High Conflict Personality

Mar 2022
16
7
21801
I am dealing with a HCP who I will have a lot of unavoidable contact with for the next 14 months. He has been an issue for this organization for 5 years. Took me several months to figure him out. Could never find the motive for the very same actions repeated over and over either thru proxies or himself with high reaction to several members of the organization. In a particularly chaotic meeting a few weeks ago when he and 2 people he has roped into his sphere were extremely disruptive. I started asking others what his motive could be. It really made no sense to me how that could be the motive as the actions lead no where near that supposed goal. The supposed goal itself is not bad, but pretty ambitious. I ask others if that could be his motivation.
Apparently me asking about that supposed goal got back to him. He was infuriated and called me over to a leadership group to "nip it in the bud" He asked me if I was asking others about said goal. I said absolutely and lit into him with full list of crazy crap I had personally witnessed over the prior 10 months with others in the group either agreeing with me or had no clue to what they were witnessing. I was firm, calm, and rolled thru it like Grant took Richmond. He denied any misbehavior although proven and known by others there. He just got quite.
Today he put an email out stating the whole issue was caused me and another who I got the "motive" from, not his behavior over the last 5 years. I know I should not have confronted him. I know continuing to confront him will only help him get his rocks off, but his actions are detrimental to the organization. What do I do?
 
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Aug 2021
370
181
Texas, USA
This is an HR issue and needs to be mediated by them. Since you two will have to work on the same team for the next 14 months the quicker you get this dispute resolved the more quickly you can dedicate your time to solving tasks. If your HR department refuses to get involved find a mediator you can both agree upone and you both agree to follow their recommendations and work with that person. Once again, you will not be fully productive as a team until this is resolved.
Good luck, and let us know how it goes,
Ivery
 
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Mar 2022
16
7
21801
This is an HR issue and needs to be mediated by them. Since you two will have to work on the same team for the next 14 months the quicker you get this dispute resolved the more quickly you can dedicate your time to solving tasks. If your HR department refuses to get involved find a mediator you can both agree upone and you both agree to follow their recommendations and work with that person. Once again, you will not be fully productive as a team until this is resolved.
Good luck, and let us know how it goes,
Ivery
This is a club.

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Mar 2022
16
7
21801
Let me add the "rumor" component really bothers him. Sounds like some paranoia possibly.

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Mar 2022
31
6
Jonesboro, AR
Coincidentally I dealt with a similar personality recently, a misanthrope, someone who felt they
were privileged for some reason and was being protected by the boss; they bent all the rules
and their job always became someone else's. My answer was to minimize my interactions
with them and keep my workplace behaviors professional and focus on my tasks and assignments,
exclusive of "other duties as assigned." As long as they didn't touch me, they could
say or do anything they wanted. False accusations were levied against me and two others for
nondescript and baseless actions. Listen, I believe that to punish stupid people, let them
have or do what they want and they will punish themselves... and I don't have to do a thing.

The H.R. involvement in this case was totally sympathetic to that person's claims and H.R.
kept interviewing us to find something they could write us up for. Finally, I ended up serving
myself to them on a silver platter and when I was finally written up, I turned in two weeks
notice and quit. Leave them to their own devices and let them stew in their own juices.
Life is short and I don't need to waste my time in toxic environments.

To deduce your adversary's motives is nothing more than guesswork and you should limit
your time chasing those answers. It could've been anything from the way you smell to the
way you dress or carry yourself. You only have to answer for your own behaviors.
I didn't care what was going on in the "club." I would ask my boss, "What don't you want me
to work?," then let him choose. I wasn't going to run myself ragged trying to support a collapsing
structure. My focus was on preserving MY reputation.

Hey listen, keep the faith for whatever faith you observe, do your best, and let the chips
fall where they may. G-d sees this stuff. Oh, I also believe in left-handed corporate justice,
so when all was said and done, I levied six grievances against the H.R. rep for totally mishandling
the affair and not following the corporate guidelines for resolution... uh, I mean the policies of convenience.
The truth is, you can't fight City Hall, but you can get them to fight themselves.

Best of luck, mate.
 
Aug 2021
370
181
Texas, USA
This is a club.
Ok, understood. The only way this will ever be settled once and for all is for both of you to agree on a mediator to make a decision regarding these issues. You will both have to agree upon the person(s) and agree to follow their recommendations. Until that happens you will encounter friction in these shared endeavors.
Best of luck, let us know how it works out,
Ivery
 
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Mar 2022
31
6
Jonesboro, AR
Ok, understood. The only way this will ever be settled once and for all is for both of you to agree on a mediator to make a decision regarding these issues. You will both have to agree upon the person(s) and agree to follow their recommendations. Until that happens you will encounter friction in these shared endeavors.
Best of luck, let us know how it works out,
Ivery
From my experience corporate mediators work for the benefit of the company and
their only goal is to re-establish the peace regardless of the cost or who's right and
who's wrong. They don't even focus on what is best for the company, they just want
to keep things quiet... which is not resolution. Of course, this statement cannot apply
to all corporations and all mediators.

You are correct in that the friction will continue until some level of resolution is achieved.
The friction is caused by the two opposing forces on the common, or shared interaction.
Those forces, from my perspective, are magnetic in nature and don't pull against each other
but pull on that process which is taking place in the interactive gap. When the opposing forces
become strong enough, the interaction will snap apart, release its energy, and cause an atmospheric
disturbance which generates noise. When it comes to that plane of social interaction,
that noise usually sounds like this... "Ah... F you!" hahaha, although it's really not funny.

Corporate policy for dispute resolution, like all corporate policies, are guidelines set up for
those who do not know how to behave appropriately by themselves. It's a soft-toothed
reference document that when "push comes to shove" turns into "Policies of Convenience,"
and we're led to believe those policies apply to all employees under which they govern,
however, I've seen it, and I've been victim to it.

So what can a person do? Correct, give it a try. It is said that when you have nothing,
you have nothing to lose. Enter the dispute resolution with an open heart and mind,
tell your truth, monitor the results, and then let the chips fall where they may.
However, a mediator is not the ONLY resolution, just one we've been led to believe
is effective and appropriate. It is a real challenge to have those policies applied to
everyone under its govern and it's very frustrating to see when it doesn't.

Of course, we all wish the best outcome for "Glendonboy," which is why we reply to
his call for input, advice, direction or whatever you wish to call it.
 
Mar 2022
16
7
21801
I am very tempted to take him on now. Otherwise he will be a constant stress. Or I am thinking of ignoring him, but titillating his paranoia, by whispering in his presents, leaving the room with others to have "private" conversations.... I know it is junior high stuff, but he is paranoid enough it might distract him to stop his behavior or quit. BTW I am retired, with ticker issues. I love this club, but my health will come first. The head to head thing will be too much stress. Playing with his paranoia would be cruel I know, but less stress. These personality types do not reflect on their past behaviors and are never at fault. There is no mediation that will work. Just stating how I feel and bouncing this off you guys.
Thanks
 
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Reactions: The Interactor
Mar 2022
31
6
Jonesboro, AR
I am very tempted to take him on now. Otherwise he will be a constant stress. Or I am thinking of ignoring him, but titillating his paranoia, by whispering in his presents, leaving the room with others to have "private" conversations.... I know it is junior high stuff, but he is paranoid enough it might distract him to stop his behavior or quit. BTW I am retired, with ticker issues. I love this club, but my health will come first. The head to head thing will be too much stress. Playing with his paranoia would be cruel I know, but less stress. These personality types do not reflect on their past behaviors and are never at fault. There is no mediation that will work. Just stating how I feel and bouncing this off you guys.
Thanks
As I coached myself in similar circumstances, I tried to maintain the posture
of being the most adult in those interactions. Catering to the Junior High shenanigans
will definitely relieve some stress, but it will only serve to make things worse.
Yes, I "needled" my adversaries a little bit... with psychotic and surgical precision.

And, try to have a little faith that everything happens for a reason whether or not
you ever find out that reason. Two years ago, a similar fracas was put in my face.
I did my best, exposed the corporate policy administrative bias, then quit.

The day before my last day, and completely without advance planning, my M.I.L.
moved in and I instantly became her home health care agent. I did a 180 from
what I was to what I am and have been. So, who won? I think I did.