Can being the victim of stalking cause irritability

Jul 2021
618
79
London
So I was a victim of stalking and initially there was this guy I had gone out with and he said he was the victim of stalking, however, it turned out later I was the victim of stalking due to his gf being a mobster (he had cheated on me with her) and a few other people, which were this organised crime group (irish mob). He was autistic from my understanding.

I remember he'd get irritated all the time, but now I feel the same, I did become more and more aware of the stalking, and as I was made aware of it, I became more irritable. Is that normal? I do get angry at the minimum abuse, however, it is not true that abuse is not present and the people who trigger me are people who did abuse me in the past, but I thought I had forgiven it, instead the stalking makes me very intolerant, and even small imperfections make me a bit upset. Example, not getting an email back within the 24 hour rule, it upsets me, because I used to receive this treatment by my stalker, whereby he'd tell people not to respond to my emails. Although I don't get angry at them, I do get angry behind closed doors, because it does make me feel uneasy, I also don't enjoy confusion and at the same time, it makes me feel judged, because the person who badmouthed me and stalked me to the employer was my stalker, even if he was not known to me on a personal level (he was just a professor I'd chat with). It therefore made me skeptical, even the if it was a small error, I do have issues with trust with this person, it seems, even if on the surface it seems it was solved. I just always have the feeling that someone might cause me trouble because I had people cause me trouble, that doesn't have an impact on work, but I do feel it might impact my health, as it happened in the past. I must also say, I haven't been much empathised with in the past nearly 36 years and it's always been one-sided relationships I'd been dealing with... It seems I can't forgive or something. But yes, the stress is really high, and I have been feeling helpless a lot in the past couple of months. I did get abused a lot too, and now when someone who has been abusing towards me even gives the slightest criticism, I feel like snapping at them, for the smallest mistake, instead of forgiving them. As if I am keeping score? Does it make sense? The abuse I was through lately, was racial and a few incidents in which I'd get blamed over other people's mistakes, which makes me a bit stressed and drained. I do have pain in my lower abdominal area, I also was a victim of harassment at work as a result again of the previous stalking. I also always have the fear of isolation that happened in the past, due to the stalker professor and the irish mob.
 
Last edited: