Mar 2020
I feel like there's no way to get myself to get a job. I have a criminal history. I spent the last three days over my birthday on Twitter because it was really exciting and that's just what I wanted to do.

I'm trying to get off social media. But I can't do anything else. I just really want communication. I'm so lonely. I wanted to have been married by now like my brother. But I know that marriage would bring its own complications too.

I feel like it's bad for me to ever try to talk to anyone. Like I'm some sort of criminal, who should just die.

My parents are nice to me but they're old and they're basically going to die. My dad lost his iq during more than a year not working. I bet he'll never work again. I can't possibly ever work. I dont see how I'm going to get myself to do small things. I'm sure there's no hope. My parents and I will all die at the same time. That's the way I want to go. With my parents if not before. The only ones who ever loved me.

I know if I could just focus on some little meaningless project. I might be able to build off of it. I just can't sit still. And walking is a waste of time.

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Jun 2020
Ohh!. That must be really hard. Have you tried professional help? If not more, they at least are very good listeners. Don't lose hope. You will soon get a job. My prayers are with you. Also spend as much time as you can with your parents. Take care of them and serve them in the best of ways :)

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