Help myself with meditation

Sep 2021
392
55
Berlin
Feeling fingers. It doesn't feel new. It doesn't matter. Next i could do toes after 9 days for same period or longer. Its just a simple perception exercise. Why toes? Because idk. I could choose arms but it does not feel very idk. I am interested in toes maybe thats why.
 
Jul 2021
420
51
London
idk anything about yoga, it just doesn't inspire me for a reason. :) although I know it might help ballet dancing. Idk any ballet dancing either. :) did some ballroom though
 
Sep 2021
392
55
Berlin
I still can try to go somewhere to practice my voice. Lets see if it works because I dont like cellar. Outside is also possible. Without phone i would just sleep and maybe listen something and sometimes not just being dead and feeling senceless. I have no game if i am doing something not demanding or being still naked model. Maybe later. But hard to imagine. This connection between tensed jaw and unnecessary meditation is obvious or no? It seems obvious for me because i experienced like this. I am not sure how it works for other, but for most people i guess its same. If head is fucked up anyways, then its quite sensitive... No its too easy. You will feel some tension for sure in the head somewhere. Ok maybe its same for everyone... Not sure. My jaw moves, this doesn't need to be everyone. But its a common thing. Tensed things move after you dont deal with problem.

We make a food game. She wants to make diet whichbsounds healthy. I was asked to participate. I am always sceptical about planned calories, but le5s lets see. I should eat even less than the app say. Like 2 eggs or sth at the moment a day. If i do a lot of sports maybe 3. I dont know how i arrive at this number.

Far away from being good or giving advise with food i feel. I give stupid advise
 
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Sep 2021
392
55
Berlin
Which i tried by self. Food is not in some order in my head as its consequence of sth else. So planning food longterm is not necessary i think. But maybe you do it middle or short term and you get used to it. This effect means planning food. So i am not there yet. Maybe never, dont know. I didn't hear of such examples.

What can i learn from writing. Realize something small i guess. As anybody else. I have one thing in my head and as always cant express it. It was again autogenes training, which i feel i dont need in the simple form and dont have enough feeling for it. This structure of mantras... I dont need phone. I cant tell this. Expressing something is not same as realize sth. In writing you can also realize sth important not just small. Psychotherapy is similar. Small small and sometimes big. Nothing to learn, nothing to exercise, sounds too easy. But it feelslike this, because it doesn't happen. Even i want or find it senceful. Learnig means just feeling of learning smth. Can be alone, can be with others.
 
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Sep 2021
392
55
Berlin
Being exact is good. I thought tell me Alexey, how much exactly you want to eat... This sounds weird. I dont want abd i dont need but I will probably. Probably is quite sure if food is there. In some situations however i eat less like stress or i have to do sth. Or very tired. Or sick i guess. So i will eat if this rule with my girlfriend doesn't exist independent of sports. How to measure food? If you eat a lot you can say. Some people would eat chocolate bars like me then how many chocolate bars. Some noodles like 1 kg noodles or bread or nuts. So in nuts 1,5 kg i would eat. It means not 3... So already contradicting myself. If i do lazy sport like in last weeks which is normal person without plan to do sports but cycling. Then its not very clear. Lets say sporty person feels lazy. Then i would eat 1,5 not 5 kg of nuts. Its blurry. But i think its good way to describe. From 1 to 5 kg. This is the no border. If i go underneath, its good. Imagine i do sports like i feel sporty, i would say the same. If i feel i am preprofessional in sport amount then same. If i go beyond then 1 and 6 the no borders. I think this is the limit. Thinking i dont want to include now. Its not precise at all but better than nothing. Its not very scientific, because its not i just eat any amount between 1 and 5. If a sporty person does not feel tired, its still not precise. One would in running 30 min. So not 5 min, not 1 hour. So i dont go beyond my previous precision. But 1 to 5 is not just anything. And my thinking is almost not present. I think its just that no more goes inside so i feel i suffer abd stop. Thats a bad thing. So the amount is then something like 3 kg to say sth. Beause thats how much would go inside without suffering too much. I think this is the poor reason. For some poor people its same. When i was physicist, it was similar. Idk more now.

Learning sth would mean stretch for instance. What is the reason it does nit work? It feels lonely. But everythung would feel lonely. Lying around also feels lonely. My body is tensed it feels and doesn't want to do anything.
 
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Sep 2021
392
55
Berlin
My knees or more left tensed and maybe differently than usual because of the diet from my girlfriend. Because i tried to eat less before and didn't work out. And my body felt differently tensed but i cant prove it. Somehow i connect it with food. Its hard to say what the difference really is in the knee. It feels like the body gets frozen.

I dropped peas yesterday from freezer and i thought it can be because of diet. Can be, idk. Being careful with things is a sign, if something is wrong. And something is wrong, i don't feel them. Listening helps. I mean for others i can imagine too. Not listening to music but to everything. Something is always there, very subtle. I dont know why it works like this. Wouldbe interesting to know.

You can also just practice doing sth where you have to be careful like card game or building sth. I guess it can work too.

How long would i keep this diet. Idk. I am sorry. When i say no or idk i tend to say its not so important. But what is important then? A silly answer would be not writing here. But then i can do nothing. Similar to writing here feels practicing voice alone.

Important would be not eating too much or improve with body somehow, something which just feels important, not too theoretical. To do sth important is ok.... Do education to earn more money or sth body related... Although i am not sure...

I am escaping explanations. I write sth and don't know what i mean. I write education and dont
 
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