Depression, anxiety, porn addiction, lair?

[spelayo95]

Hello,

I am married. I have been with my partner for almost 5 years. My partner in the past always stated that he didn't watch porn and didn't believe in masturbating. Initially my partner was very controlling and obsessive with me, he is not like that any more. Last year around this time we started having serious relationship issues and we were not happy. At that point in time is when I figured out he did watch porn, a lot of porn. In addition, he subscribed to 'cam' girl site, where he would chat with and pay women for porn. Since then we have been working on our relationship. He states that he has always suffered for anxiety, depression and what feels like a dark side of himself. This dark side is what he says tells him to do these things and that part of him won't stop taking and talks until he does what it says. He says this is what lead him to the cam girls. Recently I figured out that he has still been talking and pay for cam girl porn. He has started texting some of these women from his phone. He also recently started sending one of these women pictures of his private areas. I ask him why he does it and he says he doesn't know and that dark side makes him do it. He says he can't control it and after he does it, he feels ashamed. He has continued to lie about all of this. I ask if he's very physically cheated on me and he says no. If he can't control himself what is stopping him. We have been very happy recently so I don't understand any of this. I just all makes me sad and makes me feel inadequate. He told me that he has also had childhood trauma which includes sexual and physical abuse. He says he's watched porn from a very young age. He says he doesn't want to be like this and he wishes the voices would stop. He says he wants to be with me but his dark side doesn't want to be with me.
All of this just makes me so sad, and its so hard to ignore. I love him and want to make things work. I want to be understanding but I don't know how to. I don't know how to cope with this, or what to think and what to feel.

 

[jbartram_7]

I have porn addiction and voices too, but I never went on chats except once, when the girl shut me off.

I was raised very Christian, but I had no friends, my "good side" was entirely oriented around my mom, the only person in my life who required me to be "good."

Naturally in a liberal high school I started fighting with her telling her "she wasn't the only person in the world." I did drugs and alcohol and stalked a girl.

I went to a high quality university from the hard studying I did under my mom's standards, but got so deep into porn addiction that I never studied at college and dropped out after a year. Watching all those naked women every day made me feel too confident to even do what I had to do to stay in college.

I believe the real temptation for porn is confidence and personality.

I worked for 9 months, and joined a sales team on the side, and made ends meet for about a year, until my parents found me and I got thrown in a psych ward.
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I advocate for christianity and marriage. My mom's standards and requiring me to be "good" and decent were the only thing to day that ever made me do anything at all.

Someone's got to have standards and principles, even if we all call them Hitler. Or we all get naked and fuck in the streets till we die of starvation or kill ourselves in shame.

The purpose would be to deny your dark side completely and cut off half of the universe in order to keep yourself in a state of being capable of being around someone.
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My current challenge is finding a better job to take care of my long distance relationship, and keep her from ending up on the streets. This has been my project for 3 years, and the only motivating force in my life pretty much. Life is so much better taking care of someone.

Tell your husband that you're all he gets and he'd better be happy with it, and that his dark side can go to hell. Make him go to a Catholic Church every once in a while, even if you don't convert, and make him eat that scene, as punishment, even if neither of you like it at all. It will be an upward force in the continuum. This is exactly why people in relationships hope there's a God and start looking for him, to save relationships. Even if there weren't a God, we would need some moral standards, so I argue it doesn't hurt to imagine that he's there.

It's ok to do something you don't like if it serves a greater goal. It's not ok to do something you like if it serves the opposite of that goal or staying together shouldn't be your goal. Make sure your goals are completely laid out and stick to them no matter what.

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[jbartram_7]

It just dawned on me that you posted this on clinical psychology and you probably don't want a Christian answer. I'm sorry if I have to apologize to you. I just told you my best solution. I am not a clinician, just bored and looking for something to do. I've been diagnosed with every mental illness known to man. God is my only hope.

The only clinical solution you'll get is to see a therapist and get doped on patented drugs. There are a few more secular solutions.

1. Shoot heroin and forget you're alive.
2. Study nutrition and dope yourself in the most healthy way.
3. Google the mysteries of the cosmos.
4. Get addicted to digits in your bank accounts.
5. Find something more addictive than porn that boosts confidence and personality. Good luck. There isn't anything.
6. Have an open marriage and you will undoubtedly leave each other.
7. Watch monster cock porn together and tell him his dick isn't big enough for you and you're just being nice to him.
8. Go to the dark side yourself. Worship Satan, channel the dead, and regret being born.
9. Do charity activism till you find someone else.
10. Worship yourself and become a narcissist.
11. Don't ask anyone questions ever and figure it out.

Sorry if I offended you by telling you to believe in God. In my mind acknowledging that it is immorality is the best answer I could come up with against immorality.

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