I didn't agree with some things Usedandabused said. I would agree with you on this one!but to say psychopaths in general are "retards" or have "low IQ"
Also that psychopaths don't feel pain both psy/phys is wrong no?
This is difficult one, there are prob. millions of perspectives how this could be viewed! But in general: messaging of Usedandabused was like this - I think. So I understand where you are coming from! Aside: I need to be calmer in some areas, but in some more active - I think. I need to be active and be studying about my problems and exploring these issues - autopsychotherapy ctrl+f it Positive disintegration - Wikipedia I also read multiple sites about recommendations for people with OEs and gonna read book about that - once I Am better!but empleat is neurologically wired to resist being calm more and more the less stimulation is given
That's 100% me! School kinda worn me out, even 5 minute doing homework and I felt strong pain in my brain and drawing on my mothers arm. I need constantly novelty, which isn't good long-term for doing hard work and you also need learn uninteresting stuff along, otherwise you are not gonna masters skills etc.then there are people who naturally get worn down because their minds are neurologically wired to be highly active.
EDIT: I developed negative relation to many things, I read for instance: that memory retention is greater when stuff are positive, but also during very painful events it can be greater!
If you knew what is inside, I need to admit, I was drinking them from time to time too much, because I have 0 self control. Literally 0!!! I am a bot!!!I drink energy drinks (mainly monster) but its important to practice moderation.
You are speaking well! I agree! Perhaps life is not to be solved but to experienced!!!Life isn't a win/lose game but one where you end up in a relatively better or worse situation based on raw circumstance and how well you avoid threats and use opportunities. You may as well consistently do the meaningless, boring bullshit that enhances your well being in the long run so you can exploit opportunities for exciting meaningless bullshit in the future.
Problem is: I Am so far gone, last couple days: I can't even make myself go to sleep, because hardcore "Bedtime Procrastination" and ultimate "Hyperbolic Discounting"!!! I rewind one 40 second part of music and listen to it even for hours Because people with AS don't get exhausted of that, because something how their memory works, they see it in original light all the time. I get exhausted maybe after 10 hours after 1 song
Back to the problem: it is actually so painful to do anything productive!!! And I Am bored as I was watching a wall whole day and because I can't do anything, which cause me to experience beauty and fully utilize my brain and then be fully immersed in my work - I feel excruciating boredom!!! And because I realize that I would have to do hard choices and it I will be bored months to years yet and there is no escape (that though alone is debilitating) and also because I will be behind. I Am so stressed about every second I wasted and yet today I Am not: only about 23%. It is so variable, it depends on my mood, what I Am thinking of. I have so many hyptheses and theories and I can't even which can be true, so it is hard to get motivation. I Am more like nothing currently and only thinking 24/7 can eliminate suffering, when I experience what i said...
1. I listen almost only (99% of times to QG - he is brilliant mixer and I like electro, because it is diverse and every time I hear something new), I was listening like 3 hours straight only to this 40 second part
But I also like classical music and recently discovered Jazz, I tried to listen to every genre that exists. I didn't prefer any genre (tho now I would prefere probably classical and Jazz, because composing raises IQ and you need to listen to that type of music to be able to compose and play it well) so I had will: I would listen only to most healthy and IQ music EVER, but because boredom I listen to existential music more, I have existential feelings reading philosophy and listening to GQ, head rushes like nothing EVER. I feel how every human being felt given what I know and think about things!!! I don't know what I wanted to say, because I have RSI and big fingers and right now I have tingling in my fingeres when I write and it is uncomfortable...
2. I liked chastus and played it when I was kid from time to time and I was also decent in Queen (I was intuitive player, never learn anything) and was like 3rd in my school in queen, but in tournament not so good, because ADHD and never practiced it before. I played chess sometimes with my grandfather, which was decent don't know how good, not very-extremely good, but decent! From time to time from boredom. But I don't enjoy chess, because it is mainly about super memory and knowing moves, I have aphantasia I couldn't remember chess positions even if I wanted. But maybe it is healthy to play it, study it, enjoy it from time to time. I sometimes try chess puzzles, but i have bad memory so I never gravitates towards chess (at least I have bad conscious memory) sometimes when I experience theta waves and I am calm and someone gives me context which excites me at the same time, I Am able to spout tons of stuff I didn't think years before... Also chess doesn't do anything, so if I would play it, only a time which is for IQ training, preferable you would do something productive and reap same benefits doign that, as playing chess, but it is hard or near to impossible to tell. SO from time to time you should play chess a moment prob. etc. I like chess puzzles to a limited point (depends on puzzles)
Right now I like only healthy lifestyle I think (except music) which bores me mostly, but I need to do that and I enjoy reading about it sometimes!
Also what yousaid usedandabused said, I already knew most, or all I think. And I didn't take everything literaly, or I got confused about some's usedandabused points. But still usedandabused gave me good info and I appreaciated talk, that's all I got from that I think. BUt i also felt negative emotions for a time. Again now I don't want to say anything negative about "usedandabused" because I feel grateful, but it is only emotion and I don't feel any problem here really. But I get just this emotion when you attacked "usedandabused" kinda, but not really. You were rational and spoken facts. I usually drive all people away, because I Am too difficult and I meant to say this to realtion of something with all this and I forgot and when I AM in good terms with people short-term, I start feeling anxiety so I don't do something wrong, even I know there is no reason and back then: i used to evaluate this and feel mostly OK, but when I have OCD at 300 WPM, then sometimes it is easy to forget, or even long-term, because I Am not thinking about these things anymore. In recent months-years I got even OCD so strong, I felt very negative for no reason, just because it was too much! Not sure if I am explaining this correctly...
Lol and when I started reading your post: i got fantasy thought, that you are maybe high iq, or genius and you will get annoyed by me quickly and leave... Or I had even imposter syndrome - I didn't know about this long time. I Also knew about ADHD only when I was adult and about AS when I was 13, but I didn't belive it, because it is usually viewed as something wrong and people call retarded things autistic, even this phrase never bothered me much really, but when some other person could be bothered by it, it bothered me by proxy! And what I Am even talking about again Oh i forgot 1 think, because hwo do you continualy write with ADHD, when you need to put 1 sentecte after 1 sentect whcih relates to it, but it relates in future to something else, I don't know how to write without tautology of repeating myself and how to even write!!!
I get from your post a lot of similarity to my problem and that weren't even that many words yet, perhaps intuition, or hope (which is probably more like desire). OR I was role-playing in my mind dunno... Anyway it is really liberating when someone really gets you, even only if for short-time...
EDIT: 2 tO SLEEPING PROBLEM: I WAS THINKING I COULD TRY BIPHASIC SLEEP, SLEEP LIKE 3H 15M ONCE AND SECONDLY ANOTHER 3H 15M, BECAUSE I AM TOO BORED TO GO SLEEP BEFORE 6 AM AND IF I AM NOT TIRED AND I SHOULD PROBABLY GOT AT LEAST 0.5KM WALK EVEN IT IS EVENING, BECAUSE I DON'T KINDA FROM EXECUTIVE DISFUNTION, because it is too late, but i think this could be doable. As it is catch 22 and i need movement badly! Because I can't sleep at all otherwise from boredom 85-90%!!! Also i need to make myself to ge tout of bed, i usually lie at least another hour even if i had chest pain and couldn't breath well, or my whole body hurts and today and I lied yet like 3h ours, this shit needs to go!!! It is so tough tho. I tried 6 years to get out of this nightmare and it is getting only worse!!! Because I have also executive disfunctions ( I Am like robot, I have 0 self-control iterally) I need timers for timers, it is tough!!!