2 nieces and a lot of arguments

Oct 2020
1
0
Belgium
Hi there,
so i kinda need help or advice. sorry my english isnt my mother language

Me and my niece ( now 24, 25) always kinda have a weird relationship, we love each other but also at moments cant stand each other little bit like sisters if you can say so.
we do have arguments through the years and mostly it is about little stuff, we come to a point that we do listen en communicate pretty well with each other and im happy with that so far.
but now ... we live right now in weird times for me it is kinda playing with my emotions, and now that it is autmn i kinda feel a little depressed, i dont share this quick with other people i do keep my mental health to myself most of the time. i decided to tell her, because i kinda needed someone to talk about it, she was sweet and kind and told a lot of people been feeling this way.
My niece is engaged and im still single wich im okay with, so she met someone for me, so i was okay with talking or meeting him at one point, but every convo we had even the mental health one, she talked about him and how we should meet, well i know she is excited and she meant it well, it was sometimes a little bit enoying.
we do have a middle eastern culture so meeting someone is sometimes complicated, i live in Belgium and she and he in The Netherlands, so meeting and getting to know each other is even more complicated.
So i got his number, it was up to me to talk to him. After a minute she was already like did he reply?? a little pushy if i say so, i started to feel kind a down that day and i didnt send him or her a text no more. We do that often anwser after a day, so that is normal to us.
i felt really down the following 2 days and didnt really talk to anyone because my mind couldnt.
After those days she texted kinda annoyed that i should told her if i was busy of didnt want to talk to him, i did reply that i felt down and i need a little breath space and i wanted to take my time, her reply was that it was a little effort to told her, but when you are down or depressed a little effort is a lot of effort.
i told her that i dont have to be accountable to her, because it was my choice when, how, .... i sended her a very hard text about how i felt and depressed and that i didnt talk to anyone, so she maybe could understand me, but i was a little shocked how cold hearted she replied. She told me " if you see this as accountable, i have nothing more to say. dont do something you dont feel comfortable with." I didnt reply because i was disapointed, but after maybe 2 minutes she blocked me.

i feel really ignored, i feel like that she thinks it is more important to look good in someones eyes than she cares about my mental health, i feel like i cant open up to her anymore.
The whole time where talking she ignored my feelings i even told her i was sick she was like whats wrong, i told her and she laughed ...
i hope someone with clear eyes can kind of give me advice or what her behaviour means
she can get easily a shamed, if i say oh you should buy that too, or when i had one pj and she took mine while her whole closet was full of it i asked her why did you take mine, she got really mad and ignored me the whole night while she had fun with my other nieces i felt really left out .... because i just asked.



thank you, i know its a long story i hope someone can help :)
 
Mar 2020
203
17
US
I believe you are struggling more with your down feelings than missing the interaction with your neice.

It seems that she was really excited about her new fiance, which is very exciting. You feeling down made her have to choose between comforting you and having fun with her new exciting situation.

I've been through this a lot with people when I was younger. It's like not getting invited to the party because you'll bring down the happiness.

I found that if I could not be happy it is better not to talk to someone who really wants to be happy at this point.

It's difficult for people struggling with mental illness to get any attention outside of professionals or group therapy. We are natural philosophers and problem solvers who must always be doing something productive with our organization I believe. It is easy to talk to professionals because the context with a professional is a problem solving environment. It's like going to work and getting paid in understanding.

Honestly I've never been interested in the party. Being happy for no reason.

The reason your neice abandoned you was because she wanted to feel life without you. She had a more important relationship.

It is also true that when people get engaged or married that they disappear with each other to be each other's personal person.
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Perhaps you felt bad because you knew she was going to leave you for this special someone. Or perhaps you, being alone were jealous.

If you can find the reason you felt bad, you could explain that to her. But it would not be a problem to solve, it would just be an understanding. There may have been a very good reason that you stopped talking to her and that she then blocked you.

Take a loss for a loss. Dont add to the loss. Just cut the loss.

Your next task will be to fill that void to be happy yourself. And then see her on the other side, where you are both happy, but not solely because of each other.

You could fake happiness as well. It may be difficult to make your happiness appear real if it is not. But it may be the first step to combating negative feelings. Perhaps there are little things you can do to build happiness from small happinesses.

Think of yourself as being alone on an island, and you must build yourself a small settlement out of whatever you can find. When you are done, you will have food, water, and shelter from the rain, but if you don't do it, you will suffer more.

Sent from my moto g(7) power using Tapatalk
 
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