High IQ - poor emotional hygiene, excessive rationalizing of emotions

Nov 2021
19
0
Location Land
That didn't leave best impression within me at first
I can say things that no one should ever hear or think of, trust me XD I'm probably just slightly above average in IQ (never was tested officially) but I am higher in creativity so I can come up with a lot of weird things to say.
I have poor episodic memory and executive disfunctions and I can't control myself. And planing what to eat is difficult, because I won't have mood for that food anyways and choose something different each time
I would recommend writing down a plan for each day that covers all the important details you may forget and following the plan. First write down or type the main things you know you need to do consistently to improve and base the plan for each day on those things. Give yourself free time and set up cues (like setting an alarm or leaving notes in plain view) for when you might forget something while doing something else. When it comes to food have a plan for what you need but allow some flexibility for when your body is actually signaling it needs something specific but not for when you are just craving junk food or something.


A very basic nutritional guide:

1: fruits/vegetables should be eaten multiple times throughout the day so that antioxidants and phytonutrients are more or less always present, this will help immensely with inflammation.
2: If you are feeling particularly tired you may need more carbs but you may also need to time the majority of your mental work and carb intake so that they are metabolized more smoothly to the brain and your body doesn't go into carb storage mode. There is a link between carb metabolism and intelligence, the brain uses more caloric energy than any other organ and people with active brains burn through carbs quickly even if they are physically sedentary. This leads to a controversial theory that obesity is linked to being stupid but to be specific its about how fast and active the brain is for the most part. There are smart fat people but if you think about it they are noticeably more of a slow and ponderous type of smart a lot of the time.
3: Animal products may be contributing to cruelty and ecological issues but they are both the most nutrient dense and calorically dense type of food and you need a good bit of fat and protein to be at optimal health. Heart disease and other things which have been linked to animal products are the result of overindulging or poor genetics rather than inherently the result of eating animal products. Beef liver is more or less the single most nutrient dense food btw.

I only listen to Eminem sometimes
Eminem is one of my favorites, and Gawne (the white guy in that song) sounds way too much like him sometimes lol. If you want to hear more raps lmk. I know all the best rappers including pretty obscure ones and I can pick out stuff you may like.


I hate guessing that's why I never liked Poker!
Yeah, they say that most of your profit in poker comes from the toughest almost 50/50 decisions.
 
Oct 2021
45
21
Czech Republic
I can say things that no one should ever hear or think of
Do you know the worst possible thing EVER imaginable :D ? If so you know the same thing!!! I know already worst thing ever, nothing can really hurt me more anymore... You can message me an answer, but it is whatever...

I would recommend writing down a plan for each day that covers all the important details you may forget and following the plan. First write down or type the main things you know you need to do consistently to improve and base the plan for each day on those things.
Right now I Am miles even from that. I Am completely paralyzed from boredom. I Am suffering immensely!!!!!!!!!!! Literally nothing entertains me more than a watching a wall. My head is like a stone (I have cervicocranial syndrome) and yet it is hurting from boredom insanely like my brain would be rotting and I have also RSI, nerves in my whole body hurt! I can't do anything whole day right now!!! Since I can't even read and everything is reading...
So I have only 2 options right now:
1. play PC games (I shouldn't do that because RSI and I Am making it worse long term, I have serious RSI!!!)
2. watching tv shows - I would rather be tortured!!!

Both don't entertain me more than watching a wall... I Am completely paralyzed from boredom now and I Am sooooooooooo bored, that I can't make myself to do anything and yet I didn't sleep well last 2 days...

I AM just thinking now how to survive in next frame per second (in plank time)!!! I don't know how I will even survive and endure next smallest unit of time!!! I Am bored out of my mind, it is torture at this point!!!!!!!!!!!!

A very basic nutritional guide:
Ye you see - I know perfectly I should be doing all of that, didn't think about complex-carbs tho, thanks for telling me!

((((((THE PROBLEM ARE "EXECUTIVE DISFUNCTIONS" AND "HYPERBOLIC DISCOUTING" I DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE MYSELF TO DO THINGS, I FEEL COMPLETELY LIKE SLAVE IN MY OWN BODY))))))))) AS I REPEATED MANY TIMES I KNOW EVERYTHING I SHOULD BE DOING, BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN!!! I THOUGHT YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND WITH ADHD.

YEAH I AGREE WITH YOU I NEED TO DO THESE THINGS I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND I DON'T KNOW HOW I WILL EVEN GET THERE, RIGHT NOW I GO SLEEP AT 2 PM, I WILL NEED TO GO SLEEP EVERY DAY HOUR LATER, BECAUSE I CAN'T MAKE IT WHOLE NIGHT OF PURE BOREDOM!!!!

EVERY SECOND FOR ME IS LIKE SOMEONE WAS PULLING MY FINGERNAILS, IT IS INSUFFERABLE, I CAN'T MAKE MYSELF TO DO ANYTHING BECAUSE IA M SOOOO BORED AND IN PAIN, MY WHOLE BODY ALSO HURTS AND I HAVE CHRONIC FATIGUE SYNDROME AND 0 MOTIVATION FOR ANYTHIGN!!!

SO WHEN I WILL GO TO SLEEP AT NORMAL TIME LIKE 22PM, THAN I THINK NEED TO PLAN WHEN TO EAT, WHICH IS DIFFICULT I HAVE SOME SORT OF MENTAL BLOCK WHEN THINKING ABOUT THIS, LIKE SOMEONE WOULD HOLDING MY BRAIN WITH A HAND!!!

BREAKFAST ARE MOST IMPORTANT: YOU SHOULD CONSUME AT LEAST 33% CALORIES THAN AND HAVE 2 PIECES OF FRUITS AND AFTERNOUN 3 PICES OF VEGETABLES. I NEED TO PLAN WHAT TO EAT THEN

SAME THESE THINGS BORE ME TO DEATH, BECAUSE HYPERBOLIC DISCOUTING I TEND TO INSTANTLY DISCARD THINGS I SHOULD DO AND TURN TO SHORT TERM PLEASURE AND YET BECAUSE EXECUTIVE DISFUNCTIONS I HAVE 0 CONTROL, I AM LIKE AUTOMATON, DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE THINGS HAPPEN...

NOT SURE IF YOU CAN EVEN IMAGINE THAT, BECAUSE THAT IS SO FAR FROM COMMON HUMAN EXPERIENCE I THINK, PPL DON'T GET IT...

SO I REAPEAT NUMBER 1 PROBLEMS I HAVE NOW ARE:
1. EXTREME SUPER BOREDOM ( i can;t do anything about that yet monbths to years, that's why it seems so hopeless, because this is main problems of them all!!!)
2. HYPERBOLIC DISCOUTING
3. BEDTIME PROCRASTINATION FROM SUPER BOREDOM
4. EXECUTIVE DISFUNCTIONS
5. EARWORMS (I LISTEN TO SANE MUSIC BEFORE SLEEP, WHICH IS NOT GOOD, BECAUSE BRAIN TENDS TO REPLAY THESE MELODIES AND IT DAMPENS SLEEPING QUALITY I READ ON SCIENCEDAILY)

i AM DOING EVERYTHIGN WRONG PRETTY MUCH BECAUSE INSANE PAIN FROM BOREDOM , I CAN'T HELP IT.

ONCE I FIX MY SLEEP SCHEDULE I NEED TO GO OUT AT LEAST LIKE 0.5KM EVEN IF THAT WAS DAILY, BUT STILL I DON'T KNOW HOW I WILL EVEN SURVIVE TIME, EVERY PLANK UNIT OF TIME IS TORTURE FROM BOREDOM FOR ME, I DON'T KNOW HOW I AM GOING TO EVEN ENDURE, I CAN'T DO ANYTHIGN RIGHT NOW.

ONLY THING WHICH MAKES THIS PAIN GO AWAY IS LEARNING 24/7 HIGH LEVEL STUFF AND I WON'T BE ABLE TO DO THIS YET MONTHS TO YEARS, I DON'T KNOW HOW I WILL SURIVE THIS PERIOR AND FACT THERE IS NO ESCAPE FROM THIS PERIOD IN FUTURE IS DEBILITATING THOUGHT!!!

WHEN I STARTED READING LIKE WEEK AGO ABOUT HEALTHY LIFESTYLE IW AS LITTLE LESS BORED, BUT I STILL DON'T KNOW HOW TO REALIZE 99% OF THESE THINGS AND STILL I COULDN'T DO THAT LONG. I CAN ONLY START SLOWLY AND I WILL BE DEMENTED PROBABLY BECAUSE I DO POOR DECISIONS AND I AM NOT DOING HEALTHY ONES FAST ENOUGH AND I AM ALREADY UNHEALTHY AF!!!

SO YOU SEE: IT IS MORE COMPLICATED THEN YOU THOUGHT, I SERIOUSLY DON'T KNOW HOW TO GET OUT OF THIS CATCH 22!!!

If you want to hear more raps lmk. I know all the best rappers including pretty obscure ones and I can pick out stuff you may like.
SURE! I Am so bored of everything, even when I can place my foot on position: maybe i didn't stand on this exact atom before and my foot was angle about 0.0001 degrees to the left.....

Yeah I also visit immediately psycholgist after I fix my sleep schedule...
 
Last edited:
Nov 2021
19
0
Location Land
Do you know the worst possible thing EVER imaginable :D ?
Maybe but idk if I would think of it as such. I am also able to handle pretty much anything though, so you can tell me because I want to know what you're referring to lol.

I THOUGHT YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND WITH ADHD.
I do understand to an extent, but my ADHD is not as severe. I have trouble sticking to plans but not to this extent.

SO WHEN I WILL GO TO SLEEP AT NORMAL TIME LIKE 22PM, THAN I THINK NEED TO PLAN WHEN TO EAT, WHICH IS DIFFICULT I HAVE SOME SORT OF MENTAL BLOCK WHEN THINKING ABOUT THIS, LIKE SOMEONE WOULD HOLDING MY BRAIN WITH A HAND!!!
Certain areas of your brain which are associated with imagination and mental imaging (as you said you were low in these before) are impaired (probably as a direct result of the cervicocranial syndrome) and these are also associated with dreaming. Do you dream that much? I think many aspects of your brain don't "get the point" of sleeping even on a subconscious level because nothing is being input nor is anything being made up by the brain during sleep. This is also part of why you need constant stimulation as your brain is very good at processing information but not good at creating new information out of old information so your brain would stagnate without new input. Also it may cause you to have trouble forming plans on top of sticking to them as that is partially a creative process.

1: Try listening to (not watching because blue light etc) information heavy videos or podcasts or audiobooks as you try to sleep (and in the day to help your RSI in general) as it will occupy your restless mind with something that allows you to sit still and close your eyes at least but isn't an "earworm". Set up playlists in advance and make it a point to lay down and listen until you drift off. Rap can be very unrepetitive and something that spams you with new things to process but it also has its share of ear worms.

2: Try eating bananas 2-4 hours before you are "supposed" to go to sleep as they help produce "sleepy chemicals".

3: Blueberries particularly help the brain/nerves repair themselves during sleep.

4: You can look into mushrooms such as lion's mane which are said to help with nerve damage and other nerve related issues.

These things only help in incremental ways but over time the incremental things add up to bigger benefits or disadvantages. Many of your issues ultimately require some approach I'm not aware of and maybe over time I can help figure out what that is in incremental ways but I'm not qualified either officially or on a purely intellectual level to tell you exactly what to do.

NOT SURE IF YOU CAN EVEN IMAGINE THAT, BECAUSE THAT IS SO FAR FROM COMMON HUMAN EXPERIENCE I THINK, PPL DON'T GET IT
I can somewhat imagine it but not entirely. Over time I may come up with theories about how your brain works and maybe even something that will help but all of this is very severe.

i AM DOING EVERYTHIGN WRONG PRETTY MUCH BECAUSE INSANE PAIN FROM BOREDOM , I CAN'T HELP IT.
The pain itself may actually be physical and you pathologize it as being caused by the boredom itself because being immersed in something distracts you from pain, unless you're talking about psychological pain or stress-related pain from the boredom.


Tell me which ones you like the most and why as it will help me understand your taste. I am going to send you a lot which are all very different.

Alchemy - Anxiety (Official Video)
Twisted Insane - Pitbull (OFFICIAL VIDEO)
Dax - 40 Days 40 Nights (Feat. Nasty C) [Official Music Video]
Locksmith - Freestyle on Shade45 w/ Kay Slay
K-Rino - Flip Side of Reality (Lyric Video)
 
Oct 2021
45
21
Czech Republic
Maybe but idk if I would think of it as such. I am also able to handle pretty much anything though, so you can tell me because I want to know what you're referring to lol.
PM me rather, I don't want to make you depressed (seriously) I will say: only if you already know!!! Same talking about this doesn't really help, or solve anything. I already talked to psychiatrist about that...

Do you dream that much?
I don't dream that much overall, but on the other hand - many times I dream perhaps couple days in a row, or relatively often in some periods. It is probably from anxiety and real-life problems! I have only weird dreams, they are like from 4th dimension indescribable in words!!! And I forget them quickly, only some flashes remains, or some parts...

I can actually see images in my dreams! Although even I have "aphantasia" I still can see mental imagines, they are almost colorless tho and they have no continuity, or I lose them quickly! Another way to put it: they are like monitor with 1% brightness, or behind a thick black glass! More like flashes! I also use them when solving-problems sometimes without realizing, because without imagination - it is possible that I couldn't understand concepts at all! Also no imagination != aphantasia, latter just means no mind's eye, but I have also pretty poor imagination - always had! Perhaps because I Am great a logic, I had an article about that...

Also it may cause you to have trouble forming plans on top of sticking to them as that is partially a creative process.
I have problem creating plans mostly, because "executive disfunctions"
plus I have some mental blocks and because it bores me so much that I just zone out! E.g. when I needed to read manual from tooth brush I got strong pain already after reading 2 sentences, but before I read something interesting like 5-15 minutes and it was much better! And I can't just take that pain from boredom mentally anymore... I give you example so you can better understand this, if you ought to help me:

1. I find complex carbs, but there are some which I don't know -> e.g. if it bores me to finding individual ATM, or i don't know some, I usually quit instantly!
2. I have to look which have most fiber for example, then because some aren't for consummation without cooking (I get desperate) because my mom cooks for me and she doesn't have a lot of time and is tired, so she won't plan this for me - if I ask her, but I don't have strenght to plan for meals currently! And because I Am overeating from bored (I made progress in this area greatly, I reduced sugars about 500% couple weeks now) and overeating less, but still. I get bored and jump to some unhealthy food. Food is boring me to death, there is only ham, or cheese, or yogurt, I need something firm to stomach usually, because my stomach hurts often! So many problems and because of that, I usually pick something uhealthy anyways from boredom. I tried to eat healthy when I was kid and much less bored and never was able to stick to that!!!
3. Also some foods are not in shops (on internet there are only crazy recipes, I wasn't able to find things I needed in 3 supermarkets and now don't even go out, or have strenght to finding some weird stuff and figuring out how to cook them, cooking bores me so much I can't even reach 3 lines how to cook, it is so boring my brain instantly starts to hurt and I can't even read ATM) a lot of vegetables and things are hard to come by, we buy from farms also, but she then buys from supermarket??? I told her to get from farms only, but she also doesn't plan for this, it is a mess! Also I told my mom cook fishes 2-3 times please, she wasn't able to even do this, again she is busy, so she really won't help me with anything and she is stupid and useless... I Am on my own...

I don't even remember what I had for lunch yesterday and I Am in pain, I can't even keep track of what I eat, I would have to also weight it to make sure I have enough carbs and what not, it is currently to difficult. I need first even more basic rules of healthy eating, but even that I wasn't able to follow, because my completley chaotic sleep schedule, stomach pain, either I Am not in mood for that etc.

I think I have problem with planning and because I see too much, it gets overwhelming too quickly. I see like 1000 options, but I have 0 executive function, so I get desperate and tell myself I Am never be able gonna plan this and it is gonna be like thsi forever and then negative emotions also prevent me from doing things... And I AM not perfectionist, but I try then too hard and return to 0, because I put too much on myself, I can't maintain any balance :( For me everything is chaos on trillionth... But currently it is 90% boredom - "hyperbolic discouting" pain from doing something which doesn't give me reward is inverse to time spent working. So earliest it is greatest, but longer you work it lessens. Problem my whole body hurts and I can't do anythign longer than 3 minutes currently.

Try listening to (not watching because blue light etc) information heavy videos or podcasts or audiobooks as you try to sleep (and in the day to help your RSI in general) as it will occupy your restless mind with something that allows you to sit still and close your eyes at least but isn't an "earworm".
1. Haha I made plans couple times to go read magazine 30-60 minutes before sleep, one day when I felt better for it, I can't even read at bed because blurred vision at night and I get quickly neck pain in any position + my head hurts. And i still deferred it like 10 times and instead listened to music, or find another youtube video, one more and after that next and so on... Yeah I need to upload sherlock homles to my MP4 and listen to this 1 hour before sleep, even if I use FLux, still looking at monitor can make you awake and I need to maintain regular sleep schedule, once I get to bed at normal times again. It is so many things. It is mix of 23 330 things and try to prioritize and make yourself to do hards things with all of that... I Am really lost ! And I will have to do that plan as you said and add things slowly and but be 100% consistent, but not that so it becoems overwhelming!!! Honestly counter to procrastination is only motivation from what I read (AFAIK) but I also got really depressed like never before lately! I have 0 motiovation for anything, because I can't remember how it felt experiencing beauty. I really emotionally flatlined kinda recently and I have only pain and bored left ATM. It wasn't as bad 6 years! Also everythign is so dynamic for me, I don't know how to even explain this. 77 883 - 107 510 variables are constantly chagning! DId I just pull random nuber closer to real number of things, or my sub-consciousness estimated that ? :D

2. bananas contain tyramine tho, I tried oats and it almost didn't help at all, maybe 5% I also tried lemon balm It didn't help at all. In past melatonine, but I got headaches and felt sleepy during day and badly overall!

3. I eat some blueberries, I will try to get some more

4. Oh nice! I have so many things i need to look up!!!

Yeah most important is to stop doing that cause for RSI, but I AM too bored, I play games still and sometimes I keep playing even for hours even when it hurts and then I Am bored 3 days, because I can't use my arm! I have 0 self-regulation, this is tough, games still entertain me more than wathcing TV shows (which is passive) but I should completely stop, because how serious my RSI is! And i need toget out badly. I will fix my sleep schedule and if I can't sleep I will have to take just more pills, still better than falling asleep 3 hours and not going out and boredom and pain from insomnia etc. I right now take only 1/4 - 1/2 of regular dose...

Many of your issues ultimately require some approach I'm not aware of and maybe over time I can help figure out what that is in incremental ways but I'm not qualified either officially or on a purely intellectual level to tell you exactly what to do.
Yeah it is incremental that's why it is so tough, yo uneed to do these things consistently and when yo uare in pain it is hard, I used to walk 10 km even years ago and one day I was in pain, next day only 6 km and it returned to 0. Because if you try too hard it pushes you back, I was also pushing myself too hard, because I can't stand wasted time, I could be already doing something fun! But because of that I made it longer, I need to accept this will be slow and do small changes but with 100% consistency, which is very tough , so I need small changes incremental! And give myself new tasks very slowly! I also tend to lose myself in 10 000 possibilities and forget to do basics etc.

Over time I may come up with theories about how your brain works
Cool, are you neurologist :D Or just interested for fun?
 
Oct 2021
45
21
Czech Republic
The pain itself may actually be physical and you pathologize it as being caused by the boredom itself because being immersed in something distracts you from pain, unless you're talking about psychological pain or stress-related pain from the boredom.
Not at all! Pain is 100% from boredom, if I were confident about something in my life is this. I had existential crisis in 20ties and I have exisntial boredom and I Am bored, because life is meaningless! I also used to be bored as kid a lot!!! E.g. when I skied first, it was like 4th dimension, incredibly fun to me! But 2nd and 3rd time was already meh and next time boring!!! WHen I Am bored, my brain literally hurts from boredom, I can discern this clearly, it was happening years by now...

Tell me which ones you like the most and why as it will help me understand your taste. I am going to send you a lot which are all very different.
It is very difficult, as I don't have really preferences for genres as I said (but I like especially electro, drumstep, dubstep, classical music mostly) my preferences for music might be totally inpredictable TBH! I always liked only 1 song from whole album and all other feels like shit to me! I also prefer "absolute music" that's why I don't listen to spoken music much! Why Arthur Schopenhauer thought music was the greatest of all artforms Even if I tell you I like 1 song I may not like other, that's why algorithms like on spotify doesn't work for me at all. I Am incredibly picky about music...

1th meh I don't like street rap really, or what that is

2th "We told you" is kinda interesting, I like when people speak quickly, but now because I have headache I can't quite track it. And I don't understand what they are singing usually, even in normal songs! I might have also damaged ears, it could be from overeating and I used to max out volume for longer period when I was bored the most! As I don't understand a lot of times even TV in my native language. Or it could be also at least partially, because I have deviated nasal septum -> I have pressure in my ears! When listening to rap, it isn't as much fun, if you don't understand what they are saying. And I don't understand metaphors well, so it is not fun for me most of the time...

Hollywood undead is fun tho! They have interesting melodies and they are very rude in funny way.

3th "F*** them up" is kinda interesting, at least it has a melody!

4th "Logic" hahahahahahahahahahaha

5th "oh gosh" meh

6th "Alchemy" meh

7th "Twisted Insane" LOL, kinda too much fast at bursts: I can't even make what they are saying

8th "Dax" lol why every rap song has so many "nigger" words in it :D It is so 1990s...

9th "locksmith" kind interesting, now when I heard this, that improvised rap is kinda impressive, when people make it all up to random theme on a spot!!!

last meh
 
Nov 2021
19
0
Location Land
Perhaps because I Am great a logic, I had an article about that
ADHD positively correlates to imagination/creativity a lot of the time because the thought process is more likely to go in this or that obtuse direction that a "normal" person wouldn't think of. At the same time though it can lead to abnormally rigid or linear thinking as well as various kinds of OCD because the chaos is too much and the brain starts to cling to structure. I think your brain is so chaotic and your ADHD is so severe that instead of it helping you to be creative ( at least on a conscious level) it forces you to desperately seek out the step by step logic in things. This is exacerbated by how difficult it is to feel stimulated, as only specific things work and it can lead to the brain following deeply ingrained algorithms and hyper-focusing on specific activities. Every time you do something that doesn't satisfy your need for highly structured input your brain doesn't release the dopamine that not only tells you to feel good but tells your individual brain cells that they just completed a task or received information, meaning your brain quite literally doesn't realize it is doing anything when you try to do something boring thus nothing will click and you will naturally look for something to do.
The question is how to get dopamine flowing more so that your brain cells will "click" more often which will improve attention span and memory. I use drugs, which I don't necessarily recommend but for me it works lol. I smoke cannabis concentrates (its legal where I'm from) which saturates my brain cells with extra dopamine and helps me tolerate tasks for longer plus makes me less irritable in general, and I also drink but I am uniquely well-adapted to alcohol and become smarter in a way when drunk unlike most people. Something that you may want to look into is stimulants for ADHD. I use caffeine but they prescribe stimulants as well because rather than necessarily over-exciting people with ADHD as one might expect they can also help you be overall calmer/more focused by helping neurons activate and transmit more easily and thus reducing the stressed out "MUST GET STIMULATED" urge.

I really emotionally flatlined kinda recently and I have only pain and bored left ATM.
This is partially due to reducing sugars so much I'm pretty sure, which wasn't bad but there needs to be complex carbs as a base for energy and then on top of that you can handle some simpler sugars here and there for a quick glucose boost. A stimulant may also lift up your mood but I haven't studied the prescription ones enough yet.


Cool, are you neurologist :D Or just interested for fun?
I'm not a neurologist but I am someone who can come up with things lol.


8th "Dax" lol why every rap song has so many "nigger" words in it :D It is so 1990s...
LOL


9th "locksmith" kind interesting, now when I heard this, that improvised rap is kinda impressive, when people make it all up to random theme on a spot!!!
That wasn't actually a proper "freestyle" and there are virtually none of those in existence published by pro rappers. It is very rare because it is 100% a better strategy to prepare what you're going to say because you can make sure to avoid saying lame or incriminating etc. things that might slip out in a freestyle. "Freestyle" is cheaply used in a lot of videos that don't explain that they mean "studio freestyle" as in rapping something pre-planned and pre-rehearsed in one take.


K Rino is one of my favorite rappers but his music can be slow or sonically harsh and not as "musical" as I'd like. He uses way higher levels of vocabulary and complexity though than most rappers.
 
Oct 2021
45
21
Czech Republic
I smoke cannabis concentrates
Yeah I don't do drugs, especially since I have brain damage and cannabis decreases IQ and destroys memory!
Also alcohol is not healthy in any amounts new big studies found!!!


Something that you may want to look into is stimulants for ADHD.
I was drinking coffee and green tea, they are supposed to be very healthy, if you drink both! But I stopped, because insomnia currently!

Prescribed stimulants? I prefer to go healthy way and use only natural sources!!!

This is partially due to reducing sugars so much I'm pretty sure, which wasn't bad but there needs to be complex carbs as a base for energy and then on top of that you can handle some simpler sugars here and there for a quick glucose boost. A stimulant may also lift up your mood but I haven't studied the prescription ones enough yet.
This is actually because depression, I reduced sugars before and it wasn't a problem, even I was used to them too much! It started happening like 6 weeks afterwards, I was very depressed last 3-4 days!

Yeah I will try to get complex carbs and avoid normal sugars as much as possible!

I'm not a neurologist but I am someone who can come up with things lol.
Same. I Am creative, but logically, as you said step-by-step usually. But get great ideas!

That wasn't actually a proper "freestyle" and there are virtually none of those in existence published by pro rappers. It is very rare because it is 100% a better strategy to prepare what you're going to say because you can make sure to avoid saying lame or incriminating etc. things that might slip out in a freestyle. "Freestyle" is cheaply used in a lot of videos that don't explain that they mean "studio freestyle" as in rapping something pre-planned and pre-rehearsed in one take.
Interesting xD

K Rino is one of my favorite rappers but his music can be slow or sonically harsh and not as "musical" as I'd like. He uses way higher levels of vocabulary and complexity though than most rappers.
I would want to see Johan Wolfgang von Goethe to rap, he had ludicrous vocabularly like 100 000 words + And could come up with poems on the spot!

I slept good today, so I Am going outside and less bored luckily tho don't know for how long, so I hope I can do something productive today and start with simple plans...
 
Last edited:
Nov 2021
19
0
Location Land
Also alcohol is not healthy in any amounts new big studies found!!!
Yeah, I wouldn't recommend it but I am affected in an unusually positive way by it due to my issues and my higher than average tolerance. It still impairs cognition but in just the right amount my brain works "smoother" and I can actually perform better while drunk at times. When I am not drunk or high I can get enraged at the slightest annoyance.


Prescribed stimulants? I prefer to go healthy way and use only natural sources!!!
I was reading about it yesterday and they wouldn't be prescribed to you anyway. They don't prescribe them for mega-severe ADHD or when its accompanied by tics or severe executive issues etc. I prefer the "natural" way with most things as well, and I wouldn't recommend any big pharma drugs most of the time.

Yeah I will try to get complex carbs and avoid normal sugars as much as possible!
Simple sugars can be useful to keep the glucose flowing smoothly into the brain. Complex carbs are processed more slowly, making them a good foundation for consistent energy which can be supplemented with a little sugar here and there. This is recommended for those with a combination of ADHD and high IQ since the complex carbs alone may be metabolized too slowly for your cell's liking and lead to more stress hormones. Your brain is so desperate for stimulation on top of being sleep deprived and lacking serotonin/dopamine that it is running on stress hormones as an alternative fuel source and something I noticed when I started consuming more carbs is that in a way it almost felt difficult to get angry/stressed when it usually comes so natural to me because part of the reason I produce so many "anger chemicals" is because I am so used to being angry that my cells were relying on it for energy. This isn't just about carbs/sugar though as it is important to realize that my issues are different than yours (although similar on many fronts) and part of what produced this affect in me was caffeine as well as the inositol in Monster energy drinks. Inositol is a "sugar alcohol" and also a neurotransmitter which naturally occurs in the brain and is associated with a calming affect which is why its used to "take the edge off" in monster to counteractive the jitteriness or irritability which occurs with inappropriately high caffeine levels. Caffeine on its own doesn't typically make me irritable since my brain likes being stimulated more than average, instead I am literally calmed overall by things which make a normal brain hyperactive because they take the workload off of my angry cells and glands.

Same. I Am creative, but logically, as you said step-by-step usually. But get great ideas!
I have never had an official IQ test but based on online tests, what people have said about me and what I observe in myself I can estimate various "Qs".

IQ: 120

EQ: 50

RQ: 180

CQ (creativity): 200


I would want to see Johan Wolfgang von Goethe to rap
Yes, he would make a very good rapper. I am also a fan of Edgar Allen Poe, who has rap-like structure in many of his poems.


I slept good today, so I Am going outside and less bored luckily tho don't know for how long, so I hope I can do something productive today and start with simple plans...
How did it go?
 
Oct 2021
45
21
Czech Republic
Complex carbs are processed more slowly, making them a good foundation for consistent energy which can be supplemented with a little sugar here and there.
Yeah you won't avoid probably sugars anyways, since in the morning you are supposed to eat 2 fruits, which contain sugar.

So what complex carbs you mean, I heard main type of complex carbs are starches. But there are more of them, which I didn't find yet.

Otherwise 3 main types of carbs are: fiber, starches, sugars. And starches will break ultimately into sugars, if I Am understanding this correctly, but more slowly as you said! So you don't want to consume more starches and sugars together, than is RDA for sugars. Which is admittedly very low like 40-48 mg (for sugar) it was? That's like 2 pieces of fruits. Ideally you shouldn't probably consume anything else than fruits.

There is already problem with this! Since ppl with high iq need sugars (along with complex carbs) in small amounts, but rather multiple times, because our brain is powered by glucose basically! But I read that you should consume 2 fruits in the morning, that's a lot of sugar at 1 period! Not sure if it is correct then, because even govermental guidelines aren't always right and there is a lot of disputes about everything which revolves around eating, so you never know! But also how Am I suppose to do it, if you eat 2 fruits that's almost RDA of sugars. And if you peel of apple, it is ugly brown then... But you have also grapes, which isn't very good, but you can eat it now and then. I wonder what/how/when/how much to eat of fruits!

How did it go?
I went outside day before yesterday and my whole body hurt that day and day after that ridiculously, because I strained my whole body from playing long time in a row. I try to resists and then I play like 6 hours straight not even drinking (in past this happened a lot). So I fucked it up again! My sleep schedule is now optimal and I feel better: less pain, less headache. I went at 23 pm last night and will target this hour for now. I really don't want to fuck this up, but i said it million times before and then I was awake til morning... But I feel strongly like I can't fuck this up, because pain it would cause.

But I Am bored like never before: I can't go back to watching TV shows, youtube videos, streams, playing PC games. It all makes me want to vomit! But because I don't have anything I can do whole day, I feel insurmountable insufferable superbly torturous unsatiable disgusting ultimate boredom to death!!!!!!!!!! Yesterday I was so bored: my whole head hurts and I was just switching between videos and spent like 6 hours thinking what I could do, after that I tried to do something productive, but I have so huge headache I couldn't even read 1 sentecne!

Luckily nowaday I feel little bit better. But because I can read about healthy lifestyle and I can't still plan for shit. I am glad that I:
- clean my teeth
- go out 1 time possibly
- exercise couple times, but not much, because even that is uncomfortable as hell and I am so bored after 3-5 minutes I stop from boredom (can't even endure this mentally for even that short of a time)
- try to not eat sweets (max couple squares of chocolate like 4, sometimes I went 6-8 , some days I can't help myself)
- I try to eat some fruits in morning (but I still have stomach pain - not some extreme but it is uncomfortable and since I was overeating on sweets I also don't have craving for fruits many times)
- I try to eat more in the morning
- I try to count glasses of water or drinks (but drink only if I Am thirsty) I drink only water, or orange juice in the morning, forget 1 glass of mineral water - man I did this also wrong: I used to drink years even 2 minerals waters per day, even these more stong, while you are supposed to drink 300-500, as it has a lot of sodium, which most of people have already too much!!! And they don't warn about this on package, I thought something that serious would have to be regulated. But I never cared about anything so I found out too late. Food industry is literally criminal syndicate like every other industry... Because corporations want to decrease intelligence of masses... And ppl don't have time and they make etiquette smallest as possible and via targeted marketing they are trying to accustom them to this unhealthy lifestyle!

I have problem to remember things and even timers frustrate me as hell , I can't manage anything even smallest things!!! But I need to stay positive, which is hard I have a lot of negative OCD thoughts, which I know are not true, but if they happen at 300 wpm, they become ubiquitous, I don't even know what are my real thoughts anymore... I will also go next week to see a psychotherapist about something yet...

I know I need to start slowly and consistently, because ego depletion, trying to hard doesn't work. BUt problem is this boredom. I need to endure torture every day to basically get even to next day and yet don't comitt any mistakes and try to do a little bit more than previous day. But today I feel better altyhough don't know for how long! This boredom!!!!!! Literally torture every second, I don't know how I will survive next unit of time.

Now I need to solve executive disfunction:
If I find list of starches e.g. and I need also sugars, so I would need to plan what to eat daily and make sure food is here. Also I will need to weight it, so I know how much I Am getting, or probably by estimate for now. But still I need to find nutrients of these foods with complex carbs, which is a lot of checking still and I need to learn them from head, to know what has how much. Still I need to figure out, in which form and how many times per day and when etc. to eat sugars, so I don't become tired! And how much starches to eat then, because otherwise I Will exceed sugar RDA. I don't know how to realize this. And what not...

Also becuase I have boredom, usually after 1 sentence my head starts to hurt brutally and my brain is like in a sap, or slow-mo. And I can't even remember anything, or I get tinnitus, or headache, that I quit, because I can't even work like this. I also don't recall what i wanted to do and main problem is I usually stuck on some step, that bores me, or what not.

Also complex carbs - starches are a lot in food particularly vegetables I Am speaking about now: which are not for consumation alone, but more like to launch or a soup and they are hard to buy, in supermarkets they have nothing. Or we buy vegetables from farms, but my mom doesn't plan that very well and buys still from supermarket, I asked here to prefer and get everything possible from farms instead, but she can't plan this... Also doubt she will weight these things to estimate amout of starches, because I don't want too much. IT doesn't have to be weighted now, only basics are enoug now, problem is there are all these little micro problems and I don't know how to breaks things to smaller problems and realize them and also my mom is problem, which makes launches for me, but that's it. She is busy in work and can't even read in english so she can't help me with this... SO I Am completely alone, no one helps me even... And it wouldn't be aproblem, but I have so bugged, and unhealthy I can't really solve anything by myself currently! Also problem with planning, I see too much options and I don't know how to organize them, too many problems also.

Also I have cronometer account where I can put food I eat too see nutrients' content. But it can't even show hours, so I can put something at exact our, to plan better. Also I would need to put there eventualities, in case I Won't be i na mood for this, so like 7+ options. Same these all programs are idiotic, you ahve to do everything yourself, if you expect any quaility whatsoever. IN 2022 we will start to see nutriogenetics apps: you get patch on arm and it will monitor your glucose e.g. and health of microbiome. Also you can send you hear and they can tell evne your microbiome quiliaty from amount of minerals in hair, or what. And estimate RDA for you. I need to get this eventually, but that is so far yet! Now Only basics and what to do first, what second , I don't know. I am like ghost in my body and I Am almost demented, it could be because I Am unhealthy, but I have mild cognitive impairment no joke! And make risks factors, which can emerge later on...
 
Oct 2021
45
21
Czech Republic
Also I was so stresed lately! And I don't know how to not be, I had a lot of negative thoughts, and I am so bored that anti-stress music bores me, so don't endure to listen to it very long most of the times!!! But today I am still calm, but for how long, now I can at least write, so it entertains me for a short time, but what then? Also I would need to solve stress that is like numero uno on my priority list, problem is I would need to be healthier to solve this and less bored. So I can't solve this first! So there is not much I can do ATM about this. Even priorities which should be first cannot currently be solved, so I Am working on these right after, but stress will slow me down meanwhile. It is convoluted AF, I can't really explain it, because I can't even write honestly ATM... Can't evne recall anything pretty much...

Yet even if I have couple priorities I get so frustrated by something I couldn't achieve, or do, but it is complicated not in classical way. I have so many problems... A lot of deadlocks and what not. I need to go simple as possible and clear my mind. More meditation, I couldn't even make myself to do anything yesterday... Today I could try meditate 30 min with relaxing music and clear my mind and make sure I do basics!

Also I can set some of my basic timers now, since I have normal sleep schedule now and I will go probably at least once 0.5km out, because even 1km is too much and it damages my body and makes pain too great, which sets me behind. It is tricky: I also need to not go some days out at all, like if I feel worse make 1 day pauise. Because I have so damaged my body, that even 0.5 km is a lot! And overdoing it may set me back weeks-months+++ That's how my pain started at least from fascia: I was 3 years sitting at home and then I started moving a lot one day 20 kn on bike, which is worst possible thign you can do, but I didn't feel anything at that time, but then extreme pain started: I couldn't sleep 1,2, 3 even days sometimes, once even 5 days, because pain. Once I didnt' sleep 2 days: I couldn't even hold my head on shoulders and couldn't keep eyes ope n and same I coul;dn't sleep from extreme pain in whole body!!! So I got addicted on sleeping pills (zolpidem, type of benzos and opiates, worst ever) it was only 0.5 half of tablet and when I realized they are addictive it was too late. Then withdrawal was almost like heroin I hear, it was really tough and I was yet in mental institition for a week, because I had suicidalthoughs and I said: i had extreme pain in whole body and they didn't give shit, I literally bit meat from my mouth and I yet lumps in my mouth from it ,but it doesn't hurt... That was really extreme pain I was in that time and it was still nothing compared to what I experienced later...

I will also get a better chair, or maybe even table, so I have better ergonomy for RSI. But again it stands that: boredom is hughest problem!!! But I can't do anything really, i see blurred and tinnitus, headaches, spine hurts, I can't even read 1 sentence barely and I can't really learn c++ ATM: I tried when I was better and it was nearly impossible even 15, 30, 60 minutes... beginnigs bore me anways. I am literally prison in space-time I can't do anything:

Tho existential boredom: I Am feeling like nothing almost right now, but it doesn't last. It is so dynamic, I can only escape when experiencing beauty and being fully immersed in something staggering! So I Am still really depressed and bored. That makes recorvery even more difficult. And suffer from severe anxiety, thought it is almost 0 one day and then almost 100% It is weird, again I would need to write bigliography and explain this like on 10 000 pages and make notes of what is happening to me, I couldn't even recall it everything in which order it happened to me, so i couldn't explain this anways...

LOL I get really hyper about healthy lifestyl,e but then i get depressed because I don't actually believe I can do it. I will be probably demented for rest of my life. I don't care if I Am genius, or not. Now definitely and even before I doubt I would be, or talented. But it is boring, I Am bored if I can do funny things. I Am bored already of whole observable universe, I need things like 4th dimension daily. It is so boring so it is pendeicular and same pricinple even 11th dimension, althought it is complex. So what we are stuck probably in this prison, so boring everything. But when I think about it I don't really experience boredom for some reason now. I Am more like nothing now, but how long it lasts, because emotions are too deep roted in and we are programmed to surival and ego and desires are source of suffering! Which again can be only evaded by experiencing pure beauty and being fully in awe of something, or imemrsed in one's work! But not much thing surpise me anymore! I would have to have IQ 230 and even that is nothing, you are still stick in this rock and know 0.000000000000000000000000000000...1% only about couple billions/trillions more than other people, but still nothing really...

Life is boring, same so what, emotions are illusions, I can't be really happy, or have pleasure from anything. Everything is neutral for me ultimately... Even I don't think again I can't escape my nature fully, only in these brief moemnets of experiencing beauty, because I am too emotional and sensitive person... I Am slave to emotions...

I used to be depressed that altruism is illusion and I don't really care anymore, only way to escape suffering is to become nothing and I can indentify more with fellow sufferers... But I don't care truly, because that's not authentic! I only want to reduce suffering of others to reduce my suffering, as everyone else. But even if everything is pre-determined, or random, if are we already determined to do a change: we are a half way there - Goethe! And even if we don't have FW, we can still choose to make it however we want (as life is like canvas to draw on) even if it doesn't mean really anything and it is not authentic and life will be still the Zero-Sum game... At least we can make it least shitty... I don't think I can ever achieve a meaning, or fully escape suffering, it is learned helplessness, but there is nothing I can do anyways with my worst problems. And life completely disgusts me to the core! I now feel nothing not like a long time before, or EVER, I Am interested how long this is gonna last. Like truly passive observer of the world, no pain, not even apathy, this experience of observing!
 
Last edited: