I lost my family

May 2021
Saudi Arabia
I lost my entire family because of my wife's insistence on divorce and i work in a country far away from my children.
I feel that I have no need in life
My children are young and growing up, and I can only see them once a year .. The problem is old and I have not been able to overcome it .. Every day I wake up in the morning as if the divorce and separation of the children happened yesterday ..
I became exhausted from my bad psychological condition and am thinking of suicide .. Rather, I think that the day of my death will be the most beautiful day in my life, as I have seen nothing in life except worry, grief and loss of loved ones ..
I spend my whole day in my room after I finish work .. I cannot see anyone .. I hate every person who caused me harm and lost to my wife and children together .. I hate myself a lot because of my mistakes that I committed and led to divorce. I hate my mother and father who did not stand next to me and attempt to make amend … I hate the whole world and want to leave it
There is no goal in life anymore .. I feel that my children are among the dead .. they grow up and I do not see the gradation of their changes .. I am not able to hug them and kiss them .. I tried more than once to leave my work and go to the country where my children live with their mother and every time things get in the way. And I lose the job offer .. I hate my job very much, as my salary is bad and I can only secure food, drink and clothing for them .. Even school fees I pay for children with debt, I don’t know if i live in reality or fiction .. I sometimes wonder to myself why should I spend money on children who do not exist? !!
Let their mother spend on them, who insisted on the divorce and deprived me of them ..
I am lonely and I feel hate for all people .. I have lost confidence in myself and in every person .. In fact, I feel that all people are my enemies and they harbor hatred and hatred for me and are waiting at the slightest opportunity to stab me in the back like my wife and my parents
I no longer feel that I need to survive … literally, I am thinking of suicide
May 2021
Dude, no. You can't!!!!. I have been there exactly where you are! ...and, I made it out of it alive. This might sound odd, but I want to ask if you have ever been mushroom hunting? Or ever had an interest in fungi? It sounds cliche, but please indulge me.