Can questions occur in the absence of thought ?

Oct 2021
1
1
Conway, AR
This is a real sore spot between my husband and I. I believe this issue is contributing greatly to our inability to communicate.

He will ask me questions and when I try to clarify the question by asking why do you ask? he will say "no reason" "there was no thought behind it"
For example. a coworker of mine is dating KJ Jefferson from the Arkansas Razorback team. we are watching the Ark vs Ole Miss game and he turns and asks me "do you believe your friend is dating him?"
the intonation suggested he was aking me if I believe it because he did not. so I said why wouldn't I believe it? He said "it was just a question" This infuriates me because in my mind questions don't just occur from the absence of any kind of stimuli, something we see, hear or remember that sparks a thought which prompts a question. But no matter what the question or how accusatory it sounds there is never any reason behind his questions.

can anyone shed light on this dilema? if this is legit it could save a marriage
 
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Aug 2021
155
92
Austin, TX
There are many types of questions, but none occur because of absence of thought. Thought is what stimulates us to ask. BUT, there are rhetorical questions, honest questions, sarcastic question, and so forth. Instead of asking "why do you ask?" try asking exactly what information he is looking for. For instance, in your example above, you could have stated, "yes, I do not have any information that would contradict what my coworker shared with me, so I do believe she is dating..." The no reason response or there was no thought behind it is not a logical response as there is always thinking behind a question, as in as I watch KJ Jefferson in this game, it is difficult for me to believe your coworker is dating him, do you really believe her, because I do not...If you look for the thought process behind the question you might be able to better see why the questions are being asked...
Best of luck to you both,
Ivery
 
Jul 2021
420
51
London
This is a real sore spot between my husband and I. I believe this issue is contributing greatly to our inability to communicate.

He will ask me questions and when I try to clarify the question by asking why do you ask? he will say "no reason" "there was no thought behind it"
For example. a coworker of mine is dating KJ Jefferson from the Arkansas Razorback team. we are watching the Ark vs Ole Miss game and he turns and asks me "do you believe your friend is dating him?"
the intonation suggested he was aking me if I believe it because he did not. so I said why wouldn't I believe it? He said "it was just a question" This infuriates me because in my mind questions don't just occur from the absence of any kind of stimuli, something we see, hear or remember that sparks a thought which prompts a question. But no matter what the question or how accusatory it sounds there is never any reason behind his questions.

can anyone shed light on this dilema? if this is legit it could save a marriage
Yes, that's pretty common in anxiety disorders. Perhaps in depression too, as you are hating on yourself during the communication and therefore you are going to be irresponsive and not able to receive communication, in anxiety it is the same, you are going to think about your worries, instead of listening to the other person. The trick to healing anxiety is cutting off your worries, by just telling them to "shut up". In fact, those worries may be real, but then you just gotta solve the problem rather than worrying further, and that means replacing those worries with solutions and if you can't then get someone who can help you out, if you are alone it is harder, therefore easier to find someone who can listen to you, like a friend etc.
 
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