Antipsychotics ruined my life

Sep 2021
14
2
Spain
how am I supposed to process all this? Will I ever be 100% in contact with reality all the time again? I mean: will I ever 100% recover? How am I supposed to process things that couldn't at the moment? We can "identify" the present moment because we have been conscious about what has happened before, right? That's how we can identify what is happening right now (because we know what has happened before). How can I be conscious of the present moment if I haven't been consciouss all this time?

Because, it's like I recognize things but can't "locate or situate myself in the present moment". Because "I didn't and, at the same time, I lived all this years". It's like waking up from a coma... somehow... not really like it but it's a good metaphor. Since "I haven't been me". I wasn't me and it wasn't my life. I wasn't... "living". I know it's very subjective to say I wasn't living and I don't really know how to express it...
 
Sep 2021
14
2
Spain
Hello! I wanted to know: I have been wrongfully on antipsychotics for about 5 years and I didn't even realize how lost I was. I had always been in contact with reality but lost all that with the meds. I'm quitting the meds and, even if I'm slowly recovering my reality, I'm also suffering from extreme dissociation and still lack of emotions. A lot of things happened during this 5 years but I couldn't "process" anything since I wasn't really aware/in contact with reality/feeling. My grandparents, whom I deeply loved when I didn't have the meds, whom I used to call everynight to wish them good night, died and I couldn't feel anything. I stopped calling them after a year with the drugs. I have been scared of them dying since I was a child. I will never know how I would have reacted... when I got the news. I may have even fainted. I may have felt fear. I may have burst into tears. I may have even dissociated. I will never know. But, when it happened, I couldn't feel anything and I'm haunted by those memories. The thing is: how am I supposed to process all this? Will I ever be 100% in contact with reality all the time again? I mean: will I ever 100% recover? How am I supposed to process things that couldn't at the moment? We can "identify" the present moment because we have been consciouss about what has happened before, right? That's how we can identify what is happening right now (because we know what has happened before). How can I be consciouss of the present moment if I haven't been consciouss all this time? Because, it's like I recognize things but can't "locate or situate myself in the present moment". Because "I didn't and, at the same time, I lived all this years". It's like waking up from a coma... somehow... not really like it but it's a good metaphor. Since "I haven't been me". I wasn't me and it wasn't my life. I wasn't... "living". I know it's very subjective to say I wasn't living and I don't really know how to express it... Has someone here recover from antipsychotics?
 
Aug 2021
56
34
Austin, TX
Blanca, I responded to your other post, I am not sure anyone ever recovers from antipsychotics, we just learn to live with what live has given us. I wish you the very best,
Ivery
 
Last edited:
Sep 2021
14
2
Spain
Blanca, I responded to your other post, I am not sure anyone ever recovers from antipsychotics, we just learn to live with what live has given us. I wish you the very best,
Ivery
I don't want to live in this hell of dissociation and anhedonia all my life.
 
Aug 2021
56
34
Austin, TX
I understand, I hope you can find a balance in your life. No one wants to take meds that make them feel like they are losing control of their life. I have only one more example for you, and that is my mother who fought schizophrenia most of her life. She was put on lithium to help balance her highs and lows, but she did not like the way it made her feel. She took herself off and for the last 25 years of her life behaved so erratically that she was not invited to either of her grandchildren's weddings and never met her grandchildren. She lived a paranoid life, not trusting anyone including her doctors and children who were doing our best to support and help her. She died alone and afraid, because when she went into the hospital at the end, she declared she had no family and so we did not even know where she was! My fear for you is that something like this may happen to you. Please do not give up on all doctors and meds just because of your bad experience in the past. At some point you will need to trust someone to get you help...
I understand, and wish you all the best,
Ivery
 
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Sep 2021
14
2
Spain
I understand, I hope you can find a balance in your life. No one wants to take meds that make them feel like they are losing control of their life. I have only one more example for you, and that is my mother who fought schizophrenia most of her life. She was put on lithium to help balance her highs and lows, but she did not like the way it made her feel. She took herself off and for the last 25 years of her life behaved so erratically that she was not invited to either of her grandchildren's weddings and never met her grandchildren. She lived a paranoid life, not trusting anyone including her doctors and children who were doing our best to support and help her. She died alone and afraid, because when she went into the hospital at the end, she declared she had no family and so we did not even know where she was! My fear for you is that something like this may happen to you. Please do not give up on all doctors and meds just because of your bad experience in the past. At some point you will need to trust someone to get you help...
I understand, and wish you all the best,
Ivery
My god... I'M NOT SCHIZOPHRENIC NOR PSYCHOTIC AND NEVER BEEN. I WAS PUT ON ANTIPSYCHOTICS BECAUSE OF AN ERROR. I was being bullied and thought there was something wrong with me for that. What I had was low self-esteem, that's all! Doctors didn't care and so they put me on antipsychotics "to see what happens".
 
Sep 2021
14
2
Spain
My god... I'M NOT SCHIZOPHRENIC NOR PSYCHOTIC AND NEVER BEEN. I WAS PUT ON ANTIPSYCHOTICS BECAUSE OF AN ERROR. I was being bullied and thought there was something wrong with me for that. What I had was low self-esteem, that's all! Doctors didn't care and so they put me on antipsychotics "to see what happens".
I'm sorry about your mother...
 
Sep 2021
14
2
Spain
I understand, I hope you can find a balance in your life. No one wants to take meds that make them feel like they are losing control of their life. I have only one more example for you, and that is my mother who fought schizophrenia most of her life. She was put on lithium to help balance her highs and lows, but she did not like the way it made her feel. She took herself off and for the last 25 years of her life behaved so erratically that she was not invited to either of her grandchildren's weddings and never met her grandchildren. She lived a paranoid life, not trusting anyone including her doctors and children who were doing our best to support and help her. She died alone and afraid, because when she went into the hospital at the end, she declared she had no family and so we did not even know where she was! My fear for you is that something like this may happen to you. Please do not give up on all doctors and meds just because of your bad experience in the past. At some point you will need to trust someone to get you help...
I understand, and wish you all the best,
Ivery
I would tell my doctors "there was something wrong wirh me" but nobody asked me why I thought that or if I was being bullied. They just put me on antidepressants and anxyolitics "to see what happens" and they messed me up enough for them to put me on antipsychotics.
 
Sep 2021
14
2
Spain
I can't recognize anything or anyone, feel emotions, see others as people, be myself, be aware of my surroundings, live... and it all started with medication but I couldn't even be aware of the fact that it was the medication
 
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Jul 2021
148
13
London
how am I supposed to process all this? Will I ever be 100% in contact with reality all the time again? I mean: will I ever 100% recover? How am I supposed to process things that couldn't at the moment? We can "identify" the present moment because we have been conscious about what has happened before, right? That's how we can identify what is happening right now (because we know what has happened before). How can I be conscious of the present moment if I haven't been consciouss all this time?

Because, it's like I recognize things but can't "locate or situate myself in the present moment". Because "I didn't and, at the same time, I lived all this years". It's like waking up from a coma... somehow... not really like it but it's a good metaphor. Since "I haven't been me". I wasn't me and it wasn't my life. I wasn't... "living". I know it's very subjective to say I wasn't living and I don't really know how to express it...
Might have ruined your life but they could lead to saving people affected from Fatal familial insomnia. Obviously your doctor gave you a higher dosage that needs adjusted. Abusing antipsychotics isn't uncommon either.