Could a relationship turn someone into abusive

Jul 2021
420
51
London
So my sibling had never been abusive until he entered a relationship with this girl however he does have my mother as a source of bad influence too, so I am not sure if it's both. He is only abusive towards his siblings, however I am worried because he never had this kind of behaviour before, I really don't know who taught him coercion for example, but I told him several times that is not good. I think my mother is the only one who validates coercive behaviour as she does the same, and they are both low functioning autistic. I am sincerely fed up with both, and decided I must cut them off like my elder sibling as that's the only solution, I do feel bad for my dad now but he knows I love him at least and there for him if he needs me. My mother feared all her life her mother would ruin her life, and it ended up her fear took over her whole life and made her biggest fear come true. She's lost me too. It's just watching her act like her mother, come on, what kind of hypocrit are you? You claim your mother was a horrific person and you enact her behaviour, you say criminals are bad and enact their behaviour? I really don't know maybe I am lucky I am not autistic, but they actually have had a far better life than I have so far, as they hurt me I never hurt them.
 
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Aug 2021
155
92
Austin, TX
You know the easy life is the life of ignorance. If you do not know the rules you do not have to be responsible for playing by them. You know also that our greatest role model is our same sex parent, so is it so strange that your mother has become your grandmother? Watch out that the same does not happen to you!!! That said, I urge you to be the grown up (which is the most difficult path because you have to overlook wrongs committed against you) for the sake of your family.
Best of luck with all this,
Ivery
 
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Jul 2021
420
51
London
You know the easy life is the life of ignorance. If you do not know the rules you do not have to be responsible for playing by them. You know also that our greatest role model is our same sex parent, so is it so strange that your mother has become your grandmother? Watch out that the same does not happen to you!!! That said, I urge you to be the grown up (which is the most difficult path because you have to overlook wrongs committed against you) for the sake of your family.
Best of luck with all this,
Ivery
Well, to begin with, I never really was around my mother, so that isn't even my worry, I do agree with her positive behaviours, but I don't agree almost with everything else, I am aware she has very limited morals, and she has transferred this only to my younger sibling, thankfully.

I think definitely I did not have a mother, which in a way I now believe it is a positive thing. I did have other pseudomother figures such as the teachers, my godmother, but it was generally myself and my elder sibling, until the younger sibling came, and I was the mother to him. My father is really fine. I think my father had been abused by my mother a lot, and that is why I do not agree with my mother's behaviours, although it might have not been as painful as it was on me, I still think he suffers from depression, and I am glad I gave him this sense of hope to some extent, however she'd manipulate him a lot in the past against us. I don't think he is happy with her now, because he goes in these depressive states where he detaches and thinks of the abuse he received. At least, I am not that way.

I don't think you should worry that you become your mother, it is unlikely, unless you admire her, which I don't, I think she is very unintelligent. She does admire her mother and is very respectful. I used to think she was intelligent when again she'd act right, but now that she's been acting wrong and failing as a parent, I don't think that of her anymore. I think it is a role to recognise what's happening to the younger sibling, being a mother and prevent it and oppose it. She doesn't ever discipline him, but when he had no fault as a child she'd abuse him, and so she is an idiot, and I can honestly confirm that. I am not hating on people, but she is objectively. And that has caused me trouble in life, because I did attract fellow idiots afterwards, even if it is unwanted, because she stalked me, organised criminals thought they could stalk me with no consequences. It turns out she was defaming me all the years I was alone as much as she defames my elder brother, and instead pretends to talk positively of you in your face, therefore I know there's something really difficult in her mind to make her think that she has no role as a parent.

I don't agree with my mother's abusive mindset, which is often under control compared to the psychopath's, but she does have psychopathic destructive tendencies. I avoid her family and I was stalked by her family too.

She is a complete failure as a parent, and she is not even aware of it, which makes things worse. Always cool to strangers but never to the family.

I do share positive memories with my father, but only have one positive memory with my mother. I shared positive memories with my siblings, but now my younger sibling is abusing me and there's nothing positive about his interaction. Idk who taught him to beat his siblings, as that is absolutely not normal, but it seems his girlfiend beats her siblings as she has a sister and brothers and might beat them in front of him, which is where he's learnt that from. Now he appears to be having a voyeurism disorder, that again psychologically speaking is caused by an overly sexualised self-view as well as too much sexual activity, in that regard, I am sure my family has 0 roles, not even my mother and that this is all coming from his girlfriend. Bottom line, the girlfriend is clearly not a good person nor example.

I may not have the strength to say it was wrong what he did, but I did say it was wrong. I also said she was wrong, and I was abused, but never again I am going to speak with him because it is wrong behaviour and I am not the parent, it is her role to say it is wrong, it is her role to say there are other girls out there and teach morals and socialisation, and understand that girl is a bad influence, if she can't do her role, and I have to get abused then I am not going to do it, as I can't put my life in danger, and I don't think his girlfriend feels empathy for my family. She proved to me on many occasions she lacks the empathy towards my family which she justifies by migraines. I do believe she has impulse control disorders and she has the conduct disorders and my sibling was projecting that on me, in fact he is adopting those behaviours and learning them from her. I don't date psychopaths and then abuse my siblings and destroy my family as a result. She is really a problem, and I don't know how she got in University either, perhaps she cheated the exams or slept with the professor, I couldn't know, but I don't see these people as intelligent. Abusing others isn't acceptable. I have 0 respect for her, and I lost all respect for my younger sibling as he is an adult and he is failing to protect his family from his gf, he should dump her and find a different girlfriend who is normal.

Once again my gut feeling about her was right, and I was invalidated all along.
 
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