Languages of Love

Aug 2008
Online probably :)
This is a short assessment you can use to see what your "love language" is. It can be used to help couples learn how to communicate with each other.

My love language is Words of Affirmation:

Mark Twain once said “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” Verbal appreciation speaks powerfully to persons whose primary Love Language is “Words of Affirmation.” Simple statements, such as, “You look great in that suit,” or “You must be the best baker in the world! I love your oatmeal cookies,” are sometimes all a person needs to hear to feel loved.

Aside from verbal compliments, another way to communicate through “Words of Affirmation” is to offer encouragement. Here are some examples: reinforcing a difficult decision; calling attention to progress made on a current project; acknowledging a person’s unique perspective on an important topic. If a loved one listens for “Words of Affirmation,” offering encouragement will help him or her to overcome insecurities and develop greater confidence.

My Language of Apology is Making Restitution

In our society, many people believe that wrong acts demand justice. The one who commits the crime should pay for their wrongdoing. A mate who speaks this love language feels the same way towards apologies. They believe that in order to be sincere, the person who is apologizing should justify their actions. The mate who’s been hurt simply wants to hear that their mate still loves them.

There are many effective ways to demonstrate sincerity in an apology. Each mate must learn the other’s love language in order to complete the act of restitution. Though some mates may feel a though all is forgotten with a bouquet of flowers, that may not necessarily work for all mates. Every mate should uncover what their partner’s main love language is (Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, and Receiving Gifts) and use that specific language in order to make restitutions in the most effective way.

For a mate whose primary apology language is making restitutions, no matter how often you say “I’m sorry”, or “I was wrong”, your mate will never find the apology sincere. You must show strong efforts for making amends. A genuine apology will be accompanied by the assurance that you still love your mate
and have a desire to right the wrong-doings committed.


May 2008
this is really useful. i have used a similar idea for a while. it can help in counselling for couples.

my language of love is "physical touch". i have always thought of it as kinaesthetic.

"word of affirmation" would be auditory. hearing somebody tell you they love you.

i would also use visual to describe another type of experience where somebods shows they love in a tangible way.

when counselling couples i would ask them how would they know that their partner loves them. what woudl they have to experience to know they where loved. the answer should easily fit into one of the modalities, visual, auditory, kinesthetic. once each couple understand how the other experiences love. they can each make a concerted effort to communicate to each other in their own modality.

the language of apology is completely new to me. i cannot actually choose one of the options. i dont think i have strict rules around apology. i find it easy to forgive and dont really need much in the way of an apology. then i think there are situations where my forgiveness boundaries are crossed and a person would then have to make restitution.

this would all be worth a bit more investigation.
Oct 2008
Phyiscial touch outside of actual love making does wonders for me. and words of affirmation, even Boy that was a good dinner, also does wonders. So I guess I need both.

I also need to make some sort of restitution, even if it is as simple as going directly to the person and apologizing in person. and perhaps a good deed.