High IQ - poor emotional hygiene, excessive rationalizing of emotions

Oct 2021
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21
Czech Republic
BTW what do you mean by complex carbs, there are only 3 main types of carbs:
1. starch
2. fiber (which is not digested)
3. sugars

But both starch and sugars get converted to glucose, so starches count towards sugar RDA right? But only 2 pieces of fruits are easily 100% of sugar RDA. Also exercise is good, because then they get used and RDA is little bit higher! So if you exercise window shouldn't be that small. Because otherwise after 2 pieces of fruits you couldn't even eat any vegetables which contains starches like: potatoes!
 
Oct 2021
53
21
Czech Republic
Damn I Am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed

O U T O F M Y M I N D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I need to learn 24/7 but it won't be yet months, if not longer! I don't know how I survive on TV shows/PC games, which are disgusting to me and I have nothing to do whole day... I would have to live healthier to get there, but problem is: this insane boredom, I can't make myself to do anything. I have supreme executive disfunctions and hyperbolic discouting. IT IS TORUTUREEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

90% OF DAY I AM THINKING WHAT WOULD I DO, MY WHOLE BRAIN HURTS FROM BOREDOM... I DON'T KNOW HOW I WILL GET OVER THIS!!! EVEN IF I TRY TO DO SOMETHING I AM NOT FOCUSING ON IT AND AFTER 5 MINUTES I HAVE TO SWITCH FROM PAIN!!! EVERY OPTION I HAVE IS TOTALLY DISGUSTING TO ME!!! EVEN IF I TRY TO DO SOMETHING I HAVE TO STOP AFTER 15 MINIUTES FROM HEADACHE. OR I OVERDO IT, EVEN IF I DON'T ENJOY DOING IT, BECAUSE I AM SO BORED THAT ALL OTHER OPTIONS ARE EVEN MORE DISGUSTING ATM...

I NEED TO LEARN BUT I HAVE NEGATIVE EMOTIONS, I AM PROBABLY DEMENTED ALREADY... AND I SAME I DESPISE OF EVERYTHING, LIFE IS ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING TO ME!!! I CAN ONLY ESCAPE DURING THESE MOMENTS OF PURE BEAUTY AND EXPERIENCING UNKNOWN ETC. YOU KNOW... BUT I FORGET HOW IT FEELS SO QUICKLY AND LOSE MOTIVATION!!!

I CAN'T REALLY READ, SO WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WHOLE DAY, IF I CAN GO MAX ON 1X 0.5 KM WALK AND EVERYTHING IS GETTING WORSE, I DO UNHEALTHY DECISIONS ALL THE TIME.

I WILL CONSULT EXISTENTIAL PSYCHOTHERAPIST, BUT THIS SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE TO OVERCOME, IT IS CATCH22!!! I AM MORE AND MORE BORED, BUT TO MOVE AHEAD, I WOULD HAVE TO DO HEALTHY DECISIONS AND AVOID DOING UNHEALTHY ONES, PROBLEM IS I AM MORE BORED BY A SECOND... EVEN EXISTENTIAL FEELINGS BORE ME AT THIS POINT, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I CAN THINK OF YET...

IMAGINE YOU WOULD HAVE TO SIT MONTHS IN A ROOM NOTHING TO DO BUT WATCH A WALL, THERE IS REASON WHY PRISONERS ON ISOLATION GO MAD....
 
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Oct 2021
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Well I can't even force myself to go to sleep! It takes me 3-4.5 hours... Or I have clogged nose, that I can't breath and it feels like rock... Then I Am tired it takes me hours to wake up. Already from early morning I experience torturous boredom, it feels like I would be looking into a wall whole day. My whole brain hurts to every last neuron... And I can't do anything whole day, at least I tried VR finally and it is great, but I can only play it 2-3 hours and then my whole body hurts as hell, I shouldn't even that long TBH and then I have to take a day, two break... At least I was out relatively a lot, but now I fucked up my sleep again, I Am sooooo bored that I can't even go to sleep, even though of going to sleep is torture! I defer going to sleep 500 times and I AM trying 3-4 hours and it is painful as hell!

I found out existential psychiatrist better have 200 IQ, better have some brilliant solution to boredom, because boredom is preventing me from doing anything... I ammmmmm so fucking bored, it is worse than choking every 5 days for sure - I nearly died from choking...

Hyperbolic discouting, bedtime procrastination, executive disfunctions, insane boredom like watching a wall whole day (no matter what I do)... No one can even understand this, which is so frustrating...

I don't know how I will start any actions, if I Am so fuckiiiiiing bored, that I barely survive to not die from boredom... Literally pain from boredom is so great, I can't force myself to do anything. I Am just trying to not die from boredom next smallest unit of time...
 
Jun 2020
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Greece
but now I fucked up my sleep again
May be why you cant wake up for hours. A consistent sleep schedule is key.

I Am sooooo bored that I can't even go to sleep, even though of going to sleep is torture! I defer going to sleep 500 times and I AM trying 3-4 hours and it is painful as hell!

I found out existential psychiatrist better have 200 IQ, better have some brilliant solution to boredom, because boredom is preventing me from doing anything... I ammmmmm so fucking bored, it is worse than choking every 5 days for sure - I nearly died from choking...

Hyperbolic discouting, bedtime procrastination, executive disfunctions, insane boredom like watching a wall whole day (no matter what I do)... No one can even understand this, which is so frustrating...

I don't know how I will start any actions, if I Am so fuckiiiiiing bored, that I barely survive to not die from boredom... Literally pain from boredom is so great, I can't force myself to do anything. I Am just trying to not die from boredom next smallest unit of time...
Do you struggle with anhedoinia?
 
Oct 2021
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Czech Republic
I was even considering whether, or not to answer. Because I will talk these through with experts, I Am in no shape to be solving these issue right now and I need professional help with some - I can't solve on my own! So I don't know if there is really even any point in writing this, guess I was bored. Every minute I can get without being bored is huge help! Because I Am so bored, I can't do literally anything, because insane hyperbolic discounting!!!!!!! I don't know what I Am even talking about right now..../......

re relevant to EQ than IQ?
IQ because I understand why they are happening (mostly) and can rationalize them well. Even I know there is no reason I should felt x way, but you can't directly control emotions! And even indirectly it is not easy at all! I read someone with procrastination had to read dozens of books to even solve this 1 problem! Keep in mind: that is yet without 30 mental disorders +- emotional issues and what not - existential boredom, chronic boredom, anhedonia, depression, hyperbolic discounting, bedtime procrastination, BPD (emotional dysregulation disorder), executive dysfunctions, chronic pain/fatigue and what not!!! It is very arduous and long-term process! And problem is - I would get there, but I make 1 step forward, and then 2 steps back...

I don't have even money to pay for enough time it would take to talk through this, nevertheless every help helps! And I found BPD psychologist, which should be able to pay from insurance company indefinitely, so that's great!
What coping methods have you implemented that worked, and which ones have failed to work for you?
I have so many problems, I now don't even remember which specific issue you mean now, I have some sort of mental block and brutal headache, that I don't even... I like IQ 90 right now...

Well I have BPD, OCD and what not... I will try visit psychologist on BPD. Hopefully it helps with that! I have a lot of obsessive thoughts and negative emotions. I didn't really try much anything yet, because I don't know how to realize my plans (executive disfuntions)... That is the issue: I don't know how to deal with them, I have many idiosyncratic issues and what I read doesn't apply to me. Or I don't know how to mold it to suit my issues! Or they are connected to issues in future, which are annoying me now and I don't know how to be in present, I have OCD every 5 seconds. And even meditating is very uncomfortable, because my deviated nasal septum (only operation could fix this was told by doctors, nose drops don't absolutely anything and I won't get to operation for months yet)...

I also want to go to Daseinanalysis and hopefully psychologist on BPD will help! I don't know how could you help me with these remotely, I Am not even comfortable talking about half of this stuff online, even I told already more then I should, but it is already too late! I have BPD, I have also OCD about spying and that someone is watching me all the time... Because I know how important it will be in future and no credit system in EU is not 100% sure (if I Am not mistaken)! Also it is not really good to give any information at all about you... It could be abused by hackers and what not... I will talk through this with an expert, half are just OCD, but some are of real concern!

May be why you cant wake up for hours. A consistent sleep schedule is key.
Now weeks consistent sleep schedule 22-23. But still I can't fall asleep even 5 hours, because I have deviated nasal septum and I can't breathe with nose (even at all sometimes)!!! I have every type of insomnia you can have (emotional, stress induced and what not)... I go on walks a lot now (even double distance I walk yesterday) and exercise moderately. But still I Am not sleepy at night! I can't even get fresh air many times, there is smoke oftentimes not sure where it comes from. And doubt reporting to office will do something... Also sometimes radiator makes annoying noises which got better luckily, but still (I Am already demented from annoying things like this)...

My most pressing issue is boredom, no one really said anything about it to me yet! Probably because it is unimaginable for most of people! Unfortunately I don't think you will be to help with this one, which is my most pressing problem!!! I Am telling you: I Am prisoner in space-time and I can't do absolutely anything whole day! I need to try pomodoro and do something like 5 minutes every 1 hour, to slowly start doing something. Because already after 5 minutes I get headaches and I can't really read (even if I try)... Still I Am so depressed: I don't know how I will survive all this time, before I can do anything (it can be months in best-case)!!! I Am sooooooooo boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeed out of my mind, if I could I would jump out of my skin literally... It is so painful, I would be rather choking every 3 days, then being bored whole day!!! It is torture!!!

Only thing which works for me for excruciating boredom is to learn 24/7 for me and it won't be any time soon yet... But it doesn't excite me as much anymore, since I Am demented... But only then I can escape (boredom, suffering, ego) when learning and while being fully immersed into my work and experiencing pure beauty/unknown then I become nothing in state of euphoria! This is only thing which ever worked even remotely to boredom. Problem is: it is difficult and I don't read all the time that interesting stuff, it is also a lot of boring work!

That's why I got addicted Philosophy I think, I can search for what I want and read about everything that exists, I always something new and interesting - I have 0 tolerance for boredom! Because I Am desperate, I never in my life was able to do anything that doesn't interest me and entertain me, even for 5 minutes + Even when I was kid (before existential boredom) I was drawing on my mother's arm, after being force only 5 minutes doing homeworks and I pretty much never did them and didn't learn anything in school, but played games with my friends and was daydreaming... School was literally torture for me!!!
 
Oct 2021
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Warning: read for your own risk, extremely depressing, even if you think you may have severe depression including existential boredom, anhedonia and what not - this is another level of suffering - most depressing thing anyone can read!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Haha plot twist: they have really long wait times like 2-3 months and I though I had one psychologist for BPD for indefinite amount of visits thanks to insurance company, but that showed to not be the case as well, as they are busy or something... Same they wouldn't understand and I already know all main points of these and can find these problems on my own! Only problem what I have is boredom really, against that all my problems are trivial...

I found interesting thing to which I didn't get before because ADHD, about threating social anxiety, anxiety, insomnia and what not. It is called logotherapy (name of field of psychology engaging in existentialism) technique is called paradoxical intention i.e. e.g. when you have performance anxiety - you try to intent to have it, instead hiding from it -

Geez when I watch millions of problems like this, I have them all! Only more nuanced and complex, I have like millions of problems... Because I Am so existential (both intensely HSP/OES)... Highly Sensitive or Highly Excitable? — Aurora Remember

It is problematic tho, as it is not something you may be comfortable, or wanting doing!!! I have for example anxiety when calling (a lot from anticipation) it has a lot to do with neurotransmitters, but also a habit, if you change the way you act and think about it - it would go better easily I believe. But it is not easy, or I don't see how possible in many situations... I usually have problem molding these advices to my problems and as they are rarely as simple, as their most common occurrences...

It probably gets better when I force myself to go somewhere, that works for me best... I just can't even sleep right now from various reasons and have insane pain so I didn't even get to a point, beyond basic survival...

I have also still problems to talk about it even online, even I talk shit all the time and than I regret I was saying something... I Am very like shy, or it is that I Am not used to ppl, I didn't have much problems of-sorts: when I was kid! Also my ego is the problem: because as Schopenahauer says: when you become nothing there is boredom (which is insufferable) so you become tortured either by your ego and absolute boredom! That's why geniuses intuitively escape boredom in art, or their work! The Ethics of Schopenhauer

Common people do this by being ascetic (imagining they are too good for this world) or by accepting god, god is actually only thing which can kill exisntetial boreodom. But I Am too naive for this and when I saw history of religion and what it did to people - I classify it as crime against humanity... Spirituality is fine, if it is individual and you don't claim anything. If you claim something without evidence you are just delusional - that is a fact. People become religions from boredom (because this feeling is the worst feeling one can have, they perhaps realize this even subconsciously) - philosphers argue everything we do is to escape boredom! And because TMT and if people suffer in their life, they like to belive someone watches over them,...

Perhaps you may think schopenhauer was sexist towards women, but his perceptions fit towards 19th era and he got many aphorisms right!!! Also you have to realize this cannot be just extrapolated to modern society. World is changing too fast and evolution can't keep up!!! There are more nuances to dating today like intelligence, but many things stays same, as evolution can't keep up with societal and technological trends...

I have also insane OCD, while I don't ever thought any of these things. It would take like week to explain, but it is torturing me from 6 years ago, when I was suicidal and started doing really strange things to battle boredom...

I already know solutions for 99% of my problems, but I can't even get the point where I can something with that...

Also radiator started making noises, luckily it seems it is a mechanical failure and can be fixed! But it costing me more sleepless nights, I already have brain damage from worst sleep schedule ever and insomnia! I slept like 3 hours and yet whole days stinging pain and what is worse boredom to it!!! And if I wake during night I can't sleep anymore because deviated nasal septum (it feels like rock on my chest and stiff nose, with scaffolding inside, after focusing on breathing for 10 minutes only!!!) and I never could sleep when thinking about things (I do that because focusing on breath is insufferable and I can't breath with my mouth)...

I have also OCD and painful nightmares, stress induced insomnia. I have insomnia from almost, if not every cause you can have... It is almost ridiculous how much shit I have gone through and how much mental disorders I have... But it may be good think to learn to laugh at it according to Frankl... Afterall life is a parody...

And that is not even anything, most of my pain is psychological, it is worse than choking to death, that is painful for me as sex... Just as I starting to realizing it, even there are no solutions to my ULTIMATE problems about universe even probably by most super intelligent AI can't do anything about, but brain is very powerful thing (and it is not like I have any choice - learned helplessness): I think with some things I Am starting better to cope (may be too soon to tell). Because I never really had ego (in sense of arrogance) but I saw myself certain way, as I Am superrational thinker and care deeply about truth - I need to evaluate things to what their are, but because this is not possible many times like with phenomenological things as ego, I couldn't really tell, as I Am suffering from pain and headaches, it kinda feels true, even if I knew it is not... I Am perhaps too moral, way too much and way too self-judging and critical, if you go read like about ADHD, I had probably everything ever happened... Even if I didn't have it: I simulate in my brain every scenario and kinda confuse other peoples' lives and experiences with my own, because I have deep capacity to emphatize... IT is more complicated than that, this is just 1 small thing, but I don't know how to explain, or I Am no comfortable...

As thing is I have also OEs and I Am HSP. While ADHD and OEs can overlap which seems true in my case: I have also like every characteristic of OEs, it is so fitting, so true. I Am have deep sense of fairness and things like that and I saw too much shit that is happening. I saw literally everything!!! It is way too much for any human to see, no human being should see what I saw.

Also it is really strange: I have need for justice, empathy and I Am inherently altruistic, but logically I see world for what it is and these things are illusion, everyone is ultimately selfish. I don't know why my brain can't accept that and not care, but geniuses (not that I would think I Am one) are programmed for survival of a race. And even it is not true and illusion: it pains me deeply, because it is still optimal way to play the game (so I think my brain is programmed to feel these things deeply, even I know for a facts these are just illusions) and it is just survival, everything is neutral... Which is paradoxical as hell and creates immense suffering for me. As schopenhauer correctly prediceted, once ppl see world for what it is and that everyone is in the same prison suffering, that one starts to identify with everyone and has to take pain of the world on his shoulders...

I see the big picture, as I have high existential intelligence - https://thesecondprinciple.com/optimal-learning/ninth-intelligence-existential-cosmic-smarts/
The Importance of Existential Intelligence
 
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I saw so many important things from all fields and specifically like: injustice, holocausts, suffering, pain, torture, sadism............ - I saw it all, everything that exists even that doesn't exists in this sense!!! I just can't ignore it, and do nothing, even I wish every day too die (but no suicidal) but smart people know they can't change anything likely (which is sort-of paradoxical) also because I don't really care in my logical mind... It is not my responsibility to fix problems of the world and if I were on a raft with another person, why should I suffer death from drowning, or even worse from thirst, or hunger for him??? It is impossible scenario... It is paradoxical, because I care deeply on emotional level and I can't really override my behavior using logic, everyone decides at the end based on emotions... Decisions are largely emotional, not logical

But on neocortex level (logical part of brain) I don't really care, because it doesn't matter. Even if civilization go extinct today, it doesn't really matter. Ethics are relative and subjective. They are just extensions of emotions for survival of a civilization... There is no right, or wrong - groups of people just argue each other and enforce these rules based on their status/power in society of what they think is good for survival of a race... Even if I saved 100 children from dying in fire, I wouldn't feel anything, as it doesn't deserve any praise! https://www.researchgate.net/publication/301683980_Existential_Boredom_Re-examined_Boredom_as_Authenticity_and_Life-Affirmation While this is about life affirmation, there key points which relate to this...

You don't have idea how it feels, if I see people what makes them happy (small pieces of joy) and how insincere/meaningless/hollow it is in the reality! Synecdoche: what a psychological drama can teach us about life and death

Like if you look your lover into her eyes and see that spark, you know ultimately it means nothing, it is just illusion, it is not real... We are all slaves, free will is illusion... Life is meaningless and even subjective meaning doesn't really work for me, you are just telling yourself whatever you need to hear. When I consider these ideas the more hollow I feel. I agree 100% with schopenhauer life is ultimately pointless and full of suffering, it is the hell!!! If I wanted to make worst hell ever I would make this... Only thing which works for me when I Am immersed into my work (philosophy, it can be art, or anything really) and I become nothing (free of ego, suffering, and boredom)...

Yet all this is nothing - infinitesimal!!! Compared to ultimate worst thing EVER you really don't want to know!!!

It is indescribable what I Am, what I feel, I feel like emergent property of atoms obeying physical laws and flow of information. I had so strange feelings, now I recalled how I felt when I had existential crisis, I can't even explain this ever, I feel just so strange, it is completely beyond any rational understanding!!! I feel like everything and nothing. If you had like depersonalization, or derealization, or do drugs, that's is yet common to what I feel... It is probably I read too many existential stuff and observed way too much...

When I take qualia of other people, I can't know how they feel, so I have only analogies and I used to feel more normal before my existential crisis, even I had already brief feelings of episodes of depersonalization as I kid... These are normal from time to time and even normal people have them, but these are really strange!

Maybe this is illusion, but I was extremely fascinated by things as a kid and I just wonder what may be next, but as we are older we lose innocence, naivity then we lose our lives... It could have been just childhood expectations. I don't know why, but when I was watching Stargate as kid: I felt profound feeling of awe, like it was best thing ever. Or one time was sick and I and I watched some document, or tv show about trucks and it was like best day in my life. Still i Am not even getting close with any words that come to my mind describing this and never even heard in the slighthess about any concept, which I felt remotely describing this.

These are extreme existential feelings https://www.researchgate.net/publication/236707830_Existential_Feeling_and_Psychopathology, modes of being and changed relationship of self with relation to the world. I just soooooo sensitive to this: even lights, or everything like makes me feel so weird - it is unfathomable... It is like observing 4th dimension briefly, or seeing different colors. I also had a lot of weird feelings (not emotions)!!!
As I watched tons of tv shows (deepest movies and what not)... and read soooo much about philosophy and psychology, I saw millions of different scenarios of all people acting, maybe one time you could step with your right leg on the floor about 1 atom from a place you stranded somewhere in the past...

I Am good at asking existential questions and certainly very sensitive and observant...

There are so many scenarios:
- perhaps we are in a simulation
- perhaps consciousness is simulating reality and we are all its agents (we may be like pixels on the monitor) sometimes I feel like my life is a blur, or static imagine. Also I Am extreme self-cognizant and self-referential.
- perhaps I Am a god (alan watts very interesting, he is very wise, but still you can't prove this)...
- perhaps i Am boltzman brain
- when thinking about existing - it is so weird feeling (and even if everything existed forever, it is weird as well)
- materlism, nihilism
- dualism
- taoisms

and many more... everything that exists...

It is really weird, there I things I feel so profoundly and ask myself how that could be if they were not true, but logic and empiricism dictates these are just evolution, physics, very consistent , rational... It allows to explain our macroscopic world very well... It is so weird to see world from so many of these perspectives I can't even tho!!!!!!!

But still I don't thing meaninglessness will be overcomed anything soon and to believe in FW you would have to deny our complete experiences... And even if materilism weren't true, I still don't believe in FW, but without FW nothing has any meaning - you are just slave. I would love nihilism + FW that would be life worth living ,live only once and if love was real...
It is more like wishful thinking, when I read something absolutely genial! I can escape for short amount of time, forget about rationality, logic, science and near 99.99999% these are true in some sense, because we can't know anything ,but again smartest people which EVER lived didn't belive in FW so So I say from our current understanding But not mistake this with hope I have 0 currently As to believe in FW you would have to deny all our experiences...

E.g. budhism seems perverse like reicarnation, you are slave in this hell and stuck in some rat race... I can't possibly imagine, there would be any justification for this whatsoever...

It is really strange considering all these permutations together... And then at level 1 of primary integration: Positive disintegration - Wikipedia

Sometimes I from nostalgia look back when everything did make sense yet so weird, that ...

And you have to understand I started from more innocent ideas like nihilism (which was so special to me) idea of living only once and then there is nothing peace was so profound to me! Because even life would a be tragedy for less fortunate, it was also soooo beautiful - I can't explain it... Vastness of universe, I enjoyed post-apocalyptic Tv shows a lot, before my existential crisis, there is something so profound about idea of materialism and than once you are gone you are gone forever and universe is perhaps infinite. As it could only then allow for true love!

But then you don't understand,.... this is like impossible to explain I would have to search like another 10 years, because browsers have idiotic bookmark managers I lost so much stuff I once knew. I have feeling like that anything I say doesn't make any sense what so ever, because even if I said 1 word to you: from 1 word I would have to essentially explain everything that exists...

I feel so extremely empty and disconnect from everything in the world, again I feel like colorless atoms... Just an automaton... Everything just happens to me, I Am barely self-consciouss of what I Am doing, it is not like I Am making any decisions...

And when I talk about it (previous paragraph) it feels like it is not real all of the sudden. Not sure why! It is really weird, because I saw so many ideas and things that happen to all people from ancient ages, I saw everything (macroscopic) from all perspectives and that way people feel in some specific situations... Compared to others, this dichotomy...

OMG like this one, this may be more understandble to ppl because it is really innocent - about nihilism. There was once some khan, or some sort-of ruler which hoarded wealth and even he essentially was gone and after centuries his empire and even that is gone and world after that and so on. Thousands of people suffered to discover new lands, defend their homes against enemy, or at quirks of dictators... Greatest achievements of humankind and if you look at universe we infinitesimal and cant' change anything, we will turn to dust, before universe blinks!!! It is just sooo profound something about this! If we lived only once I would be okay with that, that would be beautiful and life would have meaning I feel...
 
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I have tho still problem with love (I don't understand how anyone can enjoy it)... Now I Am thinking I was really supressing thousands of stuff insinde (I never meant anyone who would even remotely understand)... There are no OEs forums, or for existential boredom 99.9% of it is really shallow... Back to love: I don't understand if free will is illusion (I AM most certain it is, otherwise we would have to accept a position that everything we experience is illusion, but if we can't even experience it, how can we have it??) ""I do not believe in free will. Schopenhauer's words: 'Man can do what he wants, but he cannot will what he wants - Einstein
Explaination: BBC Radio 4 - In Our Time, Free Will

Biggest geniuses who ever lived didn't believe in FW like: Einstein, Tesla, Goethe, Schopenhauer and who not...

Note: I AM just randomly talking what pops to my minds, I give different modalities to these arguments, I AM just trying to stress key points. But I didn't see anyone to come with counter arguments to this yet (as there is nothing you can even think of, that is the scary thing)... From what other reasons would people help, other people than their selfishness, no one came with a reason, or empirical evidence about this... It is the other way around, we have increasing more complex and whole understanding that these things are just evolutionary mechanisms for survival! Game theory successfully explained behavior of organisms... BUt hey I Am always open to all possibilities, if someone had other idea is unlikely, as you can't even imagine another reason to help other people selflessly: it just doesn't make sense, you are losing value and getting nothing, unless they help you back, but then: it is not selfless...

Also you have to understand certain games are coop, or win-win situation, which doesn't make them altruistic, just both players having best value by cooperating... But ultimately life is a zero sum game, who cares that you donate 10% of your money to charity, if you like a middle class with a normal life, there are still people worse off than you... Would you share your home with homeless person, without expecting anything and having no objections to his behavior and essentially giving him ownership to half of your home without any stipulations and be ok with it? Because that would be closest to selfless imaginable, but still you are doing that because it feels good, otherwise you wouldn't do it.

Even if you give gifts to other people you are doing that, to feel pleasure, as you can't feel their feelings, you can only empathize with them, but you are feeling your own feelings... Altruism is absolutely illusion, because you would have to otherwise accept as true that - "everything we observe is an illusion and nothing you saw so far was real"... Also which makes me wonder (some philosopher told me): if you indent good: you are good. But what is goodness firstly: everything is relative and subjective! And secondly: how can you know best course of action, what if I intent good and donate to charity, but lets say I Am dumb and they stole my money, or even misplaced empathy can be a malice! Consider these progressive projects planting treees everywhere, but it was shown, that trees don't belong everywhere and cause more harm than good to that ecosystem.

Even if you intent good, you can't calculate all permutations in existence to know what would be best for everyone. Because you would have to consider every perspective how everyone feels! And how your action affects everyone. Who knows, one small quantum fluctuations, or some small decision at certain time and place could cause s-risk levels(don't read about unless you want to redefine depression!!!!!!) of suffering in the future... Who is to say that if I Am cutting a ham I Am not killing billions of people in atom universes??? Everything is random, or even if it was pre-determined - you can't predict future, even if permit position that true altruism existed, you can't even possibly know what you are doing with your decisions... Intending good and trying to help farmers settle a dispute can start a massacre I saw that many times...

How can you love anyone, if you know they are forced to love you back? That that spark in their eyes in nothing, but elaborate working of a brain??? Also love is selfish, people do thinks, because they make them happy! Altruism is an illusion, because there is no logical sense to help other people, if you don't get anything from it (not only in evolutionary terms, but also in philosophical) besides evolution is a fact left with little unexplained phenomena! If you understand psychology and game theory, this was tested by empirical experiments. E.g. people favor to save members of their group on trolley problem...

Even if you help someone, there is higher chance that that person will help you back, because of gratitude (which is moral emotions) and people decide ultimately based on emotions, because otherwise there would be no reason to act i.e. except instincts and pain. There is no logical reason to do anything, if you didn't feel desires, you would just stand on a place and die...... Amazon.com

More about love: how can you enjoy it like this? Also love is material. Women care more about confidence, strength, accomplisment, status, money and date men with more income, even if they are doing well now, it is just ingrained into culture America changes as men learn about the Dark Triad - Fabius Maximus website
This is proven from absolutely every area of life, from experience, common fold psychology, pseudoscience to empirical science and other science fields... This is absolutely true!

While men tend to prefer looks before anything in women...

Now yes not every women wants to date dominant alpha male, which will cheat on hear and will be rough on her and doesn't show emotions and what not... Even it is a majority, women usually settle later after their 30s for beta husband - sorry for putting in plainly, but it is true, there is no sense of denying it... Before you start hating, use you brain to think and let me explain...

While both women and men can be dominant, or submissive (there is absolutely nothing wrong with that) most women are naturally submissive and most men dominant. Probably a lot of ppl would disagree.

Aside: one thing there are discrepancies between pays between men and women, because women aren't as assertive. Also they were discriminated severely against, I know about every era, about every small thing... Movies from 1960 are absolutely disgusting!!! Not that I would be feminist (in my opinion it is shortsighted and stupid, but 99.9% of people are) feminism was colonized by neoliberalism, rich CEO started to indentify with it, because ESGs and what not and because it benefits them... How neoliberalism colonised feminism – and what you can do about it

E.g. there was a statement that there is like 5 times more men with 150 IQ than women and women didn't do anything. While it is true, men are better at reason and logic (depends) and think about future, as women thing mostly about present caring about their status and kids and what not...

Every time there is some claim like this: idiots say it is sexists like or so... But don't consider causation! People see like 1 thing they don't like and ascribe every and each of their problems to it! But women couldn't even attend university and were mostly at homes, so of course there is gonna be less women scientists and weren't drawn to these fields... Sometimes TRP, or mens' right activist use this as argument that women didn't achieve anything and so they have no idea what they are talking about and are just entitles... Btw communities get some things right, but then it turns downhill and foster a lot of sexsistic trash...

Rich people created gender wars to split people, as divide and rule, split society benefits them and allows them to control masses like religion...

Now when I say feminism is really bad idea: it was good a start like suffrages and women's rights. Another turn: it is honestly disgusting that In 18 countries kill you if you don't believe in religion and women have no rights. Normal rational being will despise that! I think even most normal women hate feminism, or more accurately what it become today... Because it hurts both men and women in trillion ways to which I won't go, as it is very complicated and deep issue... But ppl have no common sense and care about shallow things so they can feel good about themselves and have feeling like they did their responsibility:
Don't know if this is right video, there are like 16 on bigthink.com (best site for revolutionary scienitfic/philsophical news, I found IAI to have much lower standards and allowing logically flawed articles to go through)...

So like... why feminism, if there is already humanism... Thing is rich wants to destroy language and confuse common ppl and constantly reduce their intelligence, just look at marketing of food industry. 70 of their money goes to marketing ,as it is prove to affect people behaviors! People don't want to see their flaws and mistakes and reality for what it is and are insecure, lost, hopeless, suffering, in bad situation (it is not that average ppl would be that stupid, I agree with Elon Musk you can do more than you think) but rich people abuse every psychological think and control public opinion and masses... There is trillion ways...
 
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