know, I don't deserve this. I'm a very loving and caring person. I always place people first ahead of myself. I waste no time but do nice things for people, and this is the kind of respect that I receive in return? Pfft!

My mum used to get deeply offended when my dad gave her certain cards and presents. My mum sends out this aura like she expects to get hurt come every Mother's Day, birthday or Christmas. I believe that she learnt this psychological conditioning from her sister. Her sister would often deliberately send her insulting gifts such as framed photos of their dog or daughter or other. I remember the day when my mother got offended after my dad gave her a simple birthday card of two birds looking at each other. My mother and sister totally freaked out and misinterpreted the symbolic meaning as being insulting. It totally blew my mind that my mum and sister would behave in such an irrational and immature way, blow things out of proportion and take this as another direct insult. I personally saw nothing wrong with the card. They always misinterpret and get things wrong about people's true motives, and no matter how many times you try to right their wrongs, they refuse to listen to reason and always believe that they are in the right and everybody else is wrong. It is most often delusional thinking. They are quick to take offense over the silliest of things that any normal person would brush off as nothing. When things go wrong they team up together and always get things muddled up. My dad and I have to suffer fools. Me and my dad live with two mentally handicapped women who have zero emotional intelligence nor intuitive insight.

No matter what the argument, my mother and sister always have to be right. They can never allow themselves to admit when they've gotten something wrong. They have never apologized for being in the wrong. My mother and sister are good at playing the victim card, and that it's everybody else's fault other than their own while they allow themselves to continue to suffer and get sick despite it. That to me is very sad. With God as my witness, I refuse to bear any guilt because deep down I feel that I'm in the right.

What is really playing on my mind right now is, how is she gonna react towards me in 3 months time when it's her birthday followed by Christmas? I don't know how much to give her before she will become satisfied. If I accidentally give her less again, then that would mean another long round of silent treatment and no food in the fridge. From here onwards, I feel that it may be best that we come to some sort of agreement of no more presents for either of us. I would much prefer to receive nothing for birthdays and Christmas than to be in her debt where I have to give her something of equal value in return. The one thing that I hate most is arguing with people. I must keep the peace at all costs and come to some sort of resolution.

From this whole experience, it really hurts me that I should now find myself in a position where I must prove to her how much I love her by offering her substantial amounts of cash. My love for my naive and innocent, beautiful Christian mother is unconditional. She of all people should already know by now where my heart lies. She should be happy and grateful that I at least offered her something rather than nothing. That $100.00 could buy her a nice Chinese meal or a big box of chocolates. What does she expect from me? A David Jones Louis Vuitton handbag to match her David Jones Louis Vuitton shoes? Like, get real! What she deserves is a slap in the face for being greedy, selfish and flat out rude to the loving and caring son who loves her with all his heart. Why must I match my sister's overly expensive presents year after year? It's not right. Sorry, but it just doesn't feel right. I did absolutely nothing wrong to deserve this punishment!
 
Aug 2021
370
181
Texas, USA
According to the Beatles money can't buy you love. And that is true. Love involves knowing someone well enough to find a personalized gift for them, not generic cash. Love involves doing things for her, letting her know you love her every day, and yes, forgiving her. To quote a standard in weddings, love is patient, love is kind, love forgives all things. Love never endures all things, even when others do it wrong. And, perhaps your parents would like for you to move out and find a life of your own, with someone you want to share the rest of your life with. Forgive your mother, and get on with your life.
BTW, you are both right and you are both wrong...
If you want help getting started, let me know, and good luck,
Ivery
 
May 2022
4
0
Australia
Find a personalized gift, not generic cash, you say. Ha-ha. Yeah. I suppose. But what if I've run out of nice things to give her? What if I find it difficult or hate leaving the house to go shopping?

Two days after I posted my Mother's Day comment, my sister wrote me a 3-page letter. In that letter she said that my mother got offended over the card and not the money. It's hard to believe she would say that considering during the heated argument I had with my sister on day two, she accidentally blurted out that it wasn't enough money as the reason why mum got so angry. Her blurting out certain other things is what fired me up and inspired me to write my mother a 10-minute-long angry letter. It took me 7 hours to write it.

I kinda get the feeling my sister is lying about the card being the only thing that offended my mum. I think she might just be saying that in order to calm me down by shifting part of the blame onto herself. The thing is, my sister is always quick to thrust an early birthday or Christmas card in my face before I'm given the chance to buy one myself. She says, "here, take this card for mum, then fill it up with cash." In her letter, my sister said, the main reason why mum got offended was because she found the card in her bedroom many days before she passed it on to me to give to mum. Mum was angry because she realized that the card came from my sister and not me. Because my mum thought I had bought the card for her, that is what offended her.

Another thing my sister brought up during the heated argument on day two, is that I always get angry with mum's cooking. That I never appreciate the nice things she does for me. Wow! That really fired me up when she said that because I know deep down, I do appreciate all the nice things mum does for me. I always remember to tell her how much I love her and thank her for a lovely meal. My sister is no doubt bringing up dirt from the past that happened over 15 years ago and beyond. It's true. There was a time when I used to always complain and criticize my mum's cooking. But ever since I stopped eating glyphosate-enriched processed foods but transitioned to organic food within the last 15 or so years, my whole personality and demeanour about food has changed in regard to what gets served up. I'm no longer picky with my food in the full knowledge that organic food is expensive and that I can now settle for a small bowl of organic soup without fuss. I don't respect the fact that they're now creating lies or believing in lies in order to give themselves more of a reason to make me look bad to justify their stupidity over $100 lousy dollars and/or a card. If I can fast for 10 days. If I can get by eating nothing but 2 avocados, 2 punnets of blueberries or 3 apples each day in order to save money, then yeah, what have I got to complain about when I can make personal sacrifices like this where I can force myself in a situation where there's a lack of food? Heck! Because I care for, and respect my mum so much, in the last 4 weeks, I changed my diet to a much simpler diet in order to not only save money but to give her a much needed breather from racing to the markets every Sunday to buy all my vegetables.

In your comment, I kinda got the feeling that you would have much preferred to have said something like this if it didn't sound so blatantly rude. "If your 43, then what the hell are you doing still living with your parents, and to have a mother whose still a slave for her son? What's the go with that? Shouldn't you be moved out already, and be married, and looking after a beautiful wife with kids rather than relying on your elderly mother to take care of you." Yes, you would be right. My mum does all my cooking and cleaning, and I love her for it. There is one big reason why I cannot move out and get involved in relationships. It would be much too long to mention here. I would have to create another post that explains what ails me.

Trust me when I say that both my parents would much prefer that I not go anywhere. They have both made it as clear as day that they would much prefer that I stay right by their side. You see, I'm the one who provides all the entertainment. Without me creating them videos on demand, and other important health advice that I've learnt through my internet research, they would be totally bored out of their minds and stuffed without me. They do nice things for me, and I do things they cannot do for themselves.

You may wanna take another good long read of this Mother's Day post because it won't be up for very long. I will be deleting it sometime within the next week or two. Because I get the feeling that my mother is beginning to open herself up again by subtly leaving food in the fridge, it's only right that this must go. Because my anger has now somewhat subsided, it doesn't feel right to leave this posted here forever. And besides, maybe I am wrong. Maybe it was the card and not the cash. I don't know. People say a lot of crazy stuff during the heat of an argument, most of which they don't mean. Because I could be wrong, I feel that it's best to always give people the benefit of the doubt, then kiss and make up, then move on.
 
Aug 2021
370
181
Texas, USA
Ok, I think I have a better idea of what is going on...it sounds like you all are living in a toxic environment for all of you. Is there a clergy member or other counselor you can consult? Perhaps your insurance may cover therapy. You and your whole family need counseling either separately or as a family unit. Until then, your problems will probably continue to escalate until something explodes and your family may be harmed irreparably. I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but you probably have known something like this was probable. None of you are in the right, and all of you are in the right. There are so many deep currents running here it will take professional help to straighten it all out...
Best of luck to you,
Ivery
 
May 2022
2
0
Texas
Hi, thanks for sharing all this about your mother and family. First of all, I'd like to say what the heck is wrong with your mother's sister? Why would she give insulting gifts? Your mother is surely projecting her sister onto you. That is what people do when someone hurts them, and they don't understand why. They start expecting other people to hurt them in the same way. I certainly have a lot of people in my family who project onto me. It would be great if they'd try to figure out what was wrong with the person who hurt them so they could see why I'm not going to do the same thing. But, like most people, they don't want to bother with that because they're allergic to examining the real reasons why people do things. They won't project on me if they've got me in "trusted friend" mode, i.e., they are so happy with me and everything between us is going great. But as soon as I do something they don't like, I get the projection. So besides your mother unfairly comparing you to her sister, I think she may also have been upset with you for something. Could it be that she doesn't understand why you drew the money out of the bank? Maybe she thinks you're going to spend it. Maybe she was looking at it as a sort of "nest egg" that she could use to invest in something that would help you both, such as home renovations.
 
May 2022
4
0
Australia
Have you ever found yourself doing everything in your power to avoid all the poison only to find those around you are happy to swim around in it? I feel sane. It's the world that's gone completely insane.

The situation isn't serious enough to consult a therapist. I find emotional healing in writing about it. Sometimes I just like people to read how I feel. It's part of my healing process. I don't need their word of advice on how to fix up my family dynamics. That comes from within. No outside influence is capable enough to recommend solid advice to whatever ails us. Typing out my emotions empties my mind from all pain and suffering. That is my all-time go to brand of therapy. Writing is what keeps me from thinking about it over and over again. Once it's written to the best of my ability, there's no need to further play it out in my head. Once written in stone, it soon loses its strength to harm me. My mind becomes empty again until the next traumatic event. I repeat the writing process until healed again. You should try it. It's very nourishing to the soul. Yep! :)
 
May 2022
2
0
Texas
Yes, I think I'm sane, and a lot of other people are happy to be insane. And the world is becoming more mentally ill lately, due to a number of things going on in the world.
So far, it doesn't sound like your family is actually mentally ill, just having ordinary problems. I feel sure that more than half of my family members have true mental illnesses. I've done some research, and I think I can name them. Personality disorders like narcissism, sociopathy, and paranoia. And some have physiological mental illnesses like asperger's syndrome. And many are alcoholics. So I'm very interested in getting some help dealing with them. But I think the trouble with therapists is they don't have any solutions to fix the people who are the real problem, because those people are unwilling to change their behavior.
 
Aug 2021
370
181
Texas, USA
But I think the trouble with therapists is they don't have any solutions to fix the people who are the real problem, because those people are unwilling to change their behavior.
I would like to hear your solution for changing the behavior of people who do not want to change. If you have one, you can solve most of the drug and alchohol abuse problems, mentally ill who have been prescribed prescription meds but who refuse to take them, career criminals, and many other social problems. These are not because therapists are not effective, it is because you can not force someone to change who does not want to change!
Ticked Off, I am glad you have found an outlet for dealing with your situation. I would still like you to distance yourself from this toxic environment, for your own sanity. We will continue to read your posts and support you, but I think you might find yourself and your own identity if you can get away from these people for at least a little while...
Best of luck to you,
Ivery