Familiarity is Breeding Contempt

Jan 2015
2
0
USA
The more time I spend with a friend the more of his traits, which I don't care for, I am seeing. I discuss this with my wife who has done counseling work and she thinks my friend has adult ADHD and lacks social filters, impulse control, etc. Specifically, my friend will make loud and inappropriate (language) comments in restaurants when there are other diners within earshot. He also doesn't seem to think things through or see things from any perspective other than his own. I will try to present the other side of the picture to him and he will have an 'aha moment' but when the subject comes up again at a later date it's like the 'aha moment' never occurred. He is very likeable and outgoing but it's gotten to the point where I can only take him in very small doses. I need to adjust in order for this not to bother me so much but I'm not sure what to do. Thoughts and suggestions would be appreciated.
 
Last edited:
Feb 2011
1,196
1
USA
Jimmiem

Are you familiar with neutralizing reactions to bullies?
You find some of your friends traits 'uncomfortable'.
You can 'put up' with them; if you value your friendship with him; (like in a marriage, (lol)
your love overrides the 'traits'; your friendship can override the 'traits' by changing how you evaluate them.
 
Jan 2015
2
0
USA
Sakoz

Are you familiar with neutralizing reactions to bullies?
You find some of your friends traits 'uncomfortable'.
You can 'put up' with them; if you value your friendship with him; (like in a marriage, (lol)
your love overrides the 'traits'; your friendship can override the 'traits' by changing how you evaluate them.
Thank You for responding.
I don't have a lot of experience interacting with bullies.
If my wife's traits made me 'uncomfortable' to the same degree as my friend's I never would have married her.
Any pointers on how to change my evaluation process?
 
Feb 2011
1,196
1
USA
Did you read my thread I posted to-day? "Optimal use of brain is possible".
I didn't mean interacting with bullies, but reactions to them.
It's matter of degree, I didn't mean to imply your wife had those traits, does she have
minor' 'habits; you gladly over look? We love people "warts" and all, as the saying goes.
 
Feb 2011
1,196
1
USA
Use "Tranquilizing Thought" to relieve unpleasnt emotions

I posted a methodology to-day. I hope you endorse it for other readers.