Hello! (Introduction)

Oct 2020
Hello everyone!

I started looking into psychology through the need of self-improvement, about 15 years ago. I think all of us carry flaws and issues in our behaviour, through our daily lives, our workplace, romantic relationships and family. Those issues not only hold us back personally from becoming what we really want and what will bring more moments of happiness and joy into our lives, but also those issues affect, in one or another way, sometimes more, sometimes less, in more or less significant ways, all of the people that were, are or will be part of our lives.

Lately I am reading for psychotic behaviours and disorders, such as narcissists or sociopaths in general and the way they traumatise people, although they have been traumatized themselves in the first place during their childhood, by their parents or events that really break you as a person. I find it difficult to define that thin red line of where the responsibility should lean more. I have probably some "harsh" opinions and I would like some other points of view in that matter.

Probably I need to open a thread about that, excuse me for my English or wrong terminology. I am not a psychologist. Just wanna learn more!
Mar 2020
I've been avoiding narcissism my whole life, but I gear towards self hatred. So I'm familiar with the idea of a broken person hurting other people.

It's in our inclination to believe that our lives meant something and that the lessons we learned were important. Also no one wants to admit that their childhood wasn't happy. Many times our childhoods are the only good memories we've ever had. And for me to say that my parents were monsters and my childhood was insufficient makes me feel like an ungrateful little brat which just makes me hate myself more as well as hating myself because I learned useless lessons.

If the lessons I learned were all lies, why would any other lessons be the truth. There must be truth in my initial programming. Resocialization is never better than the initial socialization. I can look at my youth and my "friends" in school and think that there was something wrong with me, but where were those "friends" when I was hurting?

The capitalism of society requires that no matter what happens to us we are always doing something to build. If we are not building, we are destroying other people or killing ourselves.

The idea behind hurting anyone because we have been hurt is an attempt to justify the fact that we were correct to be corrected through pain. It is an acceptance of pain as the only motivator and pretty much the only thing anyone ever experiences who is not dead. There are pleasurable pains, the pains that we desensitize ourselves to and accept as parts of our identity. The unpleasurable pains are the pains that make us feel like our identities are dead. "Everything they've ever known, ever loved, ever dreamt is dead." - iced earth.

There is always a temptation to conquer the earth and establish narrower boundaries and anhilate what we do not wish to understand. This is because if we have an identity, we must reject other identities. An everything identity is completely immobile. Its like trying to walk north and south at the same time.

The idea that all action has equal and opposite reactions means that there will always be resistance to complete overhaul. This is the phenomenon between every conflict ever, and the reason peace = death.

If you have any identity you will put it on your children and or other people. It is the attempt to spread understanding of yourself that feeds the desire to conquer the earth. The very fact that we have identities, you could say is hazardous if you want to look at things globally. But imagine life without identity? There'd be no reason to ever chose anything on an individual level. So someone else has to give us our identity, by trying to get us to understand them, which is called socialization or resocialization in sociology. And we as followers pass on that understanding.

Utopia = death. Learn it for yourself and become demobilized or be satisfied with the discomfort of every day life and earn money doing something stupid that someone else wants you to do, whose happily stupid enough to value anything at all.

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