I've left my boyfriend of 3 years due to abuse,he's a definate sociopath...

Dec 2012
My boyfriend of 3 years is an abusive sociopath,so I left him.Then he started following me around and harrassing me.I filed for a restraining order,so he filed for one against me.They denied mine and gave him his,saying that he wouldn't be in legal trouble for approaching me!Here's the short version of the story:For the first year he was very charming and sweet,so I didn't mind that he wanted me to be extremely sexually submissive.I allowed him to be VERY rough,tie me up,spank me,choke me,run knives across my body,gag me,blindfold me etc...he kept making me tell him how much I liked it and would pull my hair to lift my head up if I tried to muffel my screams because he was hurting me really bad.He wanted to hear the screams.As the relationship continued he became emotionally abusive,finanicially controlling(he made me panhandle for his drug money when I couldn't come up with any other way to give him money)he isolated me from my family and I wasn't allowed to talk to anyone except for is friends but I didn't like them.He complained if I wore clothes at home alone with him,but insisted I wear baggy,ugly clothes in public since men seem to be attracted to me.He blamed me and accused me of flirting or even cheating on him whenevr men would talk to me and compliment me.
Eventually things came to a head last May.We'd been fighting for months because my endometreosis had been causing me excruciating pain since I'd had an abortion in Dec.2011.He was angry that I'd been unable to have sex due to the pain.I did as much as I could,but he is so rough and demanding,it hurt so bad,I just couldn't take it.He told me that I was suppossed to have sex whenever he wants and that he doesn't care how bad it hurts.So we'd been at odds for months.On May 26th,I took my pain meds and my my anxiety meds(which are both narcotic,but I'm quite used to them)then he insisted I take 3 of my Lithium capsules.Not wanting to endure another argument,I took them.I awoke several hours later and he was slamming me into the bedroom door,he had my arms pinned at my sides(he was holding them with such strenght that they were bruised for 2 weeks,and so was my upper back from the force with which he slammed me into the door)and screaming at me "You stupid fucking cunt!Do you really thing you can hurt me bitch?"
I hadn't a clue what was going on.He claimed that I'd sprung up from the desk where I'd passed out after taking the Lithium capsules he'd insisted I take,slapped him in the face,kicked him in the testicles,then I tried to climb out the window and when he pulled me back in,I broke a wine glass that had been on the desk and stabbed him in the hand.This,he claims,is why he had to assault me at the door.I looked at his face,there was no slap mark.No red mark,no bruise,nothing but a single fingernail scratch.Problem with that story is that my fingernails were cut&filed down so low that the nerves below the nails were actually exposed.His nails were slightly above the fingertip.And it was a scratch,but he claimed he'd been slapped!As for the stabbing,there was no blood or broken glass in the room.His hand was certainly cut,but also,it was on his left hand.He's right handed,and defensive wounds are typically on the dominant hand.Whereas self inflicted cuts are usually on the opposite side.I was so upset that I grabbed a razorblade and slashed my arm 27 times(I'm also a self mutilator)as soon as he left the room.He came back in while I was just sitting on the bed bleeding.He just called me a crazy bitch and left the room again.I grabbed my purse and ran out the front door.I went to my dad's apartment,which is right down the street.He never called the police,he just went to the hospital and had the hand stitched up.He took pictures of his hand&face,which I saw on his Ipod when he asked me to please come see him a few weeks later.At his request,I remained his girlfriend another 4 months after this incident.Then one day I caught him lying to me about another major incident,so I got fed up and left.2 months later he started following me around and harassing me.I told him repeatedly to just leave me alone,but he's never cared about my rights anyway,so he just kept at it.So I filed for a restraining order.Then the day before the hearing on Nov.15th,he filed against me,claiming I assulted him on May 26th.
The case wasn't heard by a real judge,it was a county commissioner.I wasn't informed of this until after the priliminary(where she granted us both restraining orders,but was incredibly harsh with me yet led him to the right answer when he failed to say that he was afraid of me 5 times in a row,until she told him that she couldn't grant the R.O. unless he said he was afraid.)and right before the actual hearing on Nov.29th.I mean I wasn't told this until we were there in court on the 29th!
The hearing was a horrible joke.She wouldn't read a signed witness statement from 2 men who saw my ex inside my apartment buliding after we'd broken up.He'd been just sitting in the lobby,doing nothing.She refused to believe my dad when he testified about my ex being parked outside my building twice for 45 minutes!She said "How do you know he wasn't just there to smoke a cigarette?" Yeah,he got in his truck,drove all the way down his street,across Pioneer Trail,and 2 blocks down my street to smoke a cigarette for 45 minutes!So you can guess where this hearing went?He got his R.O. against me,and I lost mine against him.She didn't even care that I had eveidence that he'd violated the R.O. she'd granted me previously.She said that since it's a small town,it's just a coincidence that he kept showing up wherever I was.And as for the mail he'd sent me,since he hadn't mailed me a threat,it wasn't a violation.Then she tells me that the rules of the R.O. against me are that if I'm out somewhere and he shows up,I have to leave,and I'm not to contact him in any way,for any reason.Then she tells him that it's not illegal for him to contact me!Then tries to cover her ass by saying "But I don't recommend that you do."
He manipulated the system again and has regained control of me after I tried to take it away.I'm so freaking scared.I'm going to appeal the commissioner's decision,I just hope I live to make it to the hearing.
Jan 2012
You are most likely masochistic. You stayed with him because you want to hurt yourself. You need a real psychologist and real therapy. You won't gain anything from writing in a pitiful forum such as this.