Help myself with meditation

Sep 2021
392
55
Berlin
I have no feeling for 5 toes separately. Also other parts. To get feeling for it,i have to do exercises like press each toe, flex each to. The problem is its hard to feel without eyes. So i try. Its boring. There are other parts. Rips in 4 parts i dont each side. Expand rips each side. But you dont see it so you have to say it. Superboring. Spine in 5 parts i dont feel. As example long spine part. Spine can also move somewhere like backwards. Also to the right, left and front. Rotate both directions. Fingers each finger in 3 parts. Long. Heart i kind of feel, but not well enough, but its not dancing. So bend and flex each finger part. Each part right left, no i dont see it, whole finger right left. Shoulderblades i hardlyfeel. Each shoulderblade in 4 direction. Rotate shoulderblades, doesn't feel like you can see it, so maybe not now. Rotate the foot is not clear for me, rotaate habd also notbut from ellbow both directions. From knee i dont see. I admit i love misces of face too. Eyes move separately in 4 directions, but dancing is more interesting. Stretch fingers each of 4 directions. Maybe only flex and point. Same for toes. Just because i have needles for Acupuncture i dont know where is good to put for me or people with similar problems. Each chacra is maybe something good for everyone, otherwise i dont know. I know my head.... This was about sensitivity. Some thimgs i didn't do so much like stretching generally. I could do rotation of fingers and toes but i dont want, so i do rotation. Does not feel interesting because its hard to see rotation of toes and fingers. Then bend forward 5 min would be good. Without clock 10.

I know there are positive effects from fasting. You can do for 10 days from what i heard, but can be dangerous. 2 days are ok. If you are sporty, still can be dangerous. If are professionally sporty, 10 days are ok. 12 too. Afterwards i dont know. If you can for 7 hours or 6 within a day, which is quite a limit, then 2 weeks should be fine. Afterwards better a break for a month and repeat for 2 weeks. Aftee 3 years same. After 10 years same. After 60 years same. If i test it, it will nit change, i dont have much experience however. But your sportiness can be affected by this diet, so if you have problems with it, then still do, its good for the body. Its not to eat less, but just good. I guess nobody does it, its very exhausting. I also don't expect to do it. I cant force myself for this. I guess the positive effects are that you get less sick. Not faster in thinking. Feel better after some years emotionally like less any bad feeling. I guess thats it. Than for my aggression it should work too but only after 2 or 5 years...
 
Last edited:
Sep 2021
392
55
Berlin
I still have no opinion on reaction game to focus on something. Randomly like me it feels senceless. If you know how words help or images or whatever, its useful, even you dont enjoy. Also for me i guess. Dance related words are good, because i am interested in it and its healthy, art related too. Mathematical felt things rather not. Body related are good, random words without meaning are rather not helpful. Feelings are art related, so ok. People to which i have personal relation even small is good, other things are either i have some relation to them or not. So better with relation. Combinations untill 3 is good. Afterwards if you dont enjoy better not. I think thats it. So if my mouth says whatever i will learn to say better things. The problem with very short i would learn too. So 5 min untill 2 hours is good. Interruption i would learn to react. Because some situations are better without meditation. Over 2 hours per day is usually not necessary, however it does not matter. I dont plan to do it, because its not that i need it. I do other things like using my voice. So i learn sth slowly. I could do it fir a year or whenever, however i dont plan it.
 
Sep 2021
392
55
Berlin
I was running today for over 3 hours i think. I think it doesn't help me. But i might run again tomorrow but not over 90 min. I might do it next years... After i am normal too...but i am not sure. If i test this assumption. I would arrive at next 2 months 90min max. Min no time. Afterwards i dont know. But being exhausted for 3 hours of running would be good.

I think i did today more than i need. After 90 min was enough, bzt its good to know the border. But its not that i have to recover i guess
 
Sep 2021
392
55
Berlin
No running... As always...
For some reason often saliva comes out of my mouth while my jaw is moving. Why? Do i have problem with digestion? For sure i have.but is this the reason... I think so... And what is the problem? Something is not working well and why saliva then? As if food is in mymouth? No. Trying to clean itself? I cant tell, although for sure my body is superdirty, this is just because i know from my mom about storage of shit in the body.
 
Sep 2021
392
55
Berlin
Also i am asking myself, what i didn't try yet, or not enough... I wasnt dancing in a class for long... I don't know how to continue here. From these mental things i think i cant think now...maybe because its late. My sleeping time is really bad now... I don't know how to deal with it
 
  • Like
Reactions: Usedandabused
Sep 2021
392
55
Berlin
I often talk to myself about order of things. So on which place is posting here. Not the first i would say for myself. If i think of other fucked up people, i think its one of the first things. Even you are sporty, but movement doesn't work. If i test it, its not clear, because people have to be defined. And i can say, someone who cant do movement. Then posting here is not on the first place. Because i tried it and dont go further. But what is on first place? To be honest i dont know. Something like trying to be social, but it also doesn't really work... Then spending time with girlfriend also not... Then its one of the first things... But on second is do maths... Not very big list... Because everything i do is on first place... No, because containering is not on first place, but second. Buying things is on first place then... It doesn't really help me... Trying to move or do acting i mean try to is same place as writing here. Or do nothing or sleeping. Eating is not on first place, but on third.
 
Last edited:
Jul 2021
420
51
London
Also i am asking myself, what i didn't try yet, or not enough... I wasnt dancing in a class for long... I don't know how to continue here. From these mental things i think i cant think now...maybe because its late. My sleeping time is really bad now... I don't know how to deal with it
I haven't danced in years too. I only did for two years, so quite a beginner to intermediate, but it was fun to some extent, however I tried again early winter last year, but the teacher was so bad he put me off, he actually began disturbing me and other stuff, so I just don't want to since. I think you need a really good teacher, but yes it does help in depression especially.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Alexey Trubarov
Sep 2021
392
55
Berlin
I haven't danced in years too. I only did for two years, so quite a beginner to intermediate, but it was fun to some extent, however I tried again early winter last year, but the teacher was so bad he put me off, he actually began disturbing me and other stuff, so I just don't want to since. I think you need a really good teacher, but yes it does help in depression especially.
Yes dancing is great! Of course you need a good teacher! Thank you for always commenting on my nonsense
 
Sep 2021
392
55
Berlin
I am asking myself if i understood enough or analyzed enough... For sure not, because its my feeling... But feeling is a beginning of something.

How would others do? Trying to guess abd if you are lucky it helps. So i guess... Details is not where i start usually. But whynot? I feel cold and i dont like to be afraid of cold. I want to be hungry and so on. How to reach it? Idk. Another detail: i cant sleep. Why? Antidepressiva? Maybe...i find it hard to describe my perception which feels wrong. Something easy. If not Antidepressiva, then backpain. I am more tensed from running. And breath and jaw...

Next detail: i am nervous often when i am not sure about something and it feels unnecessary. Its not detail... Unnecessary means easy to correct but its just a feeling. How to correct? To tell yourself be calm... I guess... Or don't eat much. Calms down for sure. By calm sounds like exercise, but i cant tell myself to do it... Although i cant explain why. But just saying be calm is not enough... The whole autogenes-training is also not enough i guess including personal goals... But maybe i am wrong... Its just a memory. But what is missing is that nervous is ok to some extent. I am not supernervous about others. Others are much more nervous, but less would be better. Aggression is much worse.

Nervous is kind of afraid of people.

Me talking not fitting into others is very frustrating. Yes it feels listening would help but its not that easy. I don't know the answer.

My critisizing Nathalie for her food is so annoying. I cant stand it. How can she stand it? Idk. But she is much worse with me so kind of excuse...

Doing sports today i feel like i will destroy everything because i dont feel environment. And stiff. And wrong eyes it feels i mean how i see is wrong. But nothing is wrong, i just sence mysrlf too much i think. Or too detailed? Its same, no? Idk but this is not same. You can see or sence one thing stronger than others without detail...
 
Last edited: