Infallible and Intensely Critical

Aug 2020
3
0
USA
There is a person I know that is intensely irritating but, oddly enough, fascinates me to no end. It seems as though he literally does not have the ability to acknowledge his mistakes. It feels like he has created his own alternate reality and that everyone he interacts with on a regular basis is aware of this. They are hesitant to point out his distortion of reality because the conversation will become non productive due to him resorting to anger in a successful attempt to end the conversation.

What most certainly must be related is his proclivity to point out the mistakes of others and try to make it appear as if he is much better at a specific task even when it must be obvious to anyone observing he is trying to recover when his demonstration is of equal or lesser quality.

Despite his humanly proneness to err, he can be extremely overreactive when someone messes up his instructions which are oftentimes ambiguous or incomplete.

My question

Could someone point me to some reading that may identify and explore the underlying issues that may help manifest these behaviors?

I have found one article by Guy Winch but am extremely interested in doing a deeper exploration of this seemingly contradictory behavior.

TLDR

Where can I read about the psychology of people who literally can't admit when they are wrong and have an accelerated inclination to point out others' mistakes.



Thank you
 
Mar 2020
203
17
US
Could you please describe the context you know this person.

For instance:

If he's a coworker. He will be easily discredited for his lack of accountability as soon as someone else becomes apparently more accountable than he is.

If he's an authority like an employment boss. There's no easy way to fight it. You must go over his head which means you actually have to be extremely better than him, and it's very risky.

If he's a parent appeal to their obligation to love you. And respect their insecurity.

If he's a sibling you have to leave him alone.

The only book I've been reading that might apply to this is:

Making yourself indispensable: the power of personal accountability. By Mark Samuel

It's on audiobook on audible.com for $18

I'm not a clinician, but IMO this is not a psychiatric condition.

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Aug 2020
3
0
USA
Could you please describe the context you know this person.

For instance:

If he's a coworker. He will be easily discredited for his lack of accountability as soon as someone else becomes apparently more accountable than he is.

If he's an authority like an employment boss. There's no easy way to fight it. You must go over his head which means you actually have to be extremely better than him, and it's very risky.

If he's a parent appeal to their obligation to love you. And respect their insecurity.

If he's a sibling you have to leave him alone.

The only book I've been reading that might apply to this is:

Making yourself indispensable: the power of personal accountability. By Mark Samuel

It's on audiobook on audible.com for $18

I'm not a clinician, but IMO this is not a psychiatric condition.

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My sister is married to him...

I'm not necessarily trying to "fight it". She is well aware of the aforementioned tendencies. I would like to understand it a little better though. It is such an unbelievable way for a person to carry on. I am interested in what causes it. And how he can seemingly be unaware of his transparency.
 
Mar 2020
203
17
US
Have you considered that he's trying to impress her because deep down he feels he doesn't deserve her? I know all men feel inferiority and mask it with strange behavior and even violence. You should be happy that he's simply obnoxious, and I dont encourage that you dig into him. But I'm sure he would respond well to compliments. Maybe if he feels he's satisfactory he'll be happier and settle.

People display strange behavior through motivation. Think of yourself in a zone. It's slightly obsessive. All you can see is your immediate surroundings and your brain perceives things others dont. You would be so determined that you cannot accept failure or insuffciency.

Think of James Bond on a mission. If he makes one mistake millions die. And he's the only one who can get the job done.

I bet that's what he's going through.

(As far as your message describes.)

I've been through this kind of mentality all my life and I believe it has its uses. Imagine you were in a war and you had to chose a commanding officer. Who would you pick? Wouldn't this guys confidence sort of help in a situation like that? Maybe his momentum would make the difference between success and failure.

Of course it may be entirely inappropriate in any other circumstances. But I he sounds like he's very serious even if he incorporates a lot of pomp into it.

I actually bet it has a lot to do with his marriage and it would be inappropriate if you interfered except to make sure your sister is ok. She married him, and he probably impressed her with this very attitude.

(Total speculations)

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Aug 2020
3
0
USA
I think the feeling of inadequacy probably does fuel his pursuit of demonstrative confidence and a facade of "master of all trades". But, I think it is more than just his marriage to my sister.

For the record: I know it sounds like I'm bashing him but I actually like the guy. I say most of these things because, His persona is very intriguing due to its contradictions. Which, oddly enough, even in my case said persona has served its purpose I guess.

I tend not to interfere in people's relationships. Even with my sister. And she would have to be in some sort of danger before I would intervene.

Your incite has given me a different perspective to view his behavior. Which is what I came here for, essentially. Thank you very much.