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I understand you well. And that's the conundrum of individual impact on society. I learned in a humble political science class that the fact that there are two roles makes the ultimate conundrum.
You have politicians who will bail me out to vote for the rights of the minority over the majority in a eleanor delano roosevelt fashion, and you have judges and police who will give me death sentence in a white hat black hat cowboy flick fahsion.
In order to be at peace I have to accept that I deserve punishment and I have to chose at age 32 what am I going to die for, myself or you. It's much easier on my soul to take punishment as I will not experience the full pleasure of innocent pleasure, because there is no innocent pleasure or guilty pleasure because of the conundrum.
So I have to suffer for causes, and my only freedom currently is to chose who I suffer and die for.
Whether these causes have any hope or actual value is based on what me and possibly others believe. But belief is completely invalid, if I look at the conundrum.
I can die for my parents, my girlfriend, the gospel, or my friends in africa, but I can only land on one. My life is boiled down to this handful of causes on a roulette table, giving me a variety of problems to solve to try to redeem myself.
Well, you can find redemption in many ways and it's really personal which way you will choose.
What's redemption for me, might not be for you.
I don't believe in ultimate happiness as I told you. There is no such thing as being happy every minute of your life, unless you are a person of extremely low intelligence I guess. And again, I am not sure if that can happen even in this case. But moments of happiness? You can make some...
Regarding responsibility, there is a quote from one of my favourite writers Nikos Kazantzakis: "Love responsibility. Say: It is my duty and mine alone, to save the world. If it is not saved, then I alone am to blame."