help needed understanding my brother in law conversation style

Nov 2021
1
1
watertown tennessee
I am at my wit's end with trying to relate and or understand my brother-in-law's conversation style. you see when we all get together say at the bar or at a friend or family's house. conversations run wild, they are everywhere, multiple going on in the kitchen, multiple in the living room, etc. I have no problem dealing with, or listening to multi conversations at once, I view these multiple conversations/voices like flipping thru tv channels I pick one, listen, interact, and jump in if I have something to say and if I don't like it I change the channel. but not my brother-in-law, he can not just listen to and jump into a conversation he expects the conversation to stop so he can speak. jumping into an ongoing conversation is truly impossible for him.
you can see it in his eyes that all these voices running at once REALLY BOTHERS HIM,. so much that he just finds a chair somewhere and retreats to his phone, or will wander off and have one on one conversations with people, some times he gets mad at the group for not letting him speak. this is what we find odd as well. no one directly tells him to not speak. so why does he feel as if he is intentionally being silenced when he is around multiple conversations. we all find this odd. to us it appears that if he opens his mouth he expects everyone to stop talking until he is said his part. you can not expect large groups of people to go silent just so u can speak. i mean it a social setting not a court of law. what is his problem? what is our problem? i really would like to understand him and find a solution to this.
 
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Jul 2021
420
51
London
I am at my wit's end with trying to relate and or understand my brother-in-law's conversation style. you see when we all get together say at the bar or at a friend or family's house. conversations run wild, they are everywhere, multiple going on in the kitchen, multiple in the living room, etc. I have no problem dealing with, or listening to multi conversations at once, I view these multiple conversations/voices like flipping thru tv channels I pick one, listen, interact, and jump in if I have something to say and if I don't like it I change the channel. but not my brother-in-law, he can not just listen to and jump into a conversation he expects the conversation to stop so he can speak. jumping into an ongoing conversation is truly impossible for him.
you can see it in his eyes that all these voices running at once REALLY BOTHERS HIM,. so much that he just finds a chair somewhere and retreats to his phone, or will wander off and have one on one conversations with people, some times he gets mad at the group for not letting him speak. this is what we find odd as well. no one directly tells him to not speak. so why does he feel as if he is intentionally being silenced when he is around multiple conversations. we all find this odd. to us it appears that if he opens his mouth he expects everyone to stop talking until he is said his part. you can not expect large groups of people to go silent just so u can speak. i mean it a social setting not a court of law. what is his problem? what is our problem? i really would like to understand him and find a solution to this.
I read a book a few months ago about how Polish organised criminals become boyfriend and girlfriend to infiltrate families and recruit people to commit crimes, generally they access them to distribute drugs and other compounds that can make someone more susceptible, I guess disability in the family can lead to that too, particularly since a lot of families worldwide are dysfunctional. I believe that it can happen everywhere where they are socially or politically backward to be honest, so if your gut feeling tells you that your brother in law is a bad influence it may be true, particularly if your sibling is always talking positively about their partner, and yet you can't scroll down this feeling. Sometimes appearances can deceive, but it is possible that you could also be a sensitive and intuitive person who can tell, especially when a few people are warning you about this person, I mean, sure it could just be bullying, but if three people have warned you about something being off, even indirectly and your own gut feeling is telling you something is off, it is possible you may be dealing with a psychopath. It is normal for psychopaths to be seeking attention, I remember my sibling's abuser girlfriend would really make me feel angry just being around her, even if I don't really display anger, because she was extremely rude on several occasions if she wasn't the center of attention. Initially I tried to reduce the amount of severity of her condition to something like a cluster b personality, but now seeing how my sibling is acting like her etc, I do think she is a psychopath. And I think it's normal to being in shock and thinking that it's not possible your sibling may never get a partner who is a psychopath, or a boyfriend or a girlfriend, and it is unfortunate but these things happen, I do believe that parental roles are important in that regard. Example if you have a parent, like a mother who is very self-centered and only cares about herself and doesn't care about the sibling in fact she may even join in abusing him because she thinks his abusive behaviour is unacceptable and is shallow like that, then you understand these things can happen for instance. I do think that a real parent should discipline children into molding in complete adults. As a sibling I did that until age 18, but after that, I didn't think my sibling would still require my guidance, as my elder sibling was independent, I was independent, I wouldn't think that out of nowhere he'd lose all the morals and empathy I taught him over some psychopath, but yes it does happen, and generally a condition called echopraxia can be the source for that. Even though I managed to prevent him from turning into a drug addict because of that psycho girlfriend, he drinks a lot and she pretends she doesn't drink in front of our family but really she was the one inciting him, and I think she is racist, as she thinks the whole family is stupid and she is so much clever she can destroy it. Unfortunately my mom is a bit dumm and so is my younger sibling, however the dumm adults. But I think at least you are a male you could put this brother in law in place, but if you are a female like myself, it becomes harder. Yes psychopaths are crazy, and predators, it is hard to understand why they act the way they do, we can only know they work and prevent them from damaging us, generally they want attention as they never were disciplined. I must admit my sibling was nothing like this, he was this extremely intelligent individual turning into some family abuser due to his psycho gf, and unfortunately the carelessness of my mother. I don't even know how to react in those situations. I really don't know what they teach kids these days, but it went from my sibling following on my footsteps, and suddenly opposing everything I do. I do believe these people are sexual predators, anyway, I won't go into detail about the abuse, but your gut feeling may be right. I tried to have a conversation with my mother who is not helping the situation and she supports his behaviours, therefore I have given up now, as it's really exhausting.
 
Last edited:
Aug 2021
155
92
Austin, TX
He may have hearing issues that keep him from being able to follow multiple conversations at once. I suffer this problem, in large rooms with multiple conversations it all sounds underwater to me. I have to find a corner somewhere and have limited conversations with small groups to be able to understand the comments. I also have to be able to read lips sometimes. Your brother may also have attention disorders, hence the flipping from one conversation to another, As far as the need to dominate all the conversations at once, there are many issues which may cause such behaviors, from simply being unwilling to let other people speak so that no truth but their truth is told, to narcissism. You may be able to coach him a little, by talking to him one on one, but if he is unwilling to change he will have to suffer the social consequences of his behavior.
Good luck,
Ivery
 
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