2.5 yr olds unusual tantrums

May 2021
1
0
USA
My younger kid is 2 yrs and 10 months old. She has been a very shy kid, takes a lot of time to become comfortable around strangers, gets scared easily for silly things. Till she was 2.5 yrs old, she was a very easy going kid. She would play with her toys for hours, she would indicate she is hungry, not much tantrums.
Things changed in last 2 months. I don't know what changed her. Nothing major changed in her surroundings.
She now has extreme anger management issues now. She wants to make every decision for herself - be it what clothes to wear, what food to eat, what shoes to wear, which car door she will use to get down, the way she wants to get down, TV channel, everything. She gets easily angry over small things and throws the loudest tantrums. Her tantrums are very high and intense. While she is throwing a tantrum, she screams loudly for 30-40 mins non-stop, she wants to break things near her, she wants to do exactly opposite of what we tell her, she wants to hurt things near her. It is hard to bring her back to normal.
When she is deep asleep at night, she wakes up screaming loudly sometimes saying "NO...no ...no...no" , sometimes "give me my jacket, gimme my jacket, gimme my jacket.." , sometimes something else. She screams for almost an hour before she cools down. She sleeps in the same room as me but in her toddler bed. I have tried all possible things to get her back to normal like asking her what she wants and trying to give whatever she wants, or trying to wake her up from her sleep and tell her the dream is over, or just letting her tantrum go but that doesn't seem to go, or telling her you won't get what you want if you don't ask nicely. She wakes up but she can't cool herself down. When she screams she has a heavy voice probably because of intense screaming.
I read about night terrors but my kid talks while screaming like "noo..." or "my shoes..." or "gimme my jacket" or sometimes when i sit on a chair holder up during her night episode, she says "mom, you get up, you getup, you get up". I read, talking is not a symptom of night terror.

The continuous middle night screaming for an hour is not good for anyone in my family especially my 2.5yr old.
My older kid was never ever like this. This behavioral pattern is new to us and we are finding it hard to deal with it. What should we do? Is this just a phase?