Fighting your own inclinations

Mar 2020
68
8
US
I've learned that in order to do my job I have to fight my inclinations to do other things. I believe that fighting yourself constantly is the key to success. Nothing else makes me earn money. Anyone agree?

My mom tells me that if I'm only motivated by fear of getting in trouble that I'm not christian. She spoils me and talks to my dad like he's a dog. She's 64 my dad is 60. My dad is falling asleep. He doesn't talk. He doesn't have a personality. He lets me do what I want and pays my bills expecting me to just get better. I've been doing nothing but thinking until nothing is pretty to me. I've been smiling at horror cause I've been living in it and I'm used to it. My friends all got suicidal after talking to me. I knew there was something wrong with me. I knew I was a monster. But all I can figure out is that I've got to fight myself for the benefit of myself and others. Anyone understand?

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