[HELP] I don't think I love my boyfriend.

Apr 2021
Hello, everyone.
I've been dating my boyfriend for approximately 6 months.

I've been trying and trying to love him, but I just can't.

And no, I don't plan on running off with anybody else, when I've decided he's the one.

There's something blocking my emotions deep in my heart. Even when I try to flirt with him, I just can't.

Alright, I'll tell you everything:
From the very start, before our relationship, our conversations were always so-so, in my opinion, while he found them interesting.

After talking for awhile, I grew interested in him, because I think he's smart and quite the cool person. Though, there's still some sort of barrier — for example, his self-deprecating jokes is kind of a turn off for me sometimes.

We had tons of funs together: listening to music, having deep discussions, and so on. Though I enjoyed very many of them, I found some of them meh. (At this point, I had a mini crush on him).

At one point, we grew really close and he began complimenting me in a romantic way. It kind of made my heart skip a beat. There's even this one time where I can't even hold it in anymore and spent the whole day blushing, but I kept denying it. And eventually, I succeeded, but the negative thoughts prevailed.

So, after that, the only reason I stayed with him is because of our deep friendship bond, though I almost felt nothing at all.

After he confessed to me, I tried my best to find my feelings and love him somehow, but I can't. And yet, I still accepted his confession.

At the start of our relationship, I was kind of cold and distant, while he was all lovey-dovey with me.

And in about two or three months, I might've begun to change into someone who's not the girl he liked from our friendship, and the spark slowly faded away for him.

I wanted to love him, but I just can't:
I even thought of breaking up with him sometimes, though I couldn't bring myself to do it. During the start of the relationship, I've even thought about how other men are better sometimes.

Now, which is about six months since the start of our relationship, I've begun to grow a little bit fonder of him, but it's very temporary and it's just so difficult, especially with him being slightly more distant as of the moment.

I just don't know.
As how I've liked him and how my heart could burn for him, I know I can love, but why can't I love him now?

Is it because of his way of speaking that I've never found interesting? I just don't know. Please help.

Thank you.
Jan 2009
It sounds like you have a great fondness but also are very doubtful. The doubt might be what is stopping you from allowing yourself to love him. It sounds like a commitment issue. Commitment can be unconsciously scary. There's some qualities you don't like about him and it's making you question.

Maybe try thinking of it in reverse. How does it make you feel if you think of no longer having this person in your life. How would you feel of you no longer had this relationship at all. Wether you feel sorrow or heartbreak or relief, I think it can help you find your answers