Nov 2012
I've been battling with depression for awhile now, and I really feel like I want the world to die along with me, because somehow I blame the world for all of my problems. Whenever I get stressed, or feel any form of anxiety somehow it gets compounded with this feeling of depression and I end up wanting to kill people along with myself. A lot of my self-esteem problems I already know what they stem from: a poor body image which is from feeling that some part of my body is just not good enough. (I don't have the courage to say what, just addressing a problem.) I avoid confrontation at all costs because whenever I confront someone it brings up all my own insecurities and it causes me to want to both run/fight (which is the fight or flight reflex) and cry at the same time. I try to deal with all my problems the best that I can, but somehow these issues tend to rule my life causing me to avoid any form of intimacy with any potential mate, and makes me want to not be around people at all. All I want is for the world to end because I just don't want to live anymore, because I feel there is no future and I feel I have been wronged in so many ways by so many people in just my lifetime, that everyone else deserves to die. I have difficulty being empathetic because of my aspergers syndrome and it causes me to feel awkward all the time and when it's compounded with my depression I basically become anti-social. Life has never been kind to me because for the past 7-8 years I've wanted to be something I can't be and it's just gotten worse, not better. Atypically I am logical and I've already discovered the source of my problems, but because I am so much a coward I dare not bring it up with anyone. Currently I live with my parents as I go through my higher education, but because of my fear of change and my fear of rejection I'm afraid to even get a job, because it is both a difficult and daunting task for someone who has the type of social disorder I do to be able to really get any type of entry level job. I've never sought help again because of this stupid cowardice. I often lose interest and feel bored at any time and all I want is to live an exciting and thorough life of adventure and overcoming adversity, but that will only be a dream because life now is boring bleak and monotonous. I really just need some advice even though I know some answers. Thanks
Oct 2011
Hello collegeboy,

I suffer the same cause I cant understand why you have to fiight against sadness.

i loved my melancholia for nearly 40 years and lived with it:

rising not earlier that 10, 11 am, lots of cofee and cigarettes.

That felt good and nice.

Now I live in a home for the mentally poor ) and they force me to lower hoomeworks and wake me at 7.

Is this a cure ?
Sep 2012
Rochester, New York
I had a sort of mini-depression. I got through it with a lot of laughter and fun. If you can find a way to laugh more and play some you might find your depression to go farther away.